


Sum of All Fears

by Ginger_Pop, jlcamp09



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Blood and Gore, Blood and Torture, Body Horror, Cock & Ball Torture, Depraved, Disturbing Themes, Explicit Sexual Content, Flashbacks, Gang Rape, Genital Torture, Horror, Murder, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Horror, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Revenge, Sexual Assault, Sexual Violence, Torture, Twisted, Violent, discomfort, vengeance, violent rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-13 20:44:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 61,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4536711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ginger_Pop/pseuds/Ginger_Pop, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jlcamp09/pseuds/jlcamp09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Cassandra’s worst fears come to life, it takes the man that she loves to put her back together again.</p><p>Don't read this story. You can't handle it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This story is the result of far too many hours spent watching violent, graphic slasher movies. We intend for it to be dark and disturbing. If you do not enjoy movies such as the Saw franchise, Hostel, Vile, Would You Rather, or I Spit on Your Grave (which all serve as inspiration for this story), we warn against reading this story. It may contain material that is upsetting or disturbing to some readers.
> 
> Once, I used to wonder "Who thinks up this shit?" while watching scary slasher flicks. 
> 
> Now I know the answer. WE DO.

If there was one thing that Varric knew about Cassandra Pentaghast, it was that she was an intensely passionate woman. She was passionate about her work, truth, Andraste and the Maker. Scaring the living daylights out of the scum of the world and bears. Mostly bears. She was insanely passionate about literature and more specifically, his literature. The worst he had ever came up with, but who would have guessed that the Seeker was a romantic at heart? The whole shebang, flowers, poetry (which he was terrible at,) and candles. 

It started out as another argument. Or an apology. He couldn’t really tell. Or remember anything of that encounter than the clashing of their lips and the heat that had erupted between them. It had been unexpected, surprising, wonderful. Varric was surprised that he had fallen so hard for the woman. He scolded himself for it, of course. He was a fool and he knew that his own story was less than exciting. He knew why he wrote those horrible, awful romance stories and he had once told Solas about it. 

That dwarves write how they want things to be.

He supposed that made him a bit of a hopeless romantic as well. He was pulled from his thoughts at the rather impatient nip on his collarbone and he gave a hiss as the Seeker rocked her hips against his own, feeling her clench around his hard length and he gave a low moan as he reached up to her and tugged her back down to him, sealing his lips over hers. “Cassandra,” he purred against her.

Cassandra moaned low in her throat as she rode him slowly, every rock of her hips controlled, precise. He’d made her swoon once again with a sneak peek at the newest chapter of Swords and Shields. He was doing it on purpose now, she knew, just to see how wound up he could make her with his words. Not that she was complaining. She devoured every word, yet it only left her hungry for more. Hungry for him. Damn him. 

She threw her head back and hissed, pressing her body down on his hard cock, her eyes rolling in her head at the feel of him. Maker, but that was incredible. She increased her speed ever so slightly, grinding herself against him, her breath coming in shorter and shorter gasps. She was close already.  ‘No,’  she thought to herself and slowed her pace, biting her bottom lip as she stared down at him. She wanted to make it last, to enjoy every moment, every sensation that she could. 

She raked her fingers down his chest, scraping over his nipples, and a smirk split her lips at the way he hissed and arched his back. He may have enjoyed watching her come undone, but she enjoyed watching him just as much. His hair loose from its tie, the tilt of his chin when his head tipped back in pleasure, the way he groaned her name. She didn’t know why it satisfied her so much, but in that moment she wasn’t going to question it. She squeezed her muscles around him, her eyes narrowing slightly as she watched him for a reaction.

“Maker’s breath, Cassandra,” he groaned again as she squeezed him so tightly. There was something about the way she looked seated atop of him, looking as regal and as intimidating as ever. He reached up to grasp at her hips, loving the way they felt beneath his fingers and he gripped her carefully, urging her on. “Don’t stop now, Seeker,” he rasped out as he reached a hand up to cup her cheek, “Come with me.”

Did he have to be so damn romantic? The affection melted her heart and simultaneously drove her over that edge, making her gasp breathlessly as her pleasure built and snapped, crashing over her in waves. It made her toes curl, her fingernails digging into his shoulders as her body tensed, riding out her orgasm as a strained cry escaped her lips.

Feeling her tighten around him so much had Varric sucking in a breath of air before his orgasm hit him hard and he curled up to wrap his arms around her. He buried his face in her chest, kissing at her bared skin as he spent himself. It was so intense and he thought for a moment that her voice alone was enough to help him ride out the pleasure high. He rocked up into her, matching her movements as they both caught their breath. They sat there for a moment, tangled in each other. He pressed soft kisses against her before he pulled back, looking up at her through the messy strands of his hair. “So,” he started, a smile tugging at his lips, “I take it you liked the sneak peek?” He asked affectionately, only half joking.

A half-hearted frown pulled at her lips. “You know I did,” she stated, shivering slightly as she sat astride him, leaning over on her hands as she caught her breath. “You do it on purpose, just to see how I react. Don’t play dumb with me, dwarf.” She pushed herself to sit up straight, her hands on her hips, and the frown gave way to a small smile. “You know I cannot resist your tales. And I know you write them for me. So thank you,” she said, her voice softening as she leaned down and pressed a warm kiss to his lips.

He smiled against her and deepened the kiss, running his hands up and over her arms, her shoulders to the silken skin of her back. He couldn’t resist trailing his fingers up to her hair, combing through the soft strands. There was a witty remark on the tip of his tongue, but the genuine expression of wonder and gratitude on her face stilled that thought and he pulled back slightly to look at her. “You’re welcome, Seeker,” he said, a smile tugging at his lips as he enjoyed her weight on top of him. “Even if you are the only reader of the series, it’s worth it.”

She chuckled softly and lifted herself off of him with a groan, letting his length slip from her body. Maker, he was amazing in bed. She was tempted to roll over and sleep in his bed, but she knew if she started that, she wouldn’t want to stop. She kissed him again as she slid her feet to the floor, then stood up, grabbing her clothes from where she’d hastily tossed them onto his desk. “It is late,” she said. “I should get back to my room. The Inquisitor wants both of us to go to the hinterlands tomorrow.”

Varric had to force himself to not groan at her and he pushed himself up on one arm as he watched her gather her clothes. “You know, Seeker,” he started, watching her carefully, for some reason this was an issue, “There is a perfectly good bed right here. Still warm.” He sighed and raked a hand through his hair, “You know, you don’t have to go back to your rooms after each time. Believe it or not, I don’t think I would mind it if you wanted to sleep in here.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d offered to let her sleep over. Yet there was something about it that, in her mind, meant progressing to the next level of their relationship and she wasn’t completely certain she was ready to take that step. She pulled on her breeches, then turned to offer him a slightly playful smile. “You might change your mind about that,” she said. “There’s a very good chance I might kick you in my sleep.”

Varric tried to return her smile and managed a small one for her as he moved to stand up, snatching his trousers off of the floor where Cassandra had tossed them and he quickly pulled them on, barely bothering with the laces. “I’m sturdier than I look, Seeker. I’m fairly sure I can take it. I can handle anything you want to throw at me, even the dagger-stabbed books,” he said as he walked over to her, catching her hands in his own. He paused as he looked down at them, his fingers curling around hers before he looked back up at her. In the candlelight, her skin seemed to glow gold. She was breathtaking.

“What would it hurt? A few more rumors around Skyhold? I think everyone has seen us doing this dance and know what we are getting up to. That and Sparkler won’t stop telling me ‘I told you so’ every chance he gets,” he said, letting the corner of his lips twitch upwards in a smirk at the memory. The next moment, it left him as his thoughts drifted over to Bianca. It was as if he would never break free of her influence over him. It was over between them. Not even mentioning the red lyrium she had investigated after he had told her how dangerous it was, once he realized that he could have something more tangible with the Seeker. 

Her passion for his books floored him, it really had when the Inquisitor had come to him with the request, but it was the look on Cassandra’s face when she smiled at him and looked down at the book with such wonder, such reverence and delight, that had him on a mission to bring it about more often. He had even started teaching her to play Wicked Grace, though she needed some work on it. She still couldn’t grasp the fact that she needed to keep her cards to herself. Still, he found he had grown to enjoy her company. Well, as much as she would let him enjoy.

It had taken him a long time to let go of Bianca, to come to terms that he could have something more. As cheesy as it sounded, Cassandra had shown him that and damn her, made him crave the interaction and not just the mind-blowing sex.  Still, there were times when he felt as if there was a continent between them which was almost, if not more infuriating when she was standing right there. “Please. Come back to bed. You might find you like it.”

She hated to turn him down. She really did. But there was something holding her back, something that screamed that if she stayed with him tonight, she was going to want to do it every night. And that felt like giving up a part of herself, her independence, and she didn’t want to let go of that just yet. “I might find I like it too much,” she said as she finished dressing. “And I fear we may get no sleep at all if I stay much longer.” She turned to him and reached out to push back a few strands of wild hair from his face. “The Inquisitor expects us to be up early tomorrow. And I know how well you handle early mornings,” she said with a slight snicker. She leaned down to kiss him again, hoping he wouldn’t be too upset with her refusal.

He sighed into her kiss, trying to not let the disappointment show on his face as he held her close to him. “Would that be so bad?” He knew why she was hesitant to join him. He could see it in her eyes, the fear that letting herself become familiar with him, more so than they were now was frightening. He knew that fear as he had to address it himself, but he thought it through and he was more than ready to give it a try. To see what it would be like to fall asleep with her in his arms, to wake up to her every morning. It had been weeks that he had been asking her to stay and he was just fooling himself into thinking that she would change her mind one of these times. 

He leaned into her touch before he gave her hands a final squeeze and he stepped back from her. “All right, Seeker. I’ve kept you up long enough,” he said teasingly, trying to lighten the heavy feeling in his own chest. He was a fool.    

Cassandra felt the slightest twinge of guilt, but more than that she felt relieved. It wasn’t that she was ashamed of their relationship (although at first she had been less than amused with Dorian’s teasing), or that she was trying to keep it a secret (because it wasn’t.) She just wanted to keep some healthy space before she was certain if she was ready to take that next step. She didn’t see how that was such a bad thing.

“Goodnight, Varric,” she said and turned to leave the room, breathing a long sigh of relief as she closed the door behind her. Still, something nagged at her that maybe it would be nice to sleep over with him, to wake up to him first thing in the morning. She shook her head at herself. Never in a million years would she believe that she’d come to care for Varric Tethras as much as she had. But there it was, no sense in denying it now. 

The rogue watched as she closed the door behind her, the smile she shot him as she went sent butterflies through his stomach and he shook his head at himself, rubbing the back of his neck before he went over to his desk where the next chapter of Swords and Shields laid, still open on the page he had been reading her when she had pounced on him. He reached for his hair tie as he stared at the book, pulling the wayward strands back. He couldn’t help but let the smile take over his face as he read over the page affectionately. “Completely worth it.”


	2. Chapter 2

Cassandra was right about him, Varric despised mornings. He liked to stay up late writing in the quiet, when the world seemed to stand still and his thoughts could focus and he could bring them out with ease. The only downside was when he had to get up at the ass-crack of dawn to ride out into the cold on some mission in who knows where. Fighting off demons, bandits, giants, and the occasional high dragon when the Inquisitor was feeling lucky. 

Varric rubbed at his eyes with the heel of his hand. He hadn’t slept very well last night after Cassandra had left. He had chosen to stay up a bit later after she had gone and wrote out a few more chapters. The dwarf let his eyes flicker over to the Seeker, his lips curling upward in affection. He would keep at it. He would just have to exhaust her so there would be no way she could make it back to her rooms. He was certain she wouldn’t complain about it then. 

The Inquisitor was running about, doing a few smaller tasks the Inquisition had picked up and amassing. That and Varric suspected they were going near Redcliffe so the Inquisitor could do a bit of shopping for his lady love back at Skyhold. Still, “So, do you think the kid actually named that ram 'Lord Woolsley' or did the ram pick it out himself?”

“I’m fairly certain the ram chose it himself,” the Inquisitor answered with a chuckle as they walked along, his feet carrying him towards Redcliffe. He knew it was probably more than obvious why they were heading that way, but he would endure any teasing Varric wanted to throw his way if it meant returning to Skyhold with something that would put a smile on Josephine’s face. His mouth twitched as he fought to keep a serious expression on his face. “Rams are very particular about their names, you know.”

Solas raised an eyebrow at the Inquisitor, chuckling, “Oh, I have my suspicions about that ram. It had a very... unique energy around it. I very much suspect it was a spirit possessing the body of the ram, but it did not seem intent on harming anyone,” he said casually as they walked along, pausing every now and then to collect any herbs that they happened upon. It had already been a long day of travel and fighting. “Perhaps we should think about setting up camp, we are close enough to Redcliffe Village. The inn is no doubt full of refugees as it is. This would save us some trouble.”

Cassandra had to roll her eyes at the conversation about the ram, but as soon as Solas mentioned setting up camp, she decided not to scold them all for being so silly. Though she wouldn’t complain openly about it, her feet were sore and her shoulder ached from swinging her sword all day. “I agree,” she stated simply, and pointed just ahead. “There. That would make a good place.” Plus, Varric had slipped her a chapter of the story that morning before they left and she’d been dying to slip away to read it all day long.

Varric let out a groan as he let his pack fall from his shoulders before he moved and set Bianca to the side. Nothing sounded better than having a hot meal and curling up in a warm bedroll. He picked up his tent from the pile of supplies and wandered over to stand next to the Cassandra where she was rubbing at her shoulder. “You know, I could help you with that. My hands are good for more than just writing,” he said smoothly before he glanced at her, butterflies in his stomach, “Would you like to share a tent tonight, Seeker?”

Cassandra dropped her hands with an impatient sigh. She didn’t know why his question irritated her so, but she couldn’t help the feeling of being pressured that welled up in her chest. And she rather felt put on the spot as well. She glanced over her shoulder, Solas was paying them no mind, but the Inquisitor teasingly waggled his eyebrows at her before he turned to set up his own tent. “Why must you keep pushing?” she asked, her voice quiet but irritated. “Did we not just go over this last night?”

The dwarf felt his confidence falter a moment before he shrugged. “That was last night.” His voice was softer. “I don’t mean to keep pushing, it’s entirely up to you. I thought it’d be a good chance to just, you know, try it out. Your choice, your terms. I’ll even be a complete gentleman. It’s just, we’ve been together for a while now. Aren’t you the least bit curious what it would be like? Maybe it’s not as scary as you think it will be,” he reasoned. He heard the Inquisitor open his mouth to speak but the next moment a yelp was all he heard as Solas flicked a harmless spark of lightning at him all while maintaining his noninterest in the subject.

“No,” Cassandra deadpanned. It was a lie, of course. She’d given the idea a lot of consideration and she was very curious about it. But tonight she was in no mood to be persuaded when she was this tired. All she wanted was to set up her tent, read the next chapter, and fall asleep. She grabbed up her tent and moved a little away from him to set it up, but suddenly dropped the wooden poles on the ground and turned to look at him, her hands on her hips. “Why are  _ you  _ so curious about it?” she demanded. While she’d given a lot of thought to why she should or should not take him up on his offer, and her feelings about it, she hadn’t really thought much about his motivations.

Varric stared after her, taking in her fierce gaze and noticed that the Inquisitor and Solas had moved away to give them some privacy, more or less. “Andraste’s tits, Cassandra, you are joking right? Why am I curious about it? About seeing what it would be like to fall asleep with you at night? To wake up to you in the morning? Why wouldn’t I be curious about that?” It hurt to say those words because they led his thoughts to Bianca. The nights they stayed in each others arms were few and far between. He had never woken up with Bianca and thought that it was going to be something permanent because she had someone to go home to, a family of her own and he was just something to be had on the side. A forbidden secret. “I want more and Maker help me, it’s getting frustrating to hear you just keep turning me down.”

“If you don’t want to be turned down, then stop asking,” she said in a low voice, crossing her arms over her chest. If she’d been in a better mood, if she wasn’t so tired and grumpy, she knew she probably would’ve swooned at his words. She was a sucker for romance, she didn’t even bother to deny it anymore, but even she had her moods where romance was the furthest thing from her mind. This was such a time. “The more you pressure me, the less inclined I am to take you up on your offer. What we have now is good, something rare in this world. Why would you want to risk ruining it by rushing things between us? It is not as if I’m going to disappear if you do not keep me at your side day and night.”

Something about her words hit a little too close to home for him. He seemed to remember Bianca saying the same thing and it rubbed him the wrong way. “I’ve heard that before. Let’s not rush this Varric, what we have is special. Varric, don’t worry, you are the only one for me,” He mimicked, wincing at the sound of his own voice. “I don’t want to risk ruining it, but I would have to say we have been far from rushing anything! We could die tomorrow in this line of work and you want to hold back? What happened to the Seeker who always acted first and questioned second? She would say yes in a heartbeat.”

It struck her then why he was so set on moving their relationship forward; he was afraid of losing her the way he’d lost Bianca. She felt insulted that he would compare her to the woman who had betrayed him so. Cassandra tried to be humble, but she at least thought herself better than that. She saw red. “I AM NOT BIANCA!” she shouted at him. A stunned silence fell between them for a moment before she turned on her heel, her tent and the chapter Varric had given her forgotten as she strode away. “I’m going to the village for a drink,” she snapped at Solas and the Inquisitor.

She might as well have slapped his face the way he recoiled and he just stood there for a moment before he groaned and rubbed at his face, that had been the opposite of what he had wanted. He blamed himself for being so insecure, for ruining the good things in his life. It seemed to be his lot in it. “Good going, Tethras. You’ve managed to fuck up royally again,” he muttered angrily at himself, “I am an ass.”

The Inquisitor exchanged a look with Solas before he cautiously approached the dwarf. He felt guilty. “Varric, I’m sorry if I helped cause that,” he said. “I was only teasing her. I didn’t realize it was such a serious discussion.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, shooting a glance at Solas who had a rather disapproving look on his face, before he looked at Varric again. “Do you want me to go after her? I’ll apologize, see if I can get her to calm down.”

The dwarf shook his head after a moment. “No. You know how she gets. She won’t hear it until she’s calmed down. It’s just... I don’t know. Don’t worry about it,” he said as he sighed, “I just can’t seem to get away from her. There was a time I was happy about that, but now… it’s causing more trouble than it’s worth.” _'I am a fool,'_ he thought to himself. “She’ll be back after a while, maybe murder me in my sleep for needling her like that,” he figured as he moved to pick up her tent poles and began setting it up for her return. He should remember that Cassandra Pentaghast was definitely not Bianca Davri. She was leagues above and beyond what he deserved.

Cassandra found the tavern quickly and promptly sat herself at the bar. She barely tasted her drink as she swallowed it down, staring at the wall as she rolled over the argument in her head again and again. How dare he compare her to Bianca? Didn’t he understand that he didn’t have to keep her under lock and key just to make sure she didn’t run off on him? She cared too much for him to do such a thing. For him to even question that was hurtful. 

She plunked her empty mug on the bar, giving a nod of thanks to the barman when he refilled it. She wanted to feel sorry for arguing with Varric, but she was still far too angry with him at the moment. No, she was not going to give in this time. He needed to realize that she was his, no matter where she was. Couldn’t he trust that? “Damn dwarf,” she muttered under her breath and took another deep drink from her tankard.

The man sitting a few chairs down from her heard her mutter and he elbowed his friend next to him and grinned widely at him before he moved off the seat and sauntered over to the woman, leaning against the bar with his own mug in hand. “Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes, lady. You having some troubles with a dwarf? I haven’t met one I’ve liked yet,” he said with a wide smile at her. “The name’s Stephan,” he said with a flourish, “You look like you could use a good time.”

Cassandra looked at the man out of the corner of her eye, summing him up in one quick glance. Average height, average build, probably less than average intelligence. There was a slightly rough look about him, though she supposed he might have been handsome with his blue eyes and messy blond hair, if a woman were so inclined to think so. She, however, was not. There was a sleaziness there that overrode any minor redeeming qualities the man might have had. “No,” she replied dryly. “I am not ‘looking for a good time’ as you so eloquently put it.”

“Hey now,” he growled low, “That’s no way to talk to…”

“Shove off, Stephan,” The bartender said, moving back over to stand in front of them from behind the counter as he wiped his large hands on a towel before he tossed it down in front of him and leaned forward on it. “I’ve told you and your friends to stop bothering my patrons. This one in particular is Lady Pentaghast and I am fairly sure she could take your ass and hand it to you in a fight on your own. So, be a good little boy and run along,” he said, eyeing the men in front of him before he glanced at Cassandra. He watched at Stephan scowled but rolled his eyes the next moment and elbowed his friend and thumbed towards the door.

“You are no fun anymore, Earl,” the man said before he slammed the door behind him and the bartender waved them off, reaching under the counter and pulled a pitcher out, still frosty from the ice and pour Cassandra a fresh glass. “Sorry about them. They are assholes. Here, it on the house. You look like you could use it.”

“I could have handled him,” she said, “but thank you.” She sipped the drink, her thoughts returning to Varric again. At least he wasn’t like those men, all sleazy and thinking they were the Maker’s gift to women. Perhaps she could be a little softer, give in just a bit. What would sleeping in his tent one night really hurt anyway? Her eyes flicked up, noticing the bartender watching her. “Sorry,” she muttered, sitting up a little straighter as she looked at her mug, though she felt slightly unsteady. “Sometimes I don’t know what to think of men, what goes on in their heads. All of them. Humans, dwarves…”

He chuckled. “We can’t be that complex to figure out. Warm beds at night, good food, and even better company to share it with?” He wiped his hands on his apron, his belly jiggling a little as he did so before he leaned over the counter. “I couldn’t help but noticing, you seem to be fixated on a certain dwarf. We’ve heard rumors, but they are only that. Someone giving you trouble, miss?”

Cassandra quirked an eyebrow. Apparently the Inquisition and its members were drawing even more attention than she’d realized if people out here had heard rumor of her relationship with Varric. “No, not giving me trouble. He just…  is  trouble,” she said and took another long drink. She set her mug down with a sigh and licked her lips. “I don’t mean… We just…” She struggled for the words. “We had a spat. About our relationship. I think he is pushy and he thinks I am stubborn.”

Earl chuckled and leaned back. “If you don’t mind my saying, miss. You are a very lovely woman. What is he getting pushy about? Romance? Children? It’s always one of those things,” he said, tapping a finger to his lips, “He probably thinks like we all do and knows that you are almost too good to be true. If I were this guy, I know I would be doing everything in my power to make sure you were taken care of.” He paused as a thundering came down the steps and he grinned, stepping back from the bar as a little girl barreled around the side of the bar after having flown down the steps. He grinned widely and scooped her up into his embrace as she threw her arms around his neck. “Hey there little nug, Momma say it’s bedtime already?”

The little girl nodded her head, her golden curls bouncing. “Yep!” she said and placed a big kiss on his cheek. She hugged him tightly, a smile splitting her face. “Goodnight, Daddy. I love you!”

Cassandra watched the little girl scurry off, and she couldn’t stop the slight smile that crossed her face. “She’s adorable,” she said as she finished off her drink and set her cup down again. “I think I’ve had too much,” she said, pressing a hand to her forehead, feeling dizzy. “I should go. Thank you for listening to me,” she said, her words slightly slurred as she got unsteadily to her feet and fished in her pocket for some coins to pay. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she tried to figure out how much she owed and finally slapped some coins on the counter. She knew she was overpaying, but she didn’t care. “Have a good night.”

“I’m sure I will, Lady Pentaghast. Have a good one,” he said as he pocketed the coins, watching as she stumbled away and out the door, his lips curling upwards as it closed behind her. 

Cassandra didn’t think she’d had that much to drink, but it was as if with every step her feet became heavier and heavier. The ground beneath her feet seemed to tilt, making her stumble as she walked back to the camp. Maybe she could just crawl in bed with Varric, curl up with him and sleep it off. Suddenly sleeping next to him didn’t sound like such a bad idea after all. She tripped and fell to her knee, pain zinging through her leg as the rock dug into her kneecap. “Ow,” she muttered and forced herself to stand again, which took much more effort than it should have.

She gasped as she looked ahead again, her path blocked by the man named Stephan she’d met in the tavern. His friend leaned against a nearby tree, watching her intently, a smirk on his face. “What do you want?” she asked, clearly annoyed to find him in her way. Walking around him seemed like such an effort.

Stephan’s grin went wider as he heard the slur in her voice. “Seems like you’ve had one too much to drink there, miss. It would be rude of us not to walk you back to where you are sleeping the night away,” he said as he stalked forward, seeing the way she wavered. “Let me and my friend take care of you. You won’t regret it,” he said as he stopped right in front of her. “Look at you, can barely walk straight,” he commented and reached out to grasp her hand, pulling her to him. “Don’t worry, we will treat you right,” he cooed at her, reaching behind her and squeezed her ample bottom in his hands.

Cassandra felt her mind awaken to that, but her body didn’t want to cooperate. She managed to raise her hand and slap him across the face, but even she knew that the gesture was weak. She tried to push him away, her stomach coiling as he wrestled her arms down and leaned in to press wet kisses to her neck, pressing her body against his. “Get off of me!” she shouted, disgust making every inch of her skin crawl. “GET OFF!”

He laughed in her ear as the slap only made his skin tingle. “Look Tirell, she’s still feisty.” He grinned and fought to hold Cassandra against him. “I like it when they fight,” he breathed into her ear before he leaned down to kiss at her neck. “You are going to feel so good on my cock,” he breathed and to emphasize his words, he rubbed his cloth covered cock against her hip. “It’ll be better if you just let us have our way with you now. You might still be able to walk when we are finished with you, if you behave,” he purred as he caught her jaw and turned her face towards his, wanting to see the fear in her eyes.

If there was one thing Cassandra prided herself on, it was her strength. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. But in that moment, she felt none of it. It suddenly hit her that she was far too inebriated to fight him off if he wanted to make good on his threat and though she tried to fight harder, her body only seemed more sluggish. “NO!” she screamed and tried to reach for the sword on her hip, but Tirell had already approached them and drew it himself, resting it lazily on his shoulder as he watched.

“Oh she’ll be fun,” he grinned, licking his lips vulgarly as his eyes roamed hungrily over her body. He ran a hand over the front of his breeches, biting his lip and groaning obscenely at her. “Can’t wait for my turn.”

Stephan grinned and looked at Tirell. “You are a sick fuck, man. Let us have a go first before you do all that weird shit you are into,” he said before he turned back to Cassandra, pressing her lips to his as he bit and nipped at them. He moaned against her, reaching a hand down her body to cup her crotch. “You are going to behave, aren’t you? We’ll show you what real men are like,” he said against her before he rubbed his fingers over the laces of her breeches, “Should we take you out here in the open? Or should we go somewhere more exclusive than this?”

She felt the tears gather in her eyes as she struggled helplessly against him. Something was wrong. Just a few drinks should not have done this to her body. Her knees gave out and she lost her balance, falling flat on her back as he fell with her, his weight knocking the air from her lungs as he landed on top of her. She tried to kick, to squirm away, to scratch or bite him, but with every effort, she seemed even less capable of defending herself. “Help!” she managed to cry out.

A pathetic whimper escaped her as Stephan got to his knees and rolled her over beneath him, pinning her arms behind her. “Please!” she begged, “Please do not do this!” She suddenly wished one of the others had come with her, followed after her, stopped her from going to that tavern. She looked around, hoping to see one of them, that they could save her from this fate. She should have gone to bed with Varric, she shouldn’t have let her temper get the better of her.

She nearly gagged as she felt Stephan grind himself against her backside. “Stop!” she shouted, trying to buck him off, but he only laughed at her. A shadowy figure caught her attention. “HELP!” she cried desperately. “PLEASE HELP ME!”

Earl burst through the brush, his eyes narrowing at the scene in front of him, “What in the Maker’s name is going on here?!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Graphic depiction of rape.

Cassandra felt as though she might cry with relief as she heard Earl’s scolding voice and felt Stephan freeze behind her. “Thank you,” she gasped out, letting her forehead drop to the ground beneath her. Earl was a big man, and though he was quite overweight, she had the impression that neither Stephan nor Tirell would want to try their luck against him. All she wanted was to go back to camp, to forget this ever happened. She shuddered to think how close she had come to being raped. The very thought was enough to make her nauseous. 

Earl scowled at the two younger men as he stalked into the area. “How many times have I told you idiots? Silence the bitches before they can make any noise and for the Maker’s sake, don’t do this shit out in the open. We locked that cabin by the road for a reason.” He groaned and rubbed at his head. “Andraste preserve me, use your heads for once,” he muttered and reached into his pocket, withdrawing a small pouch that he tossed to Tirell. “Hang on to that. We’re going to need more of that if we want to keep her cooperative for the rest of the night,” he said as he looked down at the Seeker. Her ample hips and caramel colored flesh was certainly a sight for sore eyes. “That dwarf is going to be sorry he pushed you away tonight. Or was it the other way around?”

A fresh wave of horror washed over Cassandra as she realized that Earl was part of this. It suddenly clicked in her head. He must’ve spiked her drink with something. “YOU,” she snarled, trying to escape from Stephan’s grasp again. “You were part of this? How could you?” Her wrists ached painfully in Stephan’s grasp as she tried to pull away from him. “Get off me!”

Tirell grinned and pocketed the pouch. “Don’t give her too much,” he said. “They’re more fun when they fight back.” He looked at Earl, an almost sheepish look on his face. “Sorry. We tried to get her to come with us, but she started putting up a fight pretty quick. We might have to tie this one down.”

He snorted and reached down to help Stephan get the woman to her feet and started to help drag her to their safe house. “Did you think I was pulling your leg when I told you she was part of the Inquisition? I never joke about these matters,” he muttered as they came to a stop in front of the house and he waited as Tirell opened it up with a key and they dragged Cassandra inside. “Lock it and hide the key while we... distract... Cassandra here.” He grinned and knelt down to her on the ground, turning her face towards him. “Don’t get me wrong, family life is great and all that. But you remember that conversation about men we had, yes? We only want warm beds, good meals. Great sex. My wife lacks on that front. Won’t play with me, so I have to seek satisfaction in other ways. You understand, don’t you? Your dwarf doesn’t understand. How could he? Those little freaks. We will treat you right. All you have to do is cooperate with us.”

Cassandra stared at him with all the hate she could possibly muster and spat in his face. “I will not cooperate,” she snarled and tried to push herself to her feet, but Earl easily pushed her back down. What was in that drink? She’d never felt so out of control of her body before. Still, she had to try, had to escape somehow. Desperation clawed at her chest as Tirell locked the door, trapping her inside with the three men. “You’re all disgusting,” she said venomously as she crawled backwards away from them, looking desperately around for something she could use as a weapon, something she could use to defend herself.

Stephan chuckled, “That ain’t something we haven’t heard from our own wives, lady. Why should we care? They are the ones that haven’t realized that they are the bags of shit and we are just the helpless victims. It’s always the men’s fault if something goes wrong. You think that your beau will treat you any differently? He will just use you and move onto the next woman. That’s all we do. Really. You never stick around to…”

“Stephan,” Earl growled, “That’s enough. She is here to be fucked, not someone you can tell your life story to. Now get to it, or I am going to have first goes this time.” He muttered as he reached down to untie the laces that held Cassandra’s armor to her, “Get the rope. I think she will give us trouble regardless.”

Tirell picked up the lengths of rope and watched as Earl fought Cassandra, stripping her naked before them as she screamed, fought, begged for them to stop. He couldn’t stop himself from rubbing his cock as he looked at her. Oh, he was going to enjoy this.

Cassandra had never felt so panicked and helpless in all her life as her wrists were bound with the rough rope. “Stop,” she begged. “Please. Please do not do this.” She squeezed her eyes shut, tears slipping from beneath them as she prayed to the Maker to save her from this. Surely one of the others would become concerned that she hadn’t made it back to camp. Wouldn’t they be out looking for her? That suddenly gave her hope and she looked at them again, narrowing her eyes as she forced her voice to steady. “They will come for me. The Inquisitor will come looking for me and he will find you if you do this,” she threatened.

“Will they?” Earl commented as he let his hand skim down her naked body, cupping her bare breast and he flicked his thumb over her nipple as he watched it harden beneath his touch. “Did you not have a fight with your party before you came to the bar? What makes you think that they will come for you? No one is going to help you. All you have is us.” He leaned over, sealing his mouth around the pert nipple, biting hard at the flesh, smiling as he tasted blood and he pulled back. “You are ours, Cassandra.”

She cried out at the sharp pain in her breast. The intimate contact and the way he purred her name made her want to vomit. She kicked out at him, though the movement was slowed, ineffective. “HELP!” she tried screaming out again, hoping that perhaps someone might be passing by the cabin. “SOMEONE HELP ME!”

Stephan slapped a hand over her mouth, growling, “You didn’t give her enough. She is stronger than we thought.” He looked to Tirell. “Toss me another pinch of herbs,” he said. His hand lifted and he easily caught the narcotic before he turned to press it to Cassandra’s lips. They remained firmly closed and he sighed. “You women think you are all the same. You are nothing,” he hissed at her before he pinched her nose shut with his free hand and pressed the herbs to her closed lips, “Eat and swallow. You will feel much better.”

Cassandra shook her head, keeping her lips pressed tightly together, even as she struggled for breath. She would not give in, she couldn’t, she refused, and yet… Her vision began to darken from lack of oxygen and against her own will, her lips parted to gasp for air and immediately he shoved the pinch of powdered herbs into her mouth, then clapped his hand over her lips, forcing her to swallow. “Fuck you,” she hissed when he finally let go of her face. Undiluted by alcohol, the herbs seemed to take effect even faster and she struggled to keep her head upright. 

Stephan smiled at the change in her attitude. “There we go,” he purred as he slid his fingers underneath her chin and lifted her head. He grinned at the way her eyes drooped, the way a little spittle dripped from the corner of her lips. “Feels good, doesn’t it, Lady Cassandra?” he asked as he held out his hand, “Tirell, give me her sword.”

“No,” Cassandra managed to mumble, weakly trying to move away from him, but her arms and legs seemed a dead weight to her. Being tied with the rope wasn’t even necessary at this point; she couldn’t have fought them off no matter how hard she tried. Her eyes were wary and fearful as Tirell passed the weapon to Stephan. She couldn’t imagine what he wanted her sword for, but knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant. Her mind was screaming as her body slumped uselessly against the wall. Nothing had ever been so horrifying to her as that moment, mentally aware yet trapped in her own body.

Stephan grinned at her, reaching into his pocket to draw out a small jar that he sat next to her before he lifted off the lid and dipped his fingers inside. He rubbed the slick gel between his fingers. “You think you are a true warrior, don’t you?” he asked as he brought his slicked fingers to the hilt of her sword. They slid effortlessly over the worn leather and metal. “This sword is in fine condition, but it is like you in many aspects. It does not know the touch of a true man. A true warrior,” he said as he took his hands from the sword and pressed his fingers between the cheeks of her buttocks. He stroked at the puckered flesh hidden within. “Has your dwarven lover even been back here? It doesn’t feel like it.”

Pure repulsion filled every fiber of her being as he touched her there. Of course she and Varric had done no such thing; she had no desire for it and he had never expressed an interest. It seemed wrong to her. And this, well, this was about as wrong as things could go. She tasted bile in the back of her throat as his fingers penetrated her body and she realized what he intended to do with the hilt of her sword. “Sick… bastard…” she managed, trying to resist the way he pressed his fingers into her, but it only made it hurt more.

Stephan chuckled and withdrew his fingers before he used one hand to part the cheeks of her buttocks, before he pressed the hilt of the sword towards the puckered flesh. “Oh I already know I’m a sick bastard. No one will believe you. I am an upstanding citizen of Redcliffe. They will just write you off as ‘Crazy Cassandra,’” he purred into her ear as he leaned over her and pressed the sword harder against her, giving out a gasp as the resistance of her body gave way and the sword pommel popped passed the ring of muscle. 

The man moaned obnoxiously as it did, rutting against her. “Oh my dear. My Cassandra,” he breathed into her ear hotly, “Doesn’t that feel good? Your own sword fucking you. It’s bigger than that dwarf, isn’t it?” He breathed against her, pressing his hardness down against the small of her back as he kept the sword firmly pressed into her.

Cassandra had never felt so worthless and disgusting in all her life. She wanted to run away, she longed for a hot bath back in the safety of Skyhold where she could scrub and scrub her skin until she removed the feel of this man. The hard grip of her sword ripped her body, heat and sharp pain radiating through her. She’d never despised the weapon before, but now she didn’t know if she’d ever be able to look at it again. Tears leaked from her eyes as he relentlessly punished her body with it, rubbing himself against her at the same time. Maker, just take her now. Death would be merciful compared to this disgusting act.

Earl laughed out-loud as he watch Stephan press the hilt of the sword into her body. “Look at how her body swallows it up!” he said with excitement. “You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” he teased, knowing the medication would prevent her from speaking for a few hours while they took advantage of her.  The only thing that brought his spirits down was that the dwarf might know where to find them. He had heard many rumors about the dwarf ‘Varric Tethras’. They were not a few. They were a lot. The kind of rumors that left you cowering in your sleep type rumors. 

If they found her.

Earl smiled as he watched Stephan violate Cassandra with the hilt of her own sword and he let his lips curl up in observation. “Hold up a moment. She isn’t smiling. One would think that she isn’t enjoying this,” he commented as he laid down on the ground, his head facing the ceiling of the hut, “Move her cunt over me.”

Tirell moved to grab Cassandra under her arms and dragged her across the room, the sword scraping against the floor as it protruded from her body. “Andraste’s tits, this bitch is dead weight,” he grumbled as he positioned her over Earl’s face, kicking her legs apart as he lowered her, letting her slump against him. “Heh, we can really have some fun now,” he commented as he began to unlace his breeches. He groaned as he freed his cock from his pants, one hand still holding her upright as the other grasped himself and slid into her mouth.

If she’d had the ability, she would’ve bit his dick clean off and thrown it in his face. As it was, all she could do was slump pitifully against him, making choking noises as he fucked her mouth.  _ ‘Maker, let it end,’  _ her mind begged as Tirell roughly thrust against her face. He smelled dirty, he tasted disgusting. She wanted to scour her mouth with boiling water and soap. Surely that would be better than this. She tried to bite him, but all he did was moan obscenely and increase his pace as he fisted his fingers into her hair, slamming her mouth over his cock.

Earl laughed against her as she struggled and he forced her legs apart before he buried his lips against her cunt. He tongue delved deeply into her moist cavern, and he enjoyed the dead weight of her body against him. It was better than anything he knew. This was one high he could never get enough of. “That’s it,” he breathed against her before sliding his tongue deep within her folds again, licking at her clit and watching as her lips became redder, slicker against his touch, “You want to come for us, don’t you?”

That was the farthest thing from her mind in that moment. She was so disgusted, with these men and with herself for being so vulnerable as to fall prey to them. More tears slipped from her eyes as they used her body to their liking, as if she were just some object, some toy to amuse themselves with. 

Tirell groaned as he plunged his cock into her mouth again and again, thinking of all the things they would do to her before they were done with her. “That’s it,” he purred, his pace increasing as he panted, feeling his cock swell. “Mmm, yeah,” he moaned before he slammed her face against his body and held her there. “Swallow, bitch,” he commanded as his cock pumped his cum down her throat.

Cassandra gagged and choked, weakly struggling as she was forced to drink him down. She couldn’t escape him, couldn’t pull back. A whine issued from her throat as his hips jerked against her face, spilling the last of himself into her mouth.

Stephan chuckled as he watch Cassandra gag and he reached down to the sword, pulling it free from her body, smirking at the blood that stained the leather. "Whoops, don't think I used enough lubrication. Guess she really was a virgin back here," he commented before he tossed the sword away, the clatter of metal echoing around the room. He stepped up behind Cassandra and lifted her up and off of Earl's face. "Come on, old man," he muttered as he positioned her over the bartender's erect cock. "Here we go, baby. You get a real cock," he said into her ear as he lowered her down onto the hard flesh.

Oh the things she wanted to say to them, to do to them in retaliation. She’d had a  _ real cock  _ as he put it. She’d had Varric. Her heart sank as she thought about him. What would he think? What would he say if he learned what happened here? It made her sick to think about it. He’d never want to touch her again. What they had was ruined now, all because she just had to be so damn stubborn. A sob escaped her as she was bounced like a ragdoll on Earl’s cock; she truly felt completely and utterly worthless.

Earl chuckled before he moaned out as he slid into her slick heat over and over again. "That's it, just like that," he breathed as he reached up and took her from Stephan, pulling her down against him and he crushed their lips together. He slid his tongue into her slack mouth, moaning obscenely as his hands roamed over her back and down to her backside where he squeezed at her firm globes.

Stephan reached down to his trousers and loosened his cock from them before he stepped up behind Cassandra and rubbed the head of his cock between her cheeks. The sword had loosened her considerably and she was slick with lubricant and her own blood. He groaned as he pushed inside of her, in turn pushing her further down onto Earl's cock. "Oh yeah, so tight," he groaned out as he rocked into her, "That's it baby. Take all of it."

She wanted to scream. But all she could do was lie there helpless, sandwiched between the two men as they pleasured themselves with her. Her body felt as though it were being torn as they forced themselves into her again and again. Heated pain ripped through her core and her backside; she could smell blood. A disgusted, pained growl worked its way up from her throat as she fought for control over her body. “Stop,” she managed, though the effort made her mind dizzy. What were those herbs they’d given her? Whatever they were, it was a powerful mix and there was nothing she could do to stop these men now. All she could do was lay there as they had their way with her, and pray that it ended soon.

Earl moaned at the word that Cassandra managed to speak. She sounded weak, broken and he felt his cock harden inside of her at the sound of it. "We've only just begun, sweet thing," he moaned against her, pressing his lips to her neck as he slammed up into her, his hands holding her hips steady. He loved the way she wrapped around him, her legs spread wide around his belly. "That's it. Right there!" he cried out as he pushed up into her, holding her down around his cock as his orgasm took him and he spent himself inside of her. He loved how she was forced to ride out his orgasm as Stephan pounded into her from behind. "Shit, that's good," he breathed as he let his head fall back to the ground.

Stephan grinned and leaned down to bite at Cassandra's shoulder as he pumped into her, the sound of skin slapping skin filled the air in tandem with his moans as he sped towards completion.  "Ah! Fuck!" he shouted as his orgasm snuck up on him and he splurted into her, pulling out halfway so that his cum landed on her back. "Mmm, yeah. that's it. So good," he breathed, reaching down and smearing the essence over her back. He finally pulled away and stood up straight, "Shit, this is the best one yet." 

Tirell chuckled as he watched his buddies finish with her. For the moment, at least. He walked over and dragged her off of Earl, handling her roughly as he pulled her over to a corner of the room. “Oh, don’t look so disappointed,” he said, a grin splitting his face. “We’re nowhere near done with you yet.”


	4. Chapter 4

It was early morning when the Inquisitor awoke, stretching in his tent with a groan. He still hadn’t made it to Redcliffe to pick up something for Josephine. A smile split his face as he thought about her, wondering what he should get her. Really, he could’ve probably brought back anything and she would be happy. 

He pushed himself to get up and crawled out of his tent, stretching again as he stood, his back popping. Solas already had the fire rekindled. “Morning,” the Inquisitor greeted as he sat himself down next to the elf. It didn’t surprise him to see that Varric wasn’t up yet. But Cassandra’s tent looked as though no one had touched it. He raised an eyebrow. “Should we risk waking Varric up or do you think we’ll find Cassandra in there with him?” he asked in an amused tone.

Solas looked up at the Inquisitor and shook his head. “Lady Cassandra did not come back last night. I believe she is still in Redcliffe,” he said as he glanced at the rising sun, the tinge of red that seemed to stain it making the morning glow golden. He heard rustling from Varric’s tent and looked to see the dwarf emerge, his hair disheveled and he looked like he hadn’t slept a wink. 

Varric had been dozing, listening to his companions, but when he heard that Cassandra hadn’t come back at all it sent a pang of worry through him and he quickly threw on his clothes and came out. “She didn’t come back?” he asked before he ran a hand through his hair. “Maker’s breath,” he muttered, guilt tearing through him, “I shouldn’t have brought it up. Andraste’s tits, I’m a fool.”

The elf gave the dwarf a slight smile. “No, it was a reasonable thing to think she would want to do. Cassandra is rather stubborn and independent. It could be that she thinks taking that step in the relationship with you will force her to give up some freedom or make her feel weak in some aspect,” he said as he stood up, stretching before he shouldered his staff, “In any case, I suggest we head onto the village. It is likely Cassandra is still there, if not on her way back already. We will meet her on the road.”

The Inquisitor nodded and stood again. He frowned slightly at the look on Varric’s face and clapped a hand to his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Varric. I’m sure we’ll find her,” he tried to reassure. “You know Cassandra is more than capable of handling herself. I’m sure nothing bad’s happened. But Solas is right; she’s stubborn. For all we know, she rented herself a room for the night just to stay away from us.” He offered a smile, thinking that Cassandra would do such a thing just to prove a point.

Varric tried to let out a laugh, but it sounded strained and he nodded. “Yeah, that sounds like her. We’ll be lucky if she didn’t stab anyone in the process,” he said as he pulled Bianca onto his shoulder. “Let’s go then, I’d like to apologize to her before I dig my own grave,” he muttered, only half joking about it. Maybe he’d find some nice flowers for her or write another chapter for her as well.

The walk to Redcliffe seemed to take longer than Varric would have liked and he was walking faster than he could remember, trying to keep up pace with the others. “So, where should we check first? The inn? The chantry?” he asked, his eyes scanning the town for any sign of the Seeker. Never before had he regretted his words as much as he did in that moment. Cassandra was not Bianca. It had been wrong of him to lump her in with the other woman. She hadn’t let him down yet and she had given him no reason to distrust her. 

“We could split up, cover more ground,” the Inquisitor suggested, looking around to see if he recognized anyone. He half-expected her to come strolling towards them, looking fierce and all-business as usual. “She’s here somewhere. It shouldn’t take us much to find her. Most people know who she is. Let’s just ask around.”

* * *

 

They spent the next few hours looking for Cassandra, though they turned up very little. Most everyone they asked hadn’t seen her, and the few who claimed to have seen her said that she’d been at the tavern the night before, but had left on her own and no one had seen anything out of her since. 

The Inquisitor ran a hand over his face. “Dammit, Cassandra,” he muttered. “Do you think she might’ve gone back to Skyhold on her own? Or should we keep looking outside the town? I’d hate to think she was hurt somewhere, needing our help.”

Varric winced at that thought. “Would she go back to Skyhold on her own? The Seeker isn’t one to leave the party when we still have business to do. Then again, I was an ass to her,” he said as he thought over the options, trying to get into Cassandra’s head. He felt that deep down, there was no way she would be upset enough to just leave them and head back to Skyhold.

Solas let his fingers curl around his staff as he looked around the village. “If she were injured somewhere out in the wilderness, it is likely we would have heard something of it. She can take care of herself, she is a very capable woman and knows her way around a fight. Perhaps she did go back to Skyhold. Perhaps if we head back that way, we will stumble across her as well.”

“You said you thought she’d be here or on the road back to camp. We never saw her,” Varric argued, not sure what to do. He didn’t think she’d be in trouble. She was strong. He reluctantly shook his head. “Maybe she had a few to drink and then decided it would be a good idea to go back to Skyhold…”

“Let’s head back,” the Inquisitor suggested. “We’ll look for her along the way. But five royals says we find her with her training dummies as soon as we get back to Skyhold.” He truly believed that Cassandra was fine, wherever she was, but he couldn’t help to feel a little bit of worry over her. There was always what-if. What if she had been hurt or had run into trouble along the way? He didn’t see how that could happen, but he’d learned a long time ago that the strangest of things really could happen.

Varric nodded. “Let’s stop back by the tavern on our way out. I want to talk to the bartender, see if he remembers serving her last night. Then we can head back to Skyhold,” he said as he turned and headed towards the inn, listening as the Inquisitor and Solas fell in step next to him. The tavern was in full swing when he pushed open the door and his eyes scanned over the tables again, but nothing jumped out at him. His eyes landed on the bartender, a rather large man who was wiping down mugs. 

Earl nearly froze when he saw the Inquisitor and his company come into the bar and he forced a smile. There was no way that they knew what happened and he smiled warmly at the thought of Cassandra, tied up in the bed at the safe house. Tirell and Stephan keeping her ‘company.’ “Afternoon friends, what can I get for you today?” he asked as he set down the mug that he had been wiping down.

The Inquisitor walked up to the bar first. “Actually, we’re looking for a friend of ours. Some people said she was here last night. We were wondering if you’d seen her. Tall, short black hair, scar on her cheek. Her name’s Cassandra,” he said, glancing around at the other bar patrons, looking to see if any of them gave an indication that they remembered seeing her, but he saw nothing. He suddenly wished Bull was with them. The Qunari could read people better than anyone.

Earl nodded. “Yeah, I remember her. Came in with a chip on her shoulder and looks that could kill if she stared at you too long. Sat here and had a few drinks, then she left. She said something about heading back. I assumed she was heading back to the Inquisition’s camp?” he said, putting on a worried look for them, “She didn’t make it back to you?”

“No, she didn’t,” the Inquisitor answered, his worry starting to grow. He looked at Solas and Varric. “You don’t think she overdid it on the drinks and got herself into some trouble somehow, do you? I know that doesn’t sound like her, but I don’t want to make a mistake either. I really want to think she’s beat us back to Skyhold.”

Varric shook his head. “I don’t think Cassandra would get that drunk. She likes to keep her head about her, you know?” he said, though he wasn’t sure if it was for the Inquisitor’s benefit or his own, “And what if we make it back to Skyhold and she’s not there? What then?” he asked.

Earl tapped his finger against his lips. “I can have a few friends keep a lookout in the woods outside the village. If she comes back or if we find her, we can send word to your Inquisition,” he offered. If they went back to Skyhold, it would be all the better. In truth, he wanted nothing more than to close down the bar and go have another piece of the Seeker. He let his eyes drift over the dwarf. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked worried, guilty. Oh, if only he knew the truth. After they left, he and his friends would enjoy the Seeker at their leisure and then kill her off before writing to Skyhold that they had found her body mauled by animals or some shit like that. Maybe bandits. Bandits were good.

“Do that please,” the Inquisitor said. He gave a heavy sigh and turned fully away from the bar. “Aside from looking for her on the way back, I don’t know what else there is for us to do,” he said, giving Varric an apologetic look. “We’ve searched all over the place. If she were here in town, we would’ve found her by now. I think our best option is to go back to Skyhold and see if she’s there. And if she’s not, then we will gather our forces and go out en masse to find her. No matter where she’s at, we’ll find her, Varric.” He managed to smile. “But I still say she’s beating the hell out of her training dummies and cursing our names.”

He gave the Inquisitor a half smile and nodded. “I hope you’re right,” he said before he turned and followed them out the door. “I really hope she is just back in the keep, destroying more dummies. Let’s go. Every second I don’t apologize, is taking me closer to her strangling me again,” he said as he shut the door to the inn behind him.

* * *

 

Cassandra didn’t know it was possible to feel this level of humiliation. Laying naked on a filthy mattress, her hands tied above her head, her legs spread wide with her ankles bound to the bedposts, a gag in her mouth to silence her. The drugs had long since worn off, but she was physically weak from all the abuse, and a lack of food and water didn’t help matters either. But more than that, she felt as if they’d broken her spirit.

Stephan groaned as he watched Tirell fucking Cassandra, perched between her legs. He stood naked next to the bed, furiously stroking his hard cock, aiming the tip at her face as he threw his head back and came. Thick strands of his cum landing over her mouth, her cheeks, her nose. “Ah shit. I think I’m about dry,” he moaned before he moved back, grabbing a greasy towel off the ground and wiped the sweat from his face, “Look at you go. Man, I swear, you are like a fucking horse.”

Tirell grinned and gave a breathless laugh as he pounded his cock into the woman beneath him. “Well what else is she good for?” he countered, a long groan escaping him. “What are any of them good for besides taking a man’s cock?” He looked at her, grabbing her face to make her look at him. “This is all you’re worth. A wet hole for a man to fuck and nothing more.” His face screwed up as his pace increased and he moaned his release a moment later.

Cassandra felt dead inside as he came within her again. It was as if her mind were shutting down, trying to separate herself from what was being done to her, though she couldn’t quite manage it. It was too real; there was no coming back from this. 

Her eyes went wide as she heard voices outside. Voices she recognized, calling her name. A fresh hope renewed in her chest and she wrestled around on the bed, trying to cry out in answer. Oh, if Varric or one of the others could hear her, she’d be saved.

Stephan laughed at her renewed struggle. “Oh look at that. She can hear the others looking for her.” He leaned down, getting in her face. “Sorry to tell you, but they won’t find you here. No one knows where you are except for us. Earl will send them on their way and you will have nothing else to distract you.”  He grinned and ran a hand over her breasts. “Is one of them that dwarf? Do you want him to come and save you?” he said with a wicked grin. He stood up straighter and looked towards the door. “Stupid Inquisition. I’d like to bring him in here and make him watch what we are doing to you. Do you think he would cry? Seeing you so broken?” 

He watched as she glared at him and he chuckled, “Still have a little bit of fight in you?” He reached down and fingered her slit that was slick with cum. Stephan slid two fingers into her heat and let his thumb come to rest over her clit, rubbing over it with more gentleness that they had shown her since they had dragged her into the little house. He let his fingers curl inside of her as he worked on seeing if he could bring her pleasure and break her further.

There was something even more revolting about his gentle touch, like he expected her to enjoy it. Her body felt his touch, how he seemed to know the right places to please a woman, but it just disgusted her all the more. She thrashed as much as her bonds would allow, trying to writhe away from his touch. But he merciless, crooking his fingers inside her, watching her with a smug look on his face. She screamed around the gag in her mouth, pure venom in her tone as her skin crawled from being violated so. And with Varric right outside the door, and he didn’t even know what was happening, how close he was to her in that moment. It disgusted her to no end.

Stephan made a face the next moment, pulling his hand away from her after she did nothing but try and scream for help. “Shit, this is why there is no point in trying to get a woman off. They take forever and by the time you get somewhere with them, you’ve lost your rocks,” he muttered. “Mmm, but it would be so good to see you get off on this,” he said before he shook his head and turned to go over to the corner of the house where they had thrown her clothes and armor. He relieved his bladder on them. “Wish Earl would hurry up. I want to have some more fun with her. Think he could make her come like the whore she is?” He gave himself a shake and turned around to grab his trousers off of the floor and pulled them on.

“I dunno,” Tirell said as he lounged in a wooden chair, listening to the voices outside as they moved farther away. “She’s a stubborn bitch. Who cares if she gets off anyway? Ain’t worth the trouble as far as I’m concerned. She should just be happy that we decided to use her and let that be that.” He got up and moved to a window, peering through the boards over it. “That was almost too close for comfort. We might not have a lot of time with this one. If they come back looking for her, we might end up in a heap of trouble. Best to use her and get rid of her soon,” he said worriedly.

Stephan nodded, moving to stand over Cassandra as he studied her body. “Yeah. Earl said we could probably dump her body in the river. Maybe out in the woods near that bear cave. They’ll take care of most of the work,” he said as he reached down and brushed a hand through her hair, catching hold of it and pulling it back to expose her throat before he leaned down and suckled on the sweet flesh, bruising it. He pulled back with a smirk and observed his mark on her. “Such a pity though. She’s a fine piece of ass,” he lamented before he let go of her. 

Would the torment never end? Now they intended to kill her once they were done using her. Though she almost welcomed it. Anything would be better than this, to be treated as some lesser thing, an object for men to pleasure themselves with and nothing more. Yes, anything was better than this. Even death.

Tirell turned away from the window, a smirk on his face. “Ah well. Enjoy it while it lasts,” he said, regarding the woman on the bed. The smirk split into a wicked smile. “If she doesn’t enjoy the pleasure, maybe she likes a little pain. We’ll have to test that once I get my second wind,” he said, walking closer and reaching out to pinch her nipple harshly, twisting it, and he grinned as she gave a pained cry. “Oh yeah. Now the fun is really going to start.”


	5. Chapter 5

Earl groaned as he pounded into Cassandra’s body. He had flipped her over and pulled her ass up into the air so he could have access to both well lubricated holes. They had given her more of the drug to help her relax again and he loved how pliable she was. “That’s a good bitch, taking every inch of my cock. So good.” He moaned as he threw his head back as he gripped her hips with bruising force. The was looking a little worse for wear now. 

She was bleeding from her orifices, the metallic tang so thick in the air that he could almost taste it. Bruises covered her body along with semen in various states of drying. With a grunt he came, his cock milked dry from an entire night of sex with her. He panted against her, raising a hand and slapping the firm skin of her backside. “Okay boys. Stick a fork in her. She’s done,” he breathed as he pulled back, watching his cum sliding out of her body and onto the puddle beneath her. “Not sure we could fill her up with any more,” he said as he stood up and nudged her over with his foot.  Her face was barely recognizable with a broken nose and an eye swollen shut. Her nipples were almost purple from being abused too much. 

He looked to Tirell, “You got the blanket?”

“Aww, are you sure?” Tirell whined, though he grabbed the blanket and walked over to her. He looked her over for a moment, smirking at the bite he’d left on her breast; his teeth had broken her skin. “Hell, she looks dead already.” She was barely breathing, lying limp on the floor. He reached out and twisted an already bruised nipple, frowning when she didn’t respond. “C’mon, don’t tell me you’re worn out already,” he muttered, reaching between her legs and doing the same to her clit. “Huh. I guess you’re right. She really screamed earlier when I did that.”

Cassandra was barely aware of herself or what was happening to her at this point. They’d beaten, raped, sodomized, and abused her in every way possible. Her mind and her spirit were broken. She wanted to die. It would be a small mercy at this point. Why would she want to go on living after this? 

Tirell untied the rope from her wrists and rolled her onto her chest again. “This won’t take much,” he said as he straddled her hips and looped the rope around her neck. He pulled it tight, smirking as a renewed strength seemed to fill the Seeker as her body jerked beneath him and her hands clawed at the rope. “Damn, this one had a lot of spirit,” he said in a strained voice as he pulled even harder at the rope.

Cassandra’s eyes streamed as her oxygen was cut off, the rope burning her neck with its rough fibers as they slid and tightened around her throat. The edges of her vision began to darken and her hands fell away from the rope, her mind going foggy. This was it. The end of her life and all she could think about was how nice it might have been to spend just one full night in Varric’s arms and to wake up next to him in the morning.

Earl chuckled as she went limp beneath Tirell and deathly still. “Enough. She’s gone. You were right about that one. Didn’t take much at all,” he said as he pulled on his clothes again and with Stephan’s help they moved the body to the open blanket and rolled her up in it. “You both know the way to the cave right? We’ll check back every day until the bears get it and then we will send word to the Inquisition that their Seeker is dead.” 

Stephan rolled his eyes and leaned down to pick up the body and hefted it over his shoulder. “Yeah, we see how it is. You go home to a hot dinner while we get to deal with the fun stuff,” he muttered as he went out the door and let the body fall with a thump to the cart they hitched up to the horse. “Give her sword here too,” he said.

Tirell unceremoniously tossed the sword into the cart and moved around to grab the horse’s lead. He watched as Earl headed back into town. “Lazy fat bastard,” he muttered as he started to walk through the woods towards the cave. “Like you said, leaving us with the bitch work. Ah well. It was fun while it lasted. But we better lay low for a bit. People are gonna be up in arms looking for this bitch for the next few days.”

He only laughed at that. “Yeah, but it was worth it. I mean, how many other people can say that they got to give it to the Hero of Orlais? Shit man, that was the best fuck I’ve had in a while,” Stephan said as he looked at the corpse but gave a disgusted shudder the next moment. “Eh, I’d say give me one last round with it, but they are no fun when they are dead and gone. I gotta love the fighters,” he said as they came to the spot just outside of the village. He looked around for any bears, but couldn’t see any in the darkness, “Think this is a good spot?”

“Good as any,” Tirell answered and stopped the horse. “And yeah, they’re definitely no fun once they’re dead. No one wants cold pussy.” He grabbed up the blanket-wrapped body and heaved it out of the cart, then dropped the sword next to it. “Easy as that,” he said, brushing his hands off and looking rather proud of himself. “Come on, let’s get back to town before anyone sees us.”

Stephan chuckled. “Yeah, maybe we can scope for the next one. Are there any travelers in town?” he asked before he felt his blood run cold as he heard something snap and a growl somewhere in the distance. “Fuck! I thought they were asleep for the night!” His eyes widened as he saw the lumbering form of a bear heading straight for them, roaring at them. “Run for it!” he shouted, not even thinking about standing still. The bear only ran after the moving targets. 

Tirell tore out after Stephan, running for all he was worth, forgetting the horse and cart behind. “We weren’t supposed to get THAT close to the cave, you moron!” he shouted as they crashed through the trees, the bear hot on their heels.

* * *

 

Cassandra didn’t know where she was when she woke up. She felt smothered, it was dark, and she quickly realized she was rolled up in a large quilt. Her breath came in short, panicked breaths as she listened for voices or movement that told her anyone was nearby. But all she heard were the night sounds of a forest and the impatient stamp of a horse’s hoof. Had they abandoned her out here?

She quickly freed herself of the blanket and stood up, shivering in the cool air. “Praise the Maker,” she nearly sobbed. Her voice was rough, hoarse, and her neck tender from the rope burn. Every inch of her body ached, throbbed, stung. Her skin felt sticky and filthy. But she didn’t have time to dwell on that. She had to get as far away from that place as possible in case they decided to come back. 

Her sword lay on the ground next to her and for a moment, she hesitated to pick it up. She felt betrayed by it, which she knew logically didn’t make much sense. An inanimate object wasn’t capable of betrayal, yet she felt that way nonetheless. 

She had to get back to Skyhold. Why the horse was still there with a cart, she didn’t know. They had to have used it to move her out here, but why it was left was beyond her. It didn’t matter now. She grabbed her sword and cut part of the harness off the horse, then used it to secure the blanket around herself. She didn’t know where her clothes and armor were, but she wasn’t going to risk going back to that house to look for them. Besides, they’d been pissed on and she’d rather just forget about them.

With great effort, she hauled herself onto the horse’s bare back, then urged it forward, heading back towards Skyhold. She wanted to break down, to cry, to find a way to deal with everything that happened to her. But it would have to wait. There was no time for that now. The first step was getting back to Skyhold and the safety it provided.

* * *

 

Varric usually considered himself a patient man, able to keep his cool in some of the worst situations. Unless they involved caves, but that was another story for another time. The panic and worry that wrapped around him when they rode into Skyhold and he realized that Cassandra was not hacking away at the training dummies was indescribable. Had it not been for the others holding him back, he would have turned around and gone right back out to the Hinterlands to find Cassandra. Something had happened. Something terrible had happened to her, he was sure of it, and it was his fault. If he had just kept his mouth shut and let her be, this whole mess would never have happened. He would give anything to have her back in his arms, to tell her he was sorry for driving her away in the first place. He didn’t even want to think about the fact that he might not have a chance to say sorry.

“Varric, if you do not stop pacing, you are going to wear a hole in the ground and fall through,” Dorian said, his hands clenching around his staff. He was worried for his friend; Cassandra had never judged him for who or what he was and to hear she had gone missing? All the drinks in the world couldn’t settle his nerves. They were going to find her. He looked to Bull and Cole who were standing ready to go search as well. Cullen was barking orders at the recruits and Leliana’s agents were zipping about with purpose. 

“I need to get back out there, Sparkler. It’s my fault she’s not here right now. I have to find her and make this right,” Varric said, almost too forcefully. His mind was pouring over everywhere they could have looked for Cassandra, but nothing was standing out at him. 

“How the hell could this have happened?” Bull growled. “I can’t believe she would just disappear like that. Cass is too smart and too strong for this kind of shit. I’d say she got lost, but that seems unlikely.” He frowned as he crossed his arms, trying to work it out in his head. There had to have been an accident. It was the only thing that made sense. He couldn’t accept that she’d been attacked and overpowered. She was too good a warrior for that.

“We’re ready to move,” Cullen announced, turning towards the Inner Circle who all looked impatient and worried. “We’ll find her. Even if we have to break down doors and search every house in the Hinterlands.” There was a sinking feeling in his stomach as he thought about what could have befallen his friend. But he couldn’t let it show, he had to be strong and keep calm. It would not do to panic. “If we head out now, we can-”

A startled cry cut him off and he turned towards the gate. His eyes went wide as he saw Cassandra walking forward with purpose, wrapped makeshift in a blanket, leading a rather exhausted-looking horse. She looked horrible, her face bruised and swollen, blood streaked across her face, dark thick lines around her neck as if someone had tried to strangle her. “Maker preserve me,” he breathed in horror.

Varric felt the world drop out from beneath him as he saw Cassandra. First joy and then horror washed over him. He could barely even hear what Cole was muttering behind him as he stumbled forward, rushing over to her. No. No no no no! The state she was in, no clothes, bare feet. Beaten and bloody told a story he wanted no part of, but it was entirely his fault. His fault. He came to a stop in front of her, shaking all over as he drank in her form. He barely heard Cullen shouting for his men to clear off or the sound of Dorian shouting for a healer. “Cassandra?” he said, his voice breaking as he looked at her, watching her face. His heart broke a the look he saw there. 

Cassandra didn’t know what she expected to feel once she got back to Skyhold. Relief? Safety? Happy? But she felt none of it. She still felt filthy, worthless, and numb. She looked at Varric, but couldn’t muster up the energy to give him any sort of expression. She just couldn’t. She dropped the reins of the horse, very much aware of the looks of horror and shock on everyone’s faces. It didn’t faze her. “I want a bath,” she managed to croak out.

Varric only nodded and turned to ask someone to prepare a bath, but Cole already nodded. 

“She wants it in your room,” was all he said before he vanished in a puff of smoke.

Varric turned back to her, looking her over a moment before he held out a hand to her, gesturing with the other one for her to walk ahead of him. “Let’s get you cleaned up, Cassandra,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. He didn’t know what to do. He knew what this looked like. It made him sick to think that some bastard out there did this to her. 

She flinched and took a step back from the hand he extended to her. “Don’t,” she said and walked around him, heading towards his room. She knew she would have to explain what happened, to all of them at some point, but the only thing she wanted in that moment was a bath. To scrub and scrub until she erased every trace of them on her skin. 

Cole was waiting in Varric’s room, a large tub already filled and steaming. How he’d done it so fast, she didn’t know, but she’d learned long ago not to question his abilities. She waited for Varric to shut the door and for Cole to turn away before she pulled away the blanket and dropped it on the floor. She hissed as she stepped into the tub and sank down into the water, her body protesting painfully, but she sighed as she finally settled back, the water nearly to her shoulders. She cupped the water in her hands and brought it to her face, rinsing away the blood, sweat, and cum that had dried on her skin. She did it again and again, fighting the tears that began to brim in her eyes.

Varric felt a coldness settle in him as he watched her clean herself. Her body… Maker’s breath. There was not a clean spot on her entire form that wasn’t covered in grime, a bruise, or blood. He watched as Cole moved about the tub. He picked up the blanket and stuffed it into the fireplace before he made a fire under it, burning it away to nothing. He settled back and just watched the spirit disappear and reappear holding soap and a scrub brush with stiff bristles. Cole also had a washcloth with him that he dipped in the water and rubbed with the soap before he moved to her back and reached for her skin, pausing when she flinched. 

He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something. Like he would read out her thoughts, but his mouth snapped shut as he looked at Varric, hearing his thoughts to not to. The spirit bowed his head. “We will not hurt you like they did. I only want to help. You don’t have to tell anyone you don’t want to, Cassandra. The people who did this to you.” He winced, “They are ugly. Why would they do this to you? I don’t understand.” 

A muscle ticked in her jaw and she didn’t answer him. She had many thoughts on why they had done this to her, but she didn’t want to voice any of them aloud. Because she was weak. Because she was worthless. Because she deserved it somehow. And though she thought these things, she didn’t speak a word as she grabbed up the scrub brush and worked the bar of soap over the bristles. 

Though her skin was tender from the bruises, she began to vigorously scrub at her body, determined to wash away the feeling of being so damn dirty. She didn’t know how much longer she could stand it. She could feel their touch on her body, their sweat, their saliva, their semen. It was revolting. She grit her teeth as she scrubbed harder at her skin. She had to make that feeling go away.  Go away, go away, go away.

Cole and Varric exchanged a worried glance and the spirit reached out, covering her hand with his own. “Stop Cassandra, you are only making it worse,” he tried to reason with her. 

Varric saw the Seeker flinch and was on his feet. “Cole, don’t!” he warned and pulled him back, watching as Cassandra screamed and pulled back from them. He cursed under his breath and thought of all the things he wanted to do if he ever got his hands on the men who had done this to her. But for the moment Cassandra didn’t need him hell bent on revenge. She need him to be there, to do whatever it was she asked of him. “Why don’t you go find something to eat for her. Bring it in about an hour, okay Kid?”

He watched as the spirit nodded and vanished before he rubbed at his own face, looking over at Cassandra, tears in his own eyes. He bowed his head, his words were thick in his mouth, “It’s all my fault. Cassandra,” he admitted quietly, “This is all my fault. I can’t even...I can’t.” He stopped himself, trying several times to apologize, but the words turned to ash in his mouth. “I am so sorry, Cassandra. I know those words are worthless to you. They can’t undo the horrors that have been done to you. If I could turn time back, I would do it in a heartbeat to save you from what you went through. I would have never brought it up again.”

She shook as she sat in the water, barely hearing Varric’s words. Cole grabbing her wrist triggered something, and in that instant, she hadn’t seen Cole, but Stephan as he’d attacked her. She could barely breathe as she came back to herself, trying to understand what had happened. She grabbed at her hair, but whimpered when it felt tacky under her fingers. She grabbed up the brush again and scrubbed at her hair, taking a moment to quickly undo the braid around her head before she resumed washing it. “The fault is mine,” she said, wincing as her throat scratched, her voice rough. “I couldn’t defend myself… I couldn’t stop them… I couldn’t…” She trailed off and sobbed, drawing her knees up as she leaned over them, but kept scrubbing at her hair.

Varric dared to venture closer to her, longing to just draw her into his arms and shield her from the world and the men who did this to her. He closed his eyes and felt the tears slipping down his own cheeks. "And I wasn't there to protect you. To stop those bastards," he said bitterly. He swallowed hard and looked up at her scrubbing at her hair furiously. He was lost, no idea how to handle this. "Cassandra," he breathed, shaking his head, "Tell me what to do. Tell me what I can do to make this..." He trailed off. Right? It didn't seem like anything could make it right. 

She knew what he was about to say. “There is nothing that can be done to make it right,” she nearly snarled. She pressed her lips to a hard line before she took a deep breath and sank beneath the water, rinsing the soap from her hair. Part of her wanted to stay beneath that water, to drown and escape from this living nightmare. She sat up, gasping for air, and leaned her head back against the edge of the tub. It was no use. She still felt dirty. 

She spied a fresh pile of neatly folded clothes sitting in Varric’s chair and she realized Cole must have brought those in, too. She moved to get out of the tub, but paused as she looked at Varric, then reached for a towel before stepping out on the opposite side, carefully covering as much of herself as possible with the towel. What had happened to her? Part of her mind screamed that this was Varric, that she had nothing to fear. But another part, a very large part of her mind, said that no man anywhere could be trusted ever again.

The dwarf couldn't blame her for hiding from him. Be it the trauma or the marks on her frame, he couldn't blame her. He could see bite marks, bruises. The faint trickle of blood on her skin from her nether regions. He felt and anger and a protectiveness surge up inside of him. A desire to see the man who had hurt her pay for what he had done to this beautiful creature. He averted his eyes from her, turning his back on her so she could dress. "Cassandra, you know I would never force myself on you. Never," he insisted. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, lowering his head to the ground. "It sickens me that the human that did this to you are still out there. That they think they can get away with something so horrendous. That they've made you into this frightened creature when you were so majestic. It doesn't matter what you say, I know I am to blame, partially if you will accept even that."

She pulled on the fresh clothes, feeling ever so slightly better. She wanted her armor. But not her sword. She shook her head as she laced up her breeches, listening to Varric talk, blame himself. Did he really feel he had to reassure her that he wouldn’t do the same to her? She blinked rapidly, like she couldn’t see straight, and her hands shook as she tried to tie the laces. Everything in her mind was jumbled, she couldn’t think rationally, and him talking wasn’t helping at all. “Would you stop talking?!” she snapped, turning to fix him with a fierce glare. She felt wretched for it the next moment and she turned to sit on his bed, covering her face with her hands. “I’m sorry, Varric,” she whispered.

He had drawn back when she turned to face him so suddenly, venom in her voice reminded him of the Cassandra she was before  this mess had started. His gaze softened and he dared venture closer. He moved and sat on the bed next to her, but not too close. "You don't have to apologize, Cassandra. You've done nothing wrong." He rubbed at his face with his own hands, still at a complete loss at what to do. The one good thing in his life and he managed to screw that up. She was the first woman who made him look past a life with Bianca and he found something he wanted to keep. To cherish. Now it was broken and he wasn't sure if he could make it right. 

He swallowed hard and looked back up to her, drinking in the sight of her as if he were a man in the desert dying of thirst. "What ever you need me to be, to do, to get, I am here for you. Just remember that. I'm going to do my damnest to pull you together. I know you would do the same for me. I'm not going to let the love of my life be destroyed by this."

Her bottom lip trembled at his words and she thought to herself that she did not deserve someone like him. She swallowed harshly, trying to keep control of her emotions, not trusting her voice in that moment. “I fear it may be too late,” she whispered as her vision went blurry and she hastily wiped away the tears. She winced as she accidentally touched her broken nose. “I should see a healer, or see if anyone has any healing potions handy,” she said, but didn’t move to get off the bed. She warred with herself, not wanting to hurt anymore, but not wanting to see anyone either. 

He looked over at her, studied her nose. A watery laugh managed to get past his lips. "I know I'm ruggishly handsome with my own nose, but maybe we should get yours fixed up. I can go get Leliana to set it for you, it's going to hurt," he said as he moved to get up, "I'll get some healing potions for you and..." He trailed off, closing his eyes. "Do you want that other potion?" He wondered if she would even know what he was talking about. It was a potion that women would take to prevent pregnancy, to end an unwanted one. He knew Cassandra's opinion on the matter. "It's your choice. I'll support whatever you want to do." Though the thought of the monster who did this to her had a child growing inside of her made him sick beyond words, he tried to remind himself that the child was an innocent. 

Cassandra nodded her head without a second thought. Normally she was opposed to such a thing, but not this time. This was different, at least in her mind. She didn’t know if one of those men had impregnated her, but she wasn’t going to take the chance. She hugged her arms around herself, sick that she even had to make such a choice. She didn’t want to think on it anymore. “Get Leliana. Please,” she said. “And the potions.”

Varric nodded and headed towards the door, pausing with his hand over the handle before he turned back to look at her. Working his lip between his teeth, he made up his mind and went back over to stand in front of her. He tilted his head until he caught her eyes. "Whatever happens, whatever did happen... I want you to know that I love you. Nothing in this world could ever change that," he said, "And I am going to do what I can to make sure that you have your shot at that monster."

Cassandra had to swallow hard before she could answer him. “I love you, too,” she answered in a tiny voice that sounded nothing like herself. She didn’t feel she deserved to be loved. Something in her had broken, and she didn’t know if it could ever be fixed. If she would ever feel worthy again. But one thing he said gave her the tiniest bit of hope. That she would have her shot at revenge.


	6. Chapter 6

Varric walked up the steps to his room, balancing a tray laden with food in his hands as he headed towards his door. The timing was perfect as Leliana stepped out as he was just a few feet away. His smile dropped from his lips when he saw the Spymaster’s face and she gave him a look that needed no verbal response. He inclined his head to her as she held the door open for him and he peered inside before he stepped in, the door closing behind him.

She looked better, the nose had been set and healed and most of her bruises had faded, most likely due to a healing potion. She still had that look in her eye. Like she was far far away. "Hey there. I wasn't sure what you would be in the mood for, so I grabbed a little bit of everything they had in the kitchens," he said as he placed the tray on the bedside table and stepped back. "And if you don't feel like anything there, I'll make a special request," he said as he looked at the tray. A bowl of hearty stew, crusty, fresh bread that was still hot from the oven. Some cheeses and a bowl of fruit. 

He went over to the chest in the corner of his room and pulled out a dusty bottle of Nevarran red that he had been saving for a special day. It was Cassandra's favorite and he went back over to the bed, grabbing two goblets along the way. He expertly uncorked the bottle with a small pop and filled them up.

Now that she was healed, she realized just how hungry she was. How many days had it been since she’d eaten? Two? Three? She wasn’t sure. She tore off a hunk of the bread and dunked it into the stew, not caring what she looked like in that moment as she ate. It was so good. She eyed the wine glass in Varric’s hand for just a moment, almost not trusting it, until she shook her head at herself and quickly took it from his hand. She drained half her glass in one go, then resumed eating. “Thank you,” she managed between bites. “I was dreading going downstairs or to the tavern to eat.” She shuddered at the thought of ever going into a tavern again, though at that particular moment, she couldn’t remember what exactly had happened at the tavern. Something did, something that started this whole horrific nightmare…

Varric watched her pause in her eating and refilled her glass to get her attention. "Hey, you still with me, Cassandra?" he asked before he set the bottle back on the table and helped himself to a slice of bread with cheese. He would make certain she had enough to eat before he would have anything else. He watched her for a moment more. "You should finish eating, because I'm thinking about asking questions that might ruin an appetite," he said quietly, "But I don't want to cause you distress. Anything I ask will only help me find the bastard who hurt you. And it will get you closer to him as well. I'll be with you every step of the way. He won't touch you again. I swear it.”

Cassandra blinked and came back to herself, though still trying to remember what happened in the tavern. She remembered being there, but that was all. She licked her lips and took a few more bites before she sat back, not entirely sure she wanted to share the details with him. Would it make her feel better to speak about it? Or would it just make her relive the nightmare all over again? “I am not certain you want to hear it,” she said carefully. She picked up her glass and finished it off before she set it back on the bedside table. She looked down at her hands, picking at her fingernails. “I’m not certain I want you to know,” she admitted in a quiet voice.

He looked at his own glass before he drained it and set it down next to hers on the table. He turned himself, gently holding his hand out towards her, but not moving to touch her. His body screamed at him to take her into his arms and hold her, but he refrained. "I want to know, Cassandra. Whatever he has done against you, he did against me as well. If you lived through it, I can hear about it. It is the least I can do. I feel worthless that I wasn't there to protect you. Let me hear you out. I won't judge you," he said, staring unwaveringly into her eyes, "You have my word that what they did won’t have any effect on how I feel for you." 

She snorted. “Worthless,” she echoed, her voice going hollow. “That’s exactly what I feel.” She chewed her bottom lip and ever so cautiously reached towards his hand, letting her fingertips lightly graze over his fingers. She brought their hands to rest on the bed between them, not holding his hand, but not pulling her touch away either. Why was it so hard for her now? She’d never felt so frightened all the time. She hated feeling this way. Drawing a long breath through her nose, she looked at him and asked, “What do you want to know?”

He watched her with great respect and he could feel the warmth of her body next to his. It brought a comfort he didn't know he could feel before and it brought tears to his eyes. "Tell me anything you can remember. Anything you can stand to tell me. I'll understand if you can't. I just need something to catch him with."

She stared at the floor for a minute, trying to remember how it all started. “I was walking,” she said slowly, squinting her eyes slightly as she worked to remember. It was like trying to capture the details of a dream after waking. “I might have been leaving a tavern? I can’t remember that part now. But I know he stepped in front of me, blocked my path. I couldn’t fight him off. I was drugged.” She rubbed at her face with her free hand, squeezing her temples. “A man… oh what was his name? He saw me fighting to get away and he yelled at them. I thought he was going to save me. But he was part of it. They took me to that old abandoned house. They took turns, all three of them.” She swallowed again, her eyes burning as her hand dropped back to her lap. “Well, usually took turns. Sometimes they wouldn’t wait for the other to finish before they…” She trailed off and shook her head, looking away from him as angry, haunted tears burned her eyes. 

Varric felt his blood boil as he listened to her try to recount the events of her abduction. He scowled as he realized what she was saying. "Three of them?" he spat out, wincing at the implications. He hurt for his love. He wished he could take her far away from this, but also realized that he couldn't. He had to fix this for her and she couldn't do that until she had faced her tormentors. The men who didn't value human life in the slightest.  The ones who had ripped her from him just as they had started to become familiar with each other. He leaned down before he could think, pressing a kiss to her hand. "They will pay for what they have done to you, Cassandra. You have my word on that."

Instinctively, she jumped and pulled her hand away as if he’d scorched her. She blinked at him, feeling her face going hot as she realized that was an inappropriate reaction to a simple kiss on her hand from him. She opened her mouth to apologize, but it was as if the words died on her tongue. Instead, she wrapped her arms around her middle and scooted closer to the headboard of his bed. “They tied me up, gave me more drugs so I couldn’t fight back…”

It was as if once she started talking, she couldn’t stop. She told him the whole story without looking him in the eye, her voice almost monotone throughout. She was afraid to look at him when she was done, when she told him how she’d taken the horse and rode most of the way back to Skyhold before the old animal nearly gave out from exhaustion. She sat in silence for several moments, feeling it almost press down upon her, before she dared to look at him.

He met her gaze, his eyes filled with tears, and he reached out to her, touching her shoulder, keeping his hand there as she flinched and when she settled, he pulled her to him. Her head rested on his shoulder and he pressed his face into her hair, crying with her. It sickened him beyond belief that someone could think that they could do that to another person and they could still live with themselves afterwards. "You are amazing, Cassandra," he breathed, not sure what else to say, "You've lasted this long, some how. It's my turn to take care of you. I will give you the vengeance you deserve."

She trembled as he held her, conflicted between wanting to pull away and somehow feeling safer at the same time. She knew Varric wouldn’t hurt her. She had to keep telling herself that, even though she already knew it to be true. She’d spoken with Leliana when she came to set Cassandra’s nose, but she had not gone into this much detail. Wasn’t he upset with her? Didn’t he think she was disgusting and worthless? That’s how she felt.

She couldn’t handle it. She pushed him away, feeling like she’d somehow made him dirty just by letting him touch her. “How can you stand to touch me now?” she asked, disbelief all over her face. “I feel so dirty, so worthless. How can you even stand to look at me?” She got to her feet, crossing her arms over her chest as she began to pace his room.

He surprised himself, letting himself be pushed away and he watched the way she paced the room, giving her a small smile. "You can't ask questions like that, you know, and expect a short answer," he said as he leaned back, watching her. She was still covered in bruises the potion hadn't been able to heal immediately, she still had the look of a frightened animal in her eyes, but deep inside, he could see the Seeker he fell in love with. "I love you Cassandra," he said, not tearing his eyes from hers, "I will stand by your side until the end of time itself. Writing you terrible love stories, bringing you your favorite flowers and reading you the sappiest poetry in Thedas. You make me feel like I'm home every time I am in a room with you. I know we haven't always gotten along. I'm an ass of a dwarf, but I'm not lying to you now or ever again. You are my anchor in this crazy world, Cassandra. I can't face it without you."

She paused in her pacing, narrowing her eyes at him. “How?” she demanded, not understanding him at all. “How can you stay so calm? How can you look at me and not be completely repulsed? I am weak. I could not defend myself. I was used by three men for every disgusting, degrading act you could possibly think of. How could I possibly still be desirable to you?” She felt as though he was lying to her. 

He was in tears as she finished and he didn't bother to stop them as they slid down his cheeks. "Because I love you, Cassandra Pentaghast. With everything that I am. What they have done to you only makes you more in my eyes, not less. They are slimey cowards, the ugliest undesirable things I can imagine. They took you because they could never have you honestly. Not like a man should earn a woman's respect. I just fear that I have lost yours because I wasn't there to stop them. You are beautiful. Perfect. The only thing those men have done in my eyes is that they dared touch you and hurt you. No one hurts my friends and loved ones. No one," he said coldly, but warmed the next moment when their eyes met, "But, I have to ask. Did they make me less desirable because of what they did to you?" 

“No,” she said quietly, shaking her head. She licked her lips, deciding there was no point in lying to him about anything now. “When I heard your voice outside the house, I admit I thought you were going to find me. I tried to scream for you but couldn’t. For a moment I… I had hope. And then it was gone. That, perhaps, was the only disappointment in you I experienced. But it did not change the way I looked at you, or the way I feel about you. None of this was your fault, Varric.”

"Just as none of this is your fault. Maker's breath, you survived and came back," he breathed, his voice catching, "I thought I would never see you again." His mind was reeling with the information. Disgust towards the men who had touched her, used her, made his stomach churn and he knew what had to be done. She couldn't remember their names, but that was fine. The missing link was at the tavern.  He looked up at her, "I'm sorry I didn't hear you. " Sorry sorry sorry. Sorry wasn't undoing anything. "I'm here now. I won't let you fall to this. To them. Those men don't deserve it. Nothing breaks Cassandra Pentaghast."

She wanted to believe him, yet somehow she couldn’t. She had been broken, she could feel it in her heart, her soul. She shrank back against the wall, wrapping her arms tighter around herself. “I don’t know, Varric,” she said softly. She hastily wiped a tear from her eye, wishing she could somehow turn back time and undo it all. She didn’t want to be this broken, pathetic thing that she felt she was now. “I should have just stayed in your tent,” she whispered, staring hard at a spot on the wall as she fought the urge to cry. That was what had started the whole thing. A stupid, pointless argument about sleeping next to him in that tent. It certainly wasn’t worth all of this. “I should have stayed in the tent.”

"Shhh," he said as he stood up, giving her a sad smile, "You're here now." A pained look washed over his features and he shook his head. "I should keep my mouth shut." He looked at her again, studying her face. She was still his beautiful Seeker. Somewhere in there. "We should get you some rest. Do you want to go back to your room in the smithy? I can walk with you."

She started to nod, thinking that sleep sounded wonderful, that it might let her escape from all of this for just a short time, but then quickly shook her head. She didn’t want to be alone. What if those men made their way into Skyhold somehow? No one would recognize them. She’d be at their mercy again. “May I stay here?” she asked timidly. “I… would feel safer with you nearby.”

He nodded and gave her a smile, one that he hoped would be reassuring. He started fishing into his pocket for a few vials of potions. "From Sparkler. This one is to help you with the pain and the other is something to help you sleep. If you want," he said as he set them on the bedside table. He only gave her a small smile when she flinched from him. He turned and picked up Bianca, shouldering her as he went for the door. "Get some rest, Cassandra. I'll stand watch outside the door. You'll be safe. No one is going to get through me."

She nodded and moved towards his bed, feeling she very much didn’t deserve his kindness. How many times had he asked her to sleep in this bed with him after long hours of lovemaking, only for her to turn him down again and again? And now she was asking to sleep there. She shook her head, angry with herself. It all seemed backwards and wrong, so wrong, and she hated herself in that moment. She wanted to apologize, to say that she’d always thought of her first time sleeping in his bed would be under different circumstances. That she somehow felt she was taking advantage of his kindness. But all that came out was a choked, “I’m sorry.”

"Shh, you don't have to apologize. You weren't ready to take that step and I should have had the blasted sense to let you work up to it," he said. He watched as she climbed under the covers and he wanted so much to climb in after her, to hold her, to let her feel safe and protected. "You rest up. I'll be right outside the door, okay?"

She curled up beneath his blanket, drawing her knees up in a fetal position, and nodded. The bed was soft, warm, clean, and it smelled like him. She looked over at the little potion bottles he’d set out for her and started to reach for them, but stopped and quickly tucked her hand back under the blanket. She’d been drugged by those men, she didn’t want to take something that would make her sleepy, that might inhibit her ability to protect herself again. No, she wouldn’t chance that at all. And she suddenly felt a surge of anger at Dorian for making such a potion. 

“Goodnight, Varric,” she managed to say as she pulled the blankets up tighter around her shoulder. She waited until he was outside the room with the door closed before she squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face into his pillow, finally giving into her tears.

Varric pressed his back to the door, sliding down the wood until he was seated on the floor, his hands resting on Bianca. He could hear Cassandra crying inside and he cursed the men who had done this to her. They weren't going to get away with this. He sifted through the details, the horrible acts they had forced upon the Seeker. It disgusted him to even think that she had suffered through so much.

* * *

 

Bull didn’t expect to see Varric sitting on the floor outside his room. But that’s exactly where he and Dorian found the dwarf, wide awake and with Bianca in his hands. He could see from the look in Varric’s eyes that it was even worse than any of them thought. 

He sat down in the hallway directly across from Varric as if it were the most normal thing in the world to sit in a darkened corridor floor and plot revenge. “So where do we find this guy and how much are we gonna fuck ‘im up before we kill the bastard?”

Varric looked up as Dorian sat down next to Bull, the look on their faces grave. "Before I say anything, I think this goes without saying that this stays with us. No one outside the Inner Circle. Shit, and I don't think she'd want too many of them getting involved in this." He rubbed a hand through his hair. "Three guys. I think they drugged her somehow." His eyes prickled with tears as he thought about it, "Something happened in the tavern. It’s where she blanks on being caught."

Dorian clenched his hands into fists, feeling himself shaking with anger on Cassandra's behalf. "Cowards. How dare they even think of hurting that woman?" He growled and tapped his lips, trying desperately not to think about what Cassandra must have suffered through. He could tell by the look on Varric's face that she had managed to tell him some, if not all of what she had to endure. "So. We need to find these men. Bring them back here. We can just tell the others the bare minimum. They all saw Cassandra. They understand."

Varric nodded. "But I think she needs this. She needs to face them and I think she's earned the right to do whatever she damned well pleases to them for what they've put her through. They thought they killed her and they just dumped her into the woods and left her there," he spat. 

Bull saw red as Varric shared just those few details of what had been done to Cassandra. He didn’t need to hear more. He didn’t want to hear more. As it was, he was tempted to track the men down and tear them apart piece by piece with his bare hands. Luckily, the logical part of his brain kicked in and told him that that wouldn’t help Cassandra in the long run. “We’ll find them, figure out who they are. If she thinks something happened in the tavern, they probably spend a good amount of time there. It won’t be hard to figure out which ones did it,” he said. 

Dorian nodded. "The question is what to do with them once we do find them. Do we bring all three here and hold them in the dungeons? Where is Cassandra going to have her just desserts?" He tapped a finger on his lips. "There's two parts to that dungeon, isn't there? We could clear out the main second, set it up as a ‘special’ room. Hold the three in the back so she can choose who to deal with whenever she sees fit," he reasoned, "She chooses who she wants to deal with first, we get them set up and then let her have at it."

"There's no way I'm going to let her face these scumbags alone. I'm going to be in there with her. Just in case one of them needs some… persuading to keep their mouths shut," Varric said coldly, "And we should have other members of the Inner Circle standing guard in case they are slippery and think they can escape." There was some sense of grim satisfaction as they talked about revenge for Cassandra. A way for her to reclaim bits and pieces from those monsters. It should have worried him to find so much hope in such a dark act, but he didn't care in that moment.

Bull fixed Varric with an even stare. “We need to keep this quiet,” he said in a low voice. “We don’t need it getting out that the Inquisition tortures people in retaliation. I’m not saying we don’t do it, we just have to be careful about it. The fewer people who know what’s going on, the better. Maybe not even the rest of the Inner Circle. If they ask, we just say we’re dealing with it.” There were some he thought might not approve of them seeking this vigilante justice and the less they knew, the less chance of causing problems. 

He leaned back against the wall and threw an arm around Dorian’s shoulders. “So how is she?” he asked. “Did she at least get healed up?”

Varric nodded as he watched the couple in front of him. "Yeah, Leliana came and set her broken nose before getting her to drink several healing potions. I brought her dinner that she ate, so that's a good sign I suppose. She cried herself to sleep just before  you two showed up." 

“Damn,” Bull growled and shook his head. It was hard to imagine Cassandra crying. Hell, he was still having a hard time accepting that the woman who had walked through that gate had been her at all. She was such a strong warrior, in both body and mind. To see her so broken was hard to swallow. He covered his lower face with his hand, scratching at his chin a moment while he thought about it. “She wasn’t the first they’ve done this to,” he said. “For these assholes to overpower her the way they did, working together, not making any slip ups at all, save for thinking she was dead? They knew what they were doing. They’ve had practice.” His stomach churned at the thought. How many women had suffered the same as Cassandra or perhaps even worse? 

Dorian scowled. "That is disgusting. If she wasn't the first, then she definitely will not be the last. We should do what we can to make certain that their vile filth never gets the chance to harm anyone again." He let his hand rest on Bull's knee, giving it a firm squeeze. "Varric, you should have some place ready for these scumbags. I think Bull and I are of the same mind. We will leave and find the ones who did this to her." 

Varric nodded, "Don't you worry about that. It will be waiting for them. Just be discreet about it.  I'll make sure the dungeon's empty and that everyone knows just as much as we want them to know."

“You do that,” Bull said, moving to stand up. “We’ll scope them out, get some names, see what we can dig up. Don’t worry, we won’t move on this until you or Cass says so.” He pulled Dorian to stand and gave the mage a slap on the ass. “Get goin’. We’ve got work to do.”

"Savage."


	7. Chapter 7

"Bull, we've been here for hours doing nothing but drinking terrible beer and people watching. Please tell me that you at least have some inkling of who we are looking for. I fear dear Sera will explode if we don't bring back someone with the way she threatened us before we left," Dorian muttered into his cold mug as he looked around the tavern for the uptenth time. He was no where as good as reading people as the Iron Bull was, "If you’ve managed to find anyone at all with the way you've been fondling me for the past hour."

“Of course I have. Now hush up, I’m working,” Bull answered as he ran his hand firmly up the side of Dorian’s thigh. “People get weird with public displays of affection. Especially between a human and a Qunari. So while they’re either looking away, or watching what I’m doing to you, they’re not paying attention to what I’m looking at.” A smirk crossed his face. “Besides, I’ve already got two of them figured out.” He took a moment to pause and drink from the mug in front of him, then reached over and pinched Dorian’s rear, laughing when the mage yelped and jumped. “Oh don’t be so touchy, you know you like it when I play with your ass!”

Dorian’s face turned a furious shade of red and he opened his mouth to shame the Qunari, but Bull cut across him before he could speak. “There, no one’s looking this way now. They’re too embarrassed,” he said as he lowered his voice. “Now look. Those two guys over there in the corner? They haven’t touched their drinks since the waitress brought them out over an hour ago. All they’ve done is sit there and stare at the women in this place. Ten royals says that’s our guys.”

Dorian glanced over to where Bull said and studied the men there. He raised a delicate eyebrow at them. "Ew. I hardly think that they would be able to overpower our dear Seeker. Not without some sort of help. Our third person, perhaps?" he asked as he took a long drink from his mug. He licked his lips, smacking them as he pulled the cup away. "Stupid addictive Fereldan beer," he muttered as he looked about, "So. Cassandra claims to lose her memory from here and where they took her." He looked to the two men again. "Don't suppose they slipped something in her drink, do you?"

“They had to have,” Bull answered, his eye still out for whoever could’ve been the third man. His brow furrowed slightly when one of the women the men had been watching got up and went to the bar. The fat bartender seemed like a friendly enough guy, laughing and joking with his patrons. A family man, if the wife and kid he’d seen earlier were anything to go by. “There,” he said and gave the slightest inclination of his horns towards the bartender. “That’s our third guy.”

Dorian desperately tried to keep up with the Bull’s thought process and he glanced over at the bartender. A large man with a smile on his face and a friendly demeanor towards his patrons. “And how the hell do you figure that?” he asked, suspicious. He had learned a while ago that Bull was seldom wrong with his hunches. “Don’t get me wrong, I just want to make certain we have the right men before we go kidnapping them off of the street in the middle of the night. They aren’t going to survive this encounter with Cassandra.”

“He leaned too far right when he got her a fresh mug,” Bull answered simply. “All night long, he’s been pulling mugs from under the counter directly in front of him. It’s slight, easy to miss. No one would pay any attention to it. There’s something in that mug he just added her drink to. Watch her. She won’t be able to walk right once she drinks it.”

Almost as if on cue, the woman returned to her table with her drink and the two men Bull had spotted earlier got up, paid for their drinks, and left.

Dorian watched with disgust evident in his eyes. “Maker’s breath, how many women have they done this to?” he muttered as he watched the woman drink up. Her eyes grew heavy, glazed over even. “Then they are going to strike tonight. The two men go out and pick a spot where they ambush the unsuspecting patron and then the bartender closes up shop and goes to join in on the fun,” he said, wanting to spit nails. His hand clenched his mug tightly. “We are going to stop this, right? I cannot sit idly by and watch  this happen.”

“You catch on quick,” Bull said as he drained his mug and got to his feet. “Yeah, we’ll stop it. But not here. We’re gonna catch ‘em in the act.” He nudged Dorian’s shoulder to stand, then went to the bar, fishing some coins from his pocket. “Thanks for the drinks,” he said to the bartender, calm and cool as anything. “Not a bad little place you have here. I’ll bring my boys with me the next time I’m passing through. You have a good night,” he said as he paid off his tab.

Earl nodded at them as he watched them leave. He recognized them as Inquisition, but they didn’t seem to have a clue about their Seeker. Surely they would be running around like crazy if they suspected something. Maybe her body had been found. He shook his head as he watched the Qunari slipped a hand around the mage’s waist, squeezing his buttocks. Ugh. Fags. 

Bull led Dorian down the path back towards the Inquisition’s camp. The men lurking in the trees were not missed by him, and he kept himself between them and Dorian. He gave no indication that he’d seen them. And he didn’t want Dorian to notice they were there. This could be their only shot at catching these guys. If they scared them off, gave the men some reason to suspect that he was onto them, they might get cold feet and run for it. 

Once the path curved off and they were out of eyesight of the men, he grabbed Dorian and yanked him through a thicket of trees. He crouched low, moving almost silently. A feat in and of itself for a man his size. He settled on a point low in the brush where he had a clear line of vision back towards the tavern. “Now we wait,” he said in a hushed tone. 

He shot a glance at Dorian out of the corner of his eye. He could see the disgust in the mage’s eyes, the tension in his stance, the way he reached back and curled his fingers around his staff. “Easy,” he warned in a low voice. “I know you want to get at these guys. I do too. But we have to wait. We’ve got to get all three of them at once or we might lose our chance to get all of them. Don’t move until I say so. You’ve got to trust me on this one, Kadan.”

Dorian took a deep breath and closed his eyes, focusing on Bull's voice. It was hard to calm the anger he felt towards these men. Disgusting monsters as they were. Cassandra's bruised form, broken and a mere shell of who she used to be was firmly branded in his mind. For her sake, he would be patient. He wanted to take all three back to Skyhold so she could deal with them at her leisure. He leaned back against Bull, nodding his agreement, "I won't so much as bruise them. Cassandra deserves to be the one to decide their fate.”

Bull gave a nod. He narrowed his eye as the woman from the tavern emerged, swaying on her feet. She seemed confused, disoriented, as she looked around trying to decide which way to go. He felt himself bristle as he watched the two men emerge and approach her. He had to push his own anger down to stop himself from attacking them in that moment. Where was the bartender? Probably waiting for his bar to clear out. The man was careful, Bull had to give him that. He watched as the woman barely even protested and the two men led her away. “Let’s follow them. That bastard bartender won’t be far behind,” he whispered and moved carefully to follow the men, though they were so focused on the woman between them that he doubted they would notice him at all. He nearly snorted. She was so inebriated, she wasn’t even resisting them.

Dorian felt ill as he watched the display. The men led the woman to an abandoned house near the entrance to Redcliffe and he felt his stomach lurch as they disappeared inside. "Maker’s breath. The others must have walked right by her when she was being tortured." He turned and spat on the ground. His hands clenched so tightly around his staff, his knuckles turned white. He was already picturing the ice spell he would use on them. Maybe a paralysis spell... Anything that would keep them out until they got back to Skyhold. "Glad we brought the wagon."

Bull waited anxiously for a few minutes, wondering how long they had until the bartender showed up. He really wanted to catch all three of them at once. But he wasn’t about to stand idly by while that woman was raped. “We attack now,” he said, squaring his shoulders. “We’ll wait inside for the bartender. Try to make this as quiet as possible. We don’t want him to hear or suspect anything. We’ll ambush him when he comes inside.” Without waiting for Dorian to say a word, he strode up to the house and threw the door open with a loud bang.

The scene that met him disgusted him. The woman clearly had sobered up enough to realize she was in trouble, but was unable to do much about it. They’d already torn her dress, one of them on top of her, working to get the rest of her clothing off as the other guy watched with a grin on his face. They both paused and looked at Bull and Dorian with expressions of pure shock on their faces.

“Oho, you’re so fucked,” Bull growled.

Stephan growled as he looked between the two intruders. "Fuck off. We are busy with the lady," he said as he reached behind him, grabbing a knife from his boot, "Saw you two fags making googly eyes at each other in the bar. The inn's down the road if you are looking for a room for a quick fuck. Get out before you regret it."

Dorian Pavus considered himself to be very good at handling sticky situations. To be able to keep his cool when being called out on what he was. In that moment, however, he was furious. Bull was not a quick fuck. Far from it, being the first man who had taken him into his bed and asked for something more than just sex. He was the one who shouted their relationship to the heavens without a damn care of what other people would think or say. Dorian's staff moved quickly in the air, a flash of purple bursting in front of the man's eyes and he only scowled at the man as he suddenly gave a shout of fright and scrambled off of the woman, trying to get away from Dorian as the mage stalked closer. 

He pointed his staff, lifting the man's trembling chin up so he could see the fear in the coward's eyes. "I'd watch what you say to me. You are already on my list and nothing would give me greater pleasure than to rip you to shreds, but my friend, I'm sure you remember her, Cassandra? She's going to have you. You will not enjoy it and it will be far from quick," he spat before he surged forward, his hand digging into his robes for the sleeping draughts he had put there earlier. He easily caught the man's jaw as he was still caught in the fear spell and he forced his head back. "Open your mouth and swallow like a good little boy." He sneered as he uncorked the bottle with his teeth and dumped the vial down the man's throat. He slapped a hand over his mouth until he swallowed and slumped over, out like a light.

Tirell tried to make a run for the door, but Bull’s hulking frame blocked it. The Qunari looked down his nose in disgust and without a word, shoved Tirell towards Dorian, who quickly knocked him out as well. He dragged both men over to a corner before he bound their hands behind their backs. 

His nose wrinkled at the stench of sex and urine that permeated the little house. “This place is disgusting,” he grumbled. He turned his attention to the woman on the floor who was desperately trying to cover herself with her torn dress. “It’s alright,” he tried to assure her. “We’re not going to hurt you. We’ll get you back safe and sound just as soon as we deal with one other guy. Just hold on. Are you hurt?”

She shook her head and wiped the tears from her eyes as she scooted back against a wall, shaking like a leaf. “No,” she answered, her voice low as if she’d just woken from a deep sleep. “I… don’t understand.”

Dorian's gaze softened as he looked at the woman. At least they had been able to spare her a horrible fate. He laid his staff down and shrugged off his outer robes, moving to cover her nakedness with it. "There you go," he said quietly, "These men and that bartender were going to do unspeakable things to you and then..." He shook his head, "It doesn't matter. We are going to take care of him when he comes here. I would let you go now, but who is to say he might spy you heading home? It would have been all for naught. If you would, go hide in that corner there. Behind that broken wardrobe."

She gratefully accepted the robe and covered herself before she did as he asked, stumbling a couple times as she made her way across the room.

Bull sat down in the wooden chair and rested his elbow on the back of it. “I can’t wait to see the look on that fat bastard’s face when he walks through that door,” he said with a wicked grin on his face. It fell the next moment, however, when he saw charred cloth in the fireplace and Cassandra’s armor kicked under the lopsided wardrobe. A shudder shook his shoulders as he thought about what had taken place here, what had been done to their friend in this very room. “I don’t know how long it’ll take for Cassandra to be ready to face them, but we’ll keep them down in that dungeon until she decides.”

The mage looked around, unable to suppress the shudder that worked through him. The entire little hut was filthy. Stains he would rather not know what they consisted of, marked every surface of that house. He raised an eyebrow at Bull. "How can you sit in here? This place is disgusting. Makes my skin crawl." He let his eyes flicker over the room and he pressed his lips thin. "And Cassandra spent Maker-knows-how-long in here being used as if she were just some thing to be tossed away," he spat. He put some serious thought into making these monsters stay in filthy cells back at Skyhold, but he wondered if they would even mind. He moved over to stand in front of Bull, reaching out and putting a hand on his massive shoulder. He squeezed at the comforting firmness of the other man, not sure of what to say in that moment.

Bull could see how much this disturbed Dorian and he wrapped his arm around the other man’s waist, pulling him closer. “Try not to think about it,” he said, keeping his eye on the door, anticipating the moment the bartender would enter the house. “What happened here is horrible, we both know that. There’s nothing to be gained by thinking about it.” He comfortingly stroked his thumb over the back of Dorian’s hip, over and over, slowing working out a knot he could feel there. He didn’t blame the mage for being so upset about it. Anyone in their right might would be repulsed by the simple knowledge of what had happened. “But it all stops tonight. These fuckers won’t be able to do to anyone else what they did to Cass. Just think about that, about the ones we are saving.”

Dorian nearly gave a groan of appreciation as Bull's hand skated over his back. The man knew how to touch him in just the right spots, but now was not the time to enjoy anything. He was going to enjoy bringing an end to these men and their reign of terror. He met Bull's fierce gaze and held it, lifting a hand to cup his cheek. "Thank you, Amatus," he said so quietly, it might have been a whisper. He pulled back the next moment and looked around the hut, "I'm still setting fire to this place when we are finished."

Bull gave a nod, but tensed the next moment as he heard movement outside the house. A smirk touched the corner of his mouth as he looked at Dorian, then over at the door. He stayed calm as the bartender opened the door and stepped inside, then froze in his tracks. “Well hey! Fancy meeting you here,” Bull said as if greeting an old friend. He loved the fear he saw in the man’s eyes, the utter disbelief, the way he seemed glued to the spot. 

Earl's eyes went wide as he saw the two from the bar in the hut. One sitting, one standing, both casual as if they had every right to be there. He glanced around the hut and cursed when he saw Stephan and Tirell out cold on the ground and bound with a length of rope. "I'm innocent!" he shouted, a bit too loudly, "I heard a scuffle and I was coming to help!"

Dorian only exchanged a look with Bull before he stood up straighter; a wave of his hand had the man's feet encased in ice. "Innocent of what? We haven't accused you of anything yet. It doesn't matter anyway. I doubt we would believe anything you have to tell us. Actions do speak louder than words, after all," he said as he produced the vial of the sleeping potion and looked the man over, "Oh my, I daresay this might take two. Bull, would you be a dear and hold him still for me. I'm afraid if I use any more ice, I might kill him by 'accident'," he said as he stepped closer to the man. His nose twitched. He even smelled disgusting, "Oh, and my friend Cassandra? She sends her regards and is looking forward to seeing you soon."

It wasn’t hard for Bull to wrestle the man into a headlock and forced his jaw open. “You sick fuck,” he growled into Earl’s ear as Dorian poured the potion down the man’s throat. There was so much he wanted to do to this man, so many ways he could think of to torture him. But it wasn’t Bull’s place. He was here to bring these men in, to see justice served, and nothing more. When he felt he man sag in his arms, he let him go, a smirk on his face as Earl’s head thunked on the floor. “Go get the wagon. I’ll drag these pieces of shit outside.”

It was only a short time later that Bull hauled the three men out of the house and tossed them like sacks of feed into the back of the wagon, then threw a tarp over them. “Low profile,” he reminded Dorian. The woman that had been attacked ducked out of the house, and though her steps wavered, she seemed capable of at least getting herself back to town. Bull couldn’t help but to wonder if she would remember any of this in the morning. He looked at the house one more time, sneering at it before he turned away. He jerked his thumb over his shoulder at it. “Burn it down.” 

Dorian let a smile tug at his face and he widened his stance, drawing the energies of the fade to his staff, fire curling around the edges. "You don't have to threaten me with a good time,” he said before he whirled his staff through the air, five quick fireballs leaping from his weapon to strike the house. The roof quickly caught fire, as did the dry wood of the walls. The mage stood there for a moment, watching it burn. "Never again,” he muttered before he went to the wagon and hauled himself up beside Bull, "Take us home. I'd rather not see this place again. Ever."


	8. Chapter 8

Varric was starting to cherish the meals he and Cassandra shared more and more. It was a quiet moment between them where they could almost pretend that they had some level of normalcy. She was still so timid though and she jumped, even if slightly, at every noise that passed by. Currently, they were having lunch and he was filling the silence with one of his stories with Hawke in Kirkwall. A silly little thing that hadn't made it into his books yet that involved Sandal, two nugs and the chandelier in Hawke's estate. "I shit you not, Seeker. You should have seen the two of them hanging from up there. We walk in and there they are! I am still trying to figure out how he managed to get them up there without breaking his neck in the process." 

Cassandra gave a little laugh at that. She appreciated what he was doing, how he’d been so careful around her and tried to make her think of other things. She knew she was jumpy, that she wasn’t reacting normally to the slightest things, yet she couldn’t seem to make it stop. Yet here he was, patient and calm as ever, never seeming to judge her. Though she didn’t feel she deserved it, she was grateful. 

A loud knock at the door made her jump off the bed with a shriek. She turned to see Bull poke his head in and she sank back onto the bed, her heart racing's, her hands shaking so bad she had to wrap her arms around herself to try to hide it. “Damn it,” she whispered and leaned over, trying to calm herself. It was useless.

"Shit, Tiny," Varric muttered as he stood up, his hand had been reaching for Bianca out of habit, but he relaxed and stood up. He looked over Cassandra, seeing her shaking like a leaf  and he felt a pang of sorrow for her. "Hold that thought, okay? I'll be right back," he said before he turned and stepped out of the room, surprised to see Dorian waiting in the hallway as well. He closed the door behind him and led them a few paces away until he was certain they were out of earshot of his room, "That was a fast trip, did you find them?  They didn't run for it, did they?"

"Of course we found them," Dorian said with a wave of his hand towards Bull, "Especially since we have the Qunari bloodhound on our side. Only took him an entire day in that forsaken tavern to do it." He sobered up the next second, "We caught them in the act again. They were about to victimize another woman. Needless to say we stepped in before they could commit any further atrocities. They are in the dungeons at this very moment. Under lock and key. They should be waking up soon." He tapped a finger against his lips. "Though I imagine with one hell of a headache. Especially the one I bashed over the head. Startled me. I feel bad for the knot I gave him. Do convey my apology to Cassandra for it. I know she wanted to have first crack at them."

Varric was nearly bowled over with the information and he held up a hand. "Wait, you mean to tell me that they are HERE?" He rubbed a hand over his face. "Maker's breath, that was faster than I expected. I'm not sure if Cassandra is ready to face them just yet. You've seen the state she's in." He grit his teeth and his eyes flickered over to the path he knew would take him to the dungeons. He was tempted to march down there that moment and get a look at the bastards' faces. "Who's watching them? Remember we wanted to keep this low key, for her sake."

“Blackwall’s keeping an eye on them,” Bull answered. “And an eye on Sera. She was on us before we could even get through the gate. Don’t worry, Blackwall knows it’s up to Cass what happens to them. He won’t let Sera get first shot.” He paused and chuckled, “Although she  _ really  _ wants to.” His expression sobered again. “I didn’t mean to scare her when I knocked,” he said. “But I had to let you know they were here. And I didn’t want to do it in front of her. Might freak her out even more to know they’re this close. I wasn’t planning on catching the guys so soon. Didn’t think they’d be dumb enough to do it again this fast. But when I realized what was going on, I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t let them hurt someone else, but I couldn’t just stop them either. They’d have run for it. We had to bring them back.”

Varric nodded. "No, I understand. Better to have them here, locked away where they can't see the light of day again, than out there hurting more people." He pressed his lips thin and ran a hand through his hair. "Shit, but what am I going to tell Cassandra?" He knew what he had to tell her. The truth, but gently and reassure her that they wouldn't be able to touch her again. "Thanks for this," he said quietly, "Next time you're at the Herald's Rest, put your drinks on my tab."

“Nah, you don’t owe us anything for this. We did it for Cass. I don’t expect anything in return. Except maybe to be nearby when she does it so I can listen to the bastards scream,” Bull said. He clapped a hand to Dorian’s shoulder. “We’ll be in my room if you need anything else. It’s been a long night. And you know how cranky Dorian gets if he doesn’t get his beauty sleep.”

"I am quite certain there is a witty remark to be had, you are just lucky I am so exhausted that I cannot think of it," Dorian responded, but slipped his arm around Bull's waist, leaning into him as he looked to the dwarf, "Do give Cassandra our best, won't you?"

Varric nodded and watched them head off towards Bull's room and he let out a heavy sigh as he walked back to his own room, knocking softly before he pushed the door open. He looked to the bed to see Cassandra perched on it in a way she could probably bolt at the first sign of trouble. He closed the door behind him and leaned his head back against it as he tried to summon up the words on how to tell her of the news. "You know, everyone in this place will do everything in their power to protect you, right? Especially me."

Cassandra looked down at her hands in her lap, which were still trembling slightly. “I know,” she answered. A frown pulled at her lips. “But I should not have to rely on any of you. I should have been able to protect myself.” She looked at him again, seeing worry in his eyes. “Is everything alright? What did Bull need?” she asked.

Varric sighed and walked over, moving to sit down in his chair next to the bed and he leaned forward, looking up at her after a moment's hesitation. "I sent Bull and Dorian out to the Hinterlands to see if they could find the bastards that did this to you. They just returned and apparently the dungeon has three new residents, currently being watched by Blackwall and Sera. They are yours," he said, watching her carefully, "Bull wasn't supposed to bring them back, but they attacked another woman and were about to do the same thing to her that they did to you."

Cassandra felt her heart stop. “What?” she breathed. It felt as if a stone had dropped in her stomach. “They’re here?” She could hear the panic rising in her own voice. She’d had nightmares the night before of them coming for her, finding a way into Skyhold. “What were Bull and Dorian thinking?! They can’t be here! Not this close! Not…” She shook her head frantically, her words failing her as fear took over. “What if they escape? What if they come after me again? I won’t go through that again. I won’t, I won’t!” She doubled over, grabbing at her own hair as she struggled to breathe, rocking herself slightly. 

Varric winced at her reaction, standing up the next minute and reaching out to her, stopping himself before his hands touched her shoulders. He just let them hover there and he leaned his head towards her bowed one. "They aren't going to escape, they aren't going to come after you. I'm going to be right here next to you the whole time and if they so much as even breathe in your direction, I'll kill them myself. I swear to you, they won't touch you ever again. They are going to rot in that dungeon until you are ready to face them. And you will be able to give back one hundred fold what they did to you." 

She shook her head again, not thinking she could stand to look at them, much less deal with them herself. She forced herself to breathe slower, trying to push down her emotions to think rationally. She used to be so good at that, separating herself emotionally from things, but now it seemed almost impossible. When she regained control of her breathing, she looked up at Varric. “Are they sure they caught the right ones?” she asked. “The thought of them being so close terrifies me, but it is a small comfort to think that they are not free to do this to anyone else.”

Varric nodded. "We agree on that front. Don't need their poison out in the world. You know, it's entirely possible that they think you are dead. The Inquisition didn't spread word about that. If you want to make sure that these are the right guys, we could wrap you up in a cloak, hide your face. Anything else from their sight. It'd be a quick in and out."

She gave him an uncertain look. “Will… will you come with me?” she asked, hating how tiny her voice sounded, yet unable to do anything about it. She felt frightened tears burn the corners of her eyes. She didn’t want to see them, didn’t want to be near them. But she had to know. She had to. 

He gave her a sad smile. "As if I would let you do this alone. I'm afraid you are stuck with me, Seeker," he said, his hand ghosting over her face, brushing away the tears there. He didn't even mind when she jerked slightly under his touch. Baby steps, he thought. "Sparkler said they'd probably be waking up in a few hours, so if you wanted to go, now would be the time, but you have time. All the time you need. We can wait if you want."

“Let’s go now before I lose my nerve,” she said quickly and got to her feet. Leliana had brought some of her clothes to Varric’s room earlier, knowing that Cassandra probably wouldn’t want to venture out just yet, and Cassandra was grateful for it. She grabbed a cloak and slung it around her shoulders, pulling the deep hood up over her head. She looked at Varric and gave a nod, then followed him out of the room.

* * *

 

“Aw, c’mon! Let me fuck with ‘im just a little bit! Pleeeeease?” Sera begged. “I’ll leave some for Cassandra, I promise. I just really wanna make these piss-bags pay for what they did to her!”

Blackwall shook his head as he eyed the prisoners again. "Lady Cassandra deserves all, not some, for what they did to her. Despicable sods," he muttered under his breath as his hand tightened on the hilt of his sword,  "Perhaps when the time comes, you can pretty them up for the Seeker. She might like that."

“You never let me have any fun,” Sera sulked, her full lips turned down in a pout. She heard a muffled groan from one of the cells and turned to look at Stephan, but he merely groaned, shifted, and fell unconscious once more. “Friggin’ shite-licking bastards. I hope she fucks ‘em up royally.”

The heavy door to the dungeon creaked open and Sera turned to see Varric with who she assumed was Cassandra. The height and build of the person beneath the cloak matched and who else would he have brought down here? A sadness and anger flamed in her chest. She wanted to say something, to make it better for the Seeker somehow, but words failed her in that moment and she bit her lips shut.

Varric held a finger up to his lips, tilting his head back towards Cassandra so they would know not to say her name loudly. “Are they still out? We wanted to see them,” he said, his fingers tightening around his crossbow as his eyes flickered to the cells. He felt disgust as he recognized the bartender laying on the ground of one of them. The cheerful man with the wife and child back at Redcliffe. And he had lied right to his face about Cassandra. “That fucking bastard.”

Cassandra felt herself shaking from head to toe as she took a cautious step forward. Her throat constricted, her heart racing as she looked at one of the men who had attacked her. It all came back to her in a rush, everything around her went blurry and it was suddenly as if she was back in that house, at the mercy of her attackers. “No!” she shouted and turned to run, nearly knocking Sera over in the process, and bolted out the door. 

She ran as fast and as hard as her long legs would let her, barely seeing where she was going as she ran through the corridors of Skyhold. Sheer panic drove her on, an overwhelming fear that she didn’t even stop to question. All she knew was she had to get away from them. She screamed as she slammed into someone in the hall and he caught her in his arms. “No! Get off of me! Let me go! LET ME GO!”

Solas’ eyes went wide with surprise as Cassandra suddenly barreled into him, running as if from the very devil himself. He caught her, his hands curling around her forearms and he held her tightly so she could not fall or run away. He had been distraught when they had been forced to leave the Hinterlands without her and even more devastated when he learned of what had happened to her. It didn’t take much to piece it all together. Now with the monsters brought to Skyhold, it didn’t take much for him to figure out what must have happened. “Peace, Cassandra,” he said calmly, his hands glowing a soft blue as he urged some spirit magic into her to help calm her, “They cannot hurt you again. They are locked away and they no longer have an advantage over you.”

“No,” she sobbed, still trying to wrestle herself away from him, shaking her head as she squeezed her eyes shut. “No, no, no.” Her breath came in rapid, short gasps as if she couldn’t breathe, making her feel even more panicked, if that were possible. She kicked out at him, desperate to free herself. “Don’t touch me! Stop it!” She had yet to realize that it was Solas who held onto her, trying to calm her. In that moment, it didn’t matter who it was because all she could see were the men who had tormented her so. “Let go of me!” She sank to her knees with a sob, Solas’ grip unwavering, and she struggled to draw a breath.

He went with her to the floor, looking up as Varric entered the room, red faced and out of breath, but he shook his head. More people would only make this worse. He spoke quietly in Elvhen to her, soft, comforting words one didn’t have to know the meaning of to get the feeling of the language. He held her carefully, rubbing his thumbs over her arms. “Shhhh, you are safe. You are free,” he murmured against her as he pulled her into his arms, tucking her head under his chin as he held her, not even flinching as she tried to flail. “You need not fear the touch of friends.”

Cassandra hated her life in that moment. Every moment seemed miserable. She realized now who held her, but it didn’t stop the fear that sang through her veins, the way her skin crawled just to be touched. But she was so overwhelmed with fear and anger and utter disgust with herself that she didn’t have it in her to fight him. She slumped against him and cried, shaking in his arms, wanting to just fall flat on her face and scream until her throat ripped. “I hate them,” she sobbed, not even bothering to try to hide her tears. “I hate everything. I hate myself. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“They are the worst kind of people, Cassandra,” he said. “Come with me. Come,” he said firmly as he stood up, keeping a hand on her back so he could steer her out the main hall. He looked over his shoulder at Varric. “I will bring her back, just give us a little bit,” he assured the dwarf before he led Cassandra to the stables. He led her to a horse. “Can you ride?” he asked as he pulled himself up onto his own hart.

She didn’t know where he was taking her, but if it was away from those men, she was more than willing to go. She mounted the horse and stared at its mane, feeling a little calmer out in the fresh air and sunshine. She urged the horse to walk beside Solas’ hart, chewing her lip until it bled. “I shouldn’t have gone down to the dungeon,” she muttered, her tone flat and lifeless. “That was stupid. I wanted to see if it was them.”

He led them out of Skyhold, heading towards a little clearing that was somewhat enchanted, free of snow, filled with green grass and flowers. He turned his head to look at the Seeker, “It is a step towards your recovery, Cassandra, but I agree. Perhaps it was too soon. Though, now your first reaction to meeting them again has been dealt with. It will be easier to face them in the future.” He had seen the men, actually went down in the dungeons when they had first arrived to get a good look at them. He had to force himself to leave before he did something that would hinder Cassandra from being able to have her own revenge. 

The ride to the little clearing didn’t take long and Solas easily slid from his mount before he reached up a hand for Cassandra to take so he could help her down. “Now,” he said as she was firmly on the ground, “There is no one around to hear you. Let out your frustrations. All of it. There is even a tree you may punch if you feel so inclined. You have cried, dwelling in your sorrow. Perhaps it is time for a bit more rage.”

“Solas…” she said uncertainly, not certain what he expected out of her, what it was he wanted her to do. Her face burned hotly as she looked around at the clearing. Her teeth on edge, she shook her head, feeling the scream burning in her throat before she ever heard the sound of it. Her eyes locked on a tree, the one he’d mentioned, and she marched over to it, punching it so hard the bark cracked and her knuckle split open. There was a strange relief in that, in the physical pain that somehow drew her mind from the emotional suffering. She hit the tree again and again. “I hate them!” she screamed, not caring what Solas thought of her in that moment. “I hate them for what they did to me! For what they took from me! I hate this! I hate it!”

Solas watched her work out her anger. It was the first emotion he had seen in her since she walked back into Skyhold that was not sorrow or fear. It was good to see her like this. He walked forward when she exhausted herself, wordlessly reaching for her hands and he took them in his own, healing her wounds and soothing away the pain. “What they did to you is monstrous. It has filled you with extraordinary amounts of pain, hate, and self loathing. You are the only one who can accept what has happened and move forward, but we who love you are always at your side. We will help you. You do not have to walk this path alone. You should not feel trapped anywhere. Physically or mentally.”

She jumped as he took her hands, and pulled them away the second she saw the magic around his hands dissipate. “But I am trapped,” she said, wrapping her arms around herself, tucking her hands against her ribs. “Trapped by my own fear, my hatred towards myself. I do not think this will ever go away, Solas.” She stepped back from him, keeping a comfortable distance between the two of them. He’d already touched her far more than she was comfortable with and it made a chill race down the back of her neck. And then she immediately felt guilty because she knew Solas meant her no harm. Yet she couldn’t separate the two in her mind. Now, to her, everyone seemed like a threat. And while the logical part of her knew that not to be true, the logical side didn’t seem to be speaking up much. She felt as though she were running on pure fear, like some helpless rabbit anticipating being devoured by a predator at any given moment.

“This is why it will be important for you to venture outside the comfort zone that those men constructed around you. Though, I would suggest that Varric be the one you make leaps and bounds with. Through my explorations in the Fade, I have seen many loved ones go through this very torture, only to turn away from those they love the most. It will take time, Lady Cassandra, but your efforts can help determine how long that will be. To put it in terms you might relate to, it is no different than training your body to use a weapon, honing it to expect certain things. Those men took that from you and now you must relearn it.” He stepped forward and drew her into a hug, gentle but firm. He didn’t let her pull away, “Relax, da’len. Be at ease.” He had a thought then, that what she needed was clarity to help her see friend from foe. 

She trembled from head to toe, telling herself over and over that Solas was a friend, that he wouldn’t hurt her. And yet she was terrified at the same time. And that only made her angrier at herself for not being able to control her emotions, for being so vulnerable. 

Solas smiled, a little. It was only the edges of his lips as he did so. “Fight then, Cassandra. Fight and overpower me. Know that you are stronger than any who would dare oppose you with out cheating,” he said, disgust showing at the way he knew the men must have overcome her. “You need not drugs nor weapons to be better than the men around you. They are lesser because they need them against you,” he said firmly.

Cassandra didn’t hesitate as she tried to push him away from her. It was far too uncomfortable to be that close to anyone. She felt the panic well up in her again when he didn’t let go. And then it happened again - she no longer saw Solas, but one of the men who had attacked her, holding her down, tying her up, forcing himself on her. She screamed out, reacting blindly as she fought off the man holding her, and she didn’t see Solas again until she fell backwards on her rear and he had a hand over his face, a trickle of blood dripping from his nose. 

She blinked rapidly as if coming out of a daze. She didn’t remember hitting him. Had she done that? She scrambled backwards until she got to her feet, fearing his anger. “Solas?” she asked cautiously. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

He laughed, simple and pure as he held his busted nose. He was relieved that she was still able to do that to him. “Be at ease Cassandra. It is good that you wounded me. If you had been fighting them again, you would have the upper hand. They have no fighting experience. They are cowards that hide behind a drug to incapacitate their victims. You did very well. I knew you could do it, Cassandra,” he said, offering her a smile. Tears gathered at his eyes that she would be affected so far as to doubt her fighting ability.

“It… was not a conscious effort on my part,” she admitted, still shaking, still trying to completely clear her vision. She didn’t meet his eyes as she spoke. “It was as if I was there again. I did not see you, but one of them. I don’t even know what I did to you just now.” That worried her. If she reacted without thinking, and was unable to remember what she’d done, how much of a danger was she to the people around her now? She pressed her fingers to her lips, shaking her head. “I have heard of flashbacks before, but never experienced such a thing. This is not good, Solas.”

“It is an unnerving thing to experience, but do not place your worry yet,” he said as he stepped closer to her, nonthreatening, “Your training has allowed to alert your body, involuntarily if it is in danger of being attacked. If on some small part of this. If I were to behave threateningly, your body would act accordingly. Unless of course, the assailant used drugs of some sort to dull your senses, your reactions. A coward's fight,” he said with disgust, “You are far stronger than the men in dungeons who have done this to you. When you face them again, they will not be the ones with the upper advantage, but you.” 

He reached up and pushed his nose back into place, a slight crunch as the cartilage scraped against bone and he easily healed the minor wound. “I am relieved to see that you have not lost any of your fighting abilities,” he said as he went to go sit at the base of the tree. He reached into his pocket and withdrew a stone that sparkled in the sunlight. “Here, I believe you need this more than I. It is a calming stone. Helps you to focus and stay centered.”

Cassandra reached out and took the stone from him, turning it over in her hand. She smooth, almost  glassy surface didn’t look like anything special until it caught the light which revealed the beautiful jeweled tones within. “I don’t know if I believe in such things,” she murmured as she turned it over in her hand, “but thank you.” She turned it over in her hand again and again without even realizing it as she looked back in the direction of Skyhold. “I don’t know if I even want to go back.”

He gave her a soft smile. “For the time being, you do not have to do anything that you do not wish. But those men have taken something from you, if you leave now without facing them, they will be allowed to keep it. A disturbing thought if there ever was one.” He patted the grass next to him. “Come, rest. I will watch over you.”

She moved to sit down, though not nearly as close as he’d invited. She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, groaning slightly. “I do not know if I will ever be able to face them,” she said. She sighed and dropped her hands. “I ran out of there like the place was on fire. Maker, what must Varric think of me?”

“Varric is more understanding than you believe. I have not seen him, in the time I have known him, so happy since the two of you decided to advance your relationship. I would not have thought it possible early on though. You must speak with him about the matter. You will see. He still feels guilty that he was not able to save you from those men. We all do. I am not sure if you could ever forgive us for that. I do not know if I would, were I in your shoes.”

“You could not have known I was in there, Solas,” she said in a soft tone. “The blame is on none of you. I do not believe there is anything to forgive.” She felt her eyes sting again and she blinked them furiously, looking away from him again. “It was not your fault. I should never have gone to that tavern. I should have stayed with Varric that night. I allowed my pride and my stubbornness to control me.” She hung her head and wiped the tears away. “If there is one person I shall never forgive, it is myself.”

“Hush, Cassandra,” he said, reaching out and touching her shoulder gently, “You could not have know that such monsters were lying in wait. You cannot judge yourself like this when the fight was unfair to begin with. They drugged you.” He sighed and leaned his head back. “I know my words bring little comfort. As I said, it is you who must accept things and forgive yourself. Meanwhile, those men will rot away in the dungeon, unable to hurt anyone else.”

She nodded slightly, looking down at the stone in her hand as she chewed her lip. “It frightens me to think they are so close, but it is better than letting them go free to harm anyone else as I was.” A shudder shook her shoulders and she turned the stone over in her hand again. “It makes me sick to think of how many there might have been before me. I… remember pieces of conversations they had in my presence. I know there were several other women. I cannot help but to wonder where they are now, if they are even still alive. And if they are, I wonder if they wish they were not,” she said in a far-away voice.

“For them to have many victims, I cannot imagine that they let many go alive. After so much torture, I imagine it might be a blessing. You survived though, and in doing so, you have ensured that no one else will be forced to suffer at their hands again. Keep that thought close to you as you work on your recovery. If you can, try to allow yourself to be touched, held. By your friends, by Varric. Even if it is something as simple as a hand on your shoulder or a brush of your hair. Then perhaps try to get into your regular schedule. The training dummies have stood un-accosted for far too long. And, this will be difficult, stand in front of the dungeon door. For as long as you can stand it. It will help you build up your nerve to face them. I am certain if you wanted, you could let the others have them while you watched.”

A dark look crossed her face. “I do not know if I should face them,” she said. A shiver of sick satisfaction raced down her spine as she thought about it. “Perhaps it would be better to let the Inquisitor have them publicly executed. Because I know that if I can face my fear, if I can get to the point where I am not crippled by looking at them…” She trailed off and shook her head. “The Maker will not forgive me for what I do to them.”

Solas considered her for a moment, choosing his next words carefully. “Do you think that it would be better for them to have a quick and relatively painless death after what they have done to you? Done to others?” he asked.

She gave a sharp jerk of her head. “Not better for them. But better for my soul,” she answered. She hadn’t thought of revenge at this point, but now that the thought had entered her mind, she found she liked the idea more and more. Too much, if she was honest with herself. “I fear the monster I will become if I walk this path.”

He placed a hand on her head, ruffling her hair as he met her eyes. “Do not be afraid. We will not let you become a monster. Varric will not let you. You do not have to do this alone. We will stop you from falling too far, but these men have fallen and I think it would be an insult to you and all the others they have victimized to give them a quick death.”

She pulled back from his touch, a jerky movement that made her neck pop. She closed her eyes, impatient with herself. “Forgive me,” she murmured. “I will… think on the matter. But perhaps we should return to Skyhold. We have been gone for some time. I know Varric, he will worry if I do not come back soon.”

Solas smiled and nodded, standing up swiftly before he offered a hand down to her. He raised a brow at her, his lips curling into the a smile. “Small steps, yes?” he asked. 

“I can manage,” she murmured as she stood, avoiding his hand. She saw the look he gave her and guilt filled her chest, but she turned away from him and went to mount her horse. She knew she would owe Varric an explanation as soon as she got back to Skyhold. And the sooner she got it over with, the better.


	9. Chapter 9

Varric was sitting in his room, bent over a desk, trying to do something productive, but it was no use. His mind was all over the place. Mainly, he was worried about Cassandra. While he didn’t think Solas would take her away and put her on the first boat to Nevarra, it had crossed his mind. He prayed that she would come back. The other half of his mind was on the small, guilty pleasure as he remembered his encounter with the men after Cassandra had run out. He had casually mentioned that they were probably going to be hungry when they woke up and pointedly looked at Sera who had just grinned wickedly and ran off towards the kitchens.

Cassandra quietly let herself into Varric’s room, letting out a sigh of relief as she closed the door behind her. She wasn’t looking forward to explaining to Varric what had happened, about the flashback she’d had the instant she looked at those men. Or the one she’d had when Solas grabbed her. When Varric turned in his chair to look at her, she gave him an apologetic look. “I am so sorry,” she said softly and quickly ducked her head. “I panicked. It was like every fiber of my being screamed for me to flee, and so that is what I did.”

“I was worried about you,” he said quietly as he rubbed at his face before he looked her over again, “I thought for sure you’d be on your way back to Nevarra right now.” He meant it as a light hearted joke, but it came out quiet and serious. “I wouldn’t blame you, of course.” He sighed and waved a hand over the page he had been working on, urging the ink to dry before he spoke again, “Is there anything I can do for you? Anything you will let me do?“

She gave a little half-hearted shrug. “I don’t know, Varric,” she said in a quiet voice. Her hand slid into her pocket and she turned over the stone Solas had given her. There was something grounding about that stone. It seemed to give her a small comfort, something to do with her hand to clear her mind. “Solas tried to help me and I… I don’t know exactly what happened. It was as if I could no longer see him. But instead, I saw one of them attacking me all over again. By the time I snapped out of it, I was on the ground and Solas’ nose was bleeding.”  

Varric didn’t know if he should smile or be worried about that statement. “You punched Chuckles? I would have paid good coin to see that,” he said, his expression softening. He wanted to get up and go to her, to wrap her up in his arms and just sit with her on the bed, maybe in front of the fire. Shit, he’d give anything for that. For just one more moment with her when she didn’t flinch from his touch. “I’ve heard about what you’re going through. Shit, sometimes after the Deep Roads expedition, whenever a door closed, I swore I could see Bartrand, laughing and telling me off. Betrayal all over again. I can’t even begin to imagine what it has to be like for you. To let you see those men so soon after your trauma.” He bit his lip. “You see them whenever someone touches you, don’t you?” He had to admit to himself that thought made him sick to his stomach and it made his eyes sting with unshed tears. His vision blurry, he turned away from her, resting his arm on his desk, hiding his face in his hand. It hurt him to no end to think that she no longer saw him, but one of those monsters that had hurt her.

Cassandra thought about it for a moment, turning the stone over and over in her fingers. “I don’t see them every time someone touches me, but for that split second, yes, I do expect it to be one of them,” she tried to explain. “But when Solas grabbed me earlier, I saw them. And in the dungeon, when I saw them, it all came flooding back to me. That is why I panicked. It was as though the whole room around me changed and I was back in that house.” She bowed her head again, frustrated with herself. “At least we know that Bull brought in the right men. It was them. I still cannot remember their names, but I suppose that matters little now. If nothing else, we all know that they are not still out there hurting anyone else.”

He turned in his seat and let his hand drop. “I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most. I wish I had never brought up that stupid question. I should have left well enough alone. Shit, I miss what we had, Cassandra. I miss you. Maker help me, I miss our banter. I’d give anything to be able to hold you one more time. Read you poetry, give you flowers, everything you deserve,” he said sincerely, “So if you’ll let me, I’m going to at least help you through this. Until those men are rotting in the ground and you aren’t seeing them any more. In dreams, reality. Whatever.”

“I should have stayed in your tent that night,” she responded, though she felt like they’d already had this conversation before. She walked towards his bed, kicking off her boots as she went, and carefully laid down. Her dark eyes studied him for a moment, and a frown pulled at her lips. “I don’t want to be like this,” she whispered. “It has only been a few days and I am already tired of feeling like this. So frightened of my friends, my own shadow. This is miserable.” She cautiously reached out and touched his hand, lightly letting her fingertips slip between his fingers.

Varric studied her as she touched him, he let his hand curl around her fingers as well, threading them together. He sighed at the contact. “Can I hold you, Cassandra?” he asked softly as he let his thumb brush of the callused skin of her knuckles. “Just until you fall asleep. It… It’s what I wanted to do that night before we left for the Hinterlands,” he said, though he knew she would turn him down. It had to be too soon.

A frown crossed her lips and she swallowed hard. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to freak out on him if she couldn’t handle it. But she didn’t want to turn him down again. Look what happened the last time she’d turned him down. She finally nodded and pulled her hand away before she laid down on the bed. “I can try,” she said, knowing he probably didn’t need more explanation than that.

Varric was shocked, fully expecting to be turned down, but she had good reason to. He nodded. “You just let me know if it’s too much. I’ll understand. I’ll always understand. You don’t need to apologize to me,” he said quietly as he stood up, tugging off his boots, but nothing more before he went to the other side of the bed and carefully crawled under the covers. “Maybe you should touch me first. At your own pace,” he suggested.

She laid there and looked at him for a long time, studying his face. For the first time since she’d made it back, she felt her heart warm. She reached out and lightly touched his face, her fingertips trailing along his scratchy jaw, and the tiniest of smiles crossed her lips. She knew him. She knew he would never hurt her and she had to make herself trust that knowledge somehow. She scooted closer to him until her head rested on his shoulder and although she shivered, she didn’t pull away. He was warm and solid, his scent familiar, and she slid her arm around him, curling against his side, desperate to feel safe with him again. “I’m trying,” she whispered.

Varric felt tears prickling at his eyes again at the way she touched him. They weren’t of sadness though. He was reminded of their first night together after the initial fiery passion had been sated, it had been soft touches and the subtle worshiping of each other. He reached up, slowly putting a hand over her own that curled over his chest, sliding through his chest hair. Her weight against him felt good and he turned his head to press a kiss to her head, burying his nose into her short locks. “Maker, I’ve missed you,” he murmured against her.

She nodded, breathing carefully to calm herself. She felt it creeping up on her, that panic, the fear of being so vulnerable and too close to someone. It was a constant struggle within her and she despised it. She pulled her hand from beneath his, then set hers on top. There. That felt a little better, though she wasn’t entirely sure why. She felt a knot in her throat again. “Varric, are you certain you still want me?” she asked in a small voice.

Varric let out a relieved sigh when she didn’t pull away from him, but moved so that she was in control of the situation. He could work with this. He lifted his head slightly, looking down at her after she asked her question and he felt his lips curl up in a smile. He hesitated for a moment, confessions didn’t come easily for him. Every time he confessed something, he had wound up hurt and in the dust. But, he remembered that night in the Hinterlands as Cassandra yelled at him that she wasn’t Bianca. He threw everything to the wind. “I love you, Seeker,” he said simply, “Nothing that happened to you could ever change that. It only makes me love you more. You survived the impossible and you are struggling to reclaim that part of you. You are still in there. The woman I fell in love with is everything that you are, broken or not. How could I abandon you now? It would break me.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, drinking in his words, trying so very hard to believe him. How could he love her when she felt so worthless, hated herself so much? She couldn’t wrap her mind around it and trying to made her head hurt. So she just nodded again and buried her face into his shoulder. “I love you too,” she whispered and hugged him a little tighter, trying to fight down all the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. It was still early in the evening, but she felt so worn out after everything she’d dealt with that day. She could feel sleep pulling at her and a small yawn escaped her. “Stay with me?”

Varric found himself nodding when words failed him. It couldn’t have been easy for her to admit something like that, considering everything. He felt a smile curling at the corners of his lips as he remembered some of their banter from earlier and he couldn’t resist, speaking softly, “Don’t think I could leave you even if I wanted to. You’ve grown on me.”

Her lips twitched and a snicker actually escaped her in that moment. “Like fungus,” she replied, also remembering their banter. She couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face as she giggled, still holding onto him with her eyes closed. She had to give it to him - Varric Tethras always knew the right thing to say.

* * *

 

Cassandra hadn’t slept so peacefully in a long time. Curled up at Varric side, she actually felt safe and protected. It was wonderful. She was vaguely aware of him at her side as she slept, it was the middle of the night, and the room was dark save for the small glow of the embers in the fireplace. A smile curled her lips and she sighed contentedly. 

A shadow moved in the room and she felt herself tense, jerking away from Varric as she looked around the room. She sat bolt upright, her sharp eyes straining to see in the dim light. “Who’s there?” she demanded. A dark figure lunged at her, pinning her back against the bed, and she screamed when she saw Stephan’s face and felt his weight on top of her. “NO!” she screamed and fought back, kicking out at him, desperate to stop his attack as he tore at her clothing. “GET OFF OF ME! STOP IT! STOP IT!” she screamed out as he pressed himself down on her. “VARRIC! HELP ME!” she begged, tears streaming from her eyes, yet the dwarf just slept on next to her, completely unaware of what was happening to her.

Varric had used to be a sound sleeper, but after being betrayed by his own brother, chasing after monsters in caves, being woken up at the slightest noise to find that camp was being attacked by bears, one learned to wake up at the drop of a dime. This was not one of those times and he was suddenly woken by a very strong kick to his stomach and he found himself shoved from the bed. Alarm and pain went through him all at once and he forced himself up, looking around wildly for his attacker, but his gaze landed on Cassandra who was thrashing and screaming loudly in her sleep. “Cassandra!” he cried and forced himself to stand up. “Wake up! It’s just a dream! Wake up!” he urged her as he came to her side, but she wasn’t waking. He groaned, this was going to hurt. He didn’t think twice about it as he grabbed her shoulders, giving her a shake. “Snap out of it!”

Cassandra’s eyes flew open and she nearly lashed out at Varric until she realized it was him and not Stephan. She was covered in a cold sweat, panting and shaking from head to toe. “Varric?” she breathed, her eyes still wild with fright. She realized then that it was a dream. A horrible, horrible nightmare. She sank back into the mattress and covered her face with both hands, a dry sob escaping her lips. “Maker, it was so real,” she whispered. “It was so real.”

Varric thought for sure he was going to end up with a broken nose for that and he sat on the side of the bed with a heavy sigh, dragging his hand through his loose hair. “You have quite the kick, Cassandra,” he said as he rubbed at his sore stomach before he looked her over. “You didn’t stab me, so I’ll count this as a good thing,” he said as he watched her shake and sob, “Shhh, they are still locked away in the dungeon. I swore they would never touch you again.” He rubbed at his head. “Maybe it would be better if we just killed them. That way you could put it behind you. Sleep better at night. But shit, I hope their nightmares are eating them alive.” He wondered what it would be like, spreading their torture out over more than one day, like they had done to Cassandra. 

She drew a deep breath, trying to calm herself as she curled up, staring at the wall. Anger coursed through her veins at herself, at the men who had done this to her. Her fingers curled into a fist, nearly tearing the pillow beneath her as a tear dripped from her nose. “I am sick of being the victim,” she growled out through clenched teeth. “They are not having nightmares. They are not sorry for what they have done.” A dark look crossed her face and her voice was deathly low when she spoke again. “I will make them sorry.”

He lifted his head to look at her, the change in her voice a fresh change from the meek thing she had become. This… this had to be a good thing, right? “And take your time with them. Spread it out over more than one day.” He rubbed at his face, wondering if Cassandra really needed him to make suggestions. “Tell me what you need. I’ll make it happen.”

Cassandra shook her head and threw herself out of the bed, swinging her long legs around to make sure she didn’t knock into Varric, and began to put on her armor. “I will handle this,” she growled as she sat in his chair to pull on her boots. She was sick of it already, sick of feeling scared and worthless. Sick of jumping at every little thing around her. Enough was enough. Without another word, she stood up and strode out of Varric’s room, her only thought of the bastards locked away in the dungeon.

Varric had never been so grateful in his life to only have taken off his boots. He tugged them back on quickly and grabbed his crossbow as he followed Cassandra out of the room, but her long legs had carried her farther than he had expected and he hurried after her. He hadn’t seen this level of anger from her before, not even when dealing with the Lord Seeker Lucius. She was a whirlwind of anger and purpose and he never thought he’d be happy to even catch a glimpse of her like this. He followed her to the dungeons, spying the guard that stared after Cassandra as she threw open the door and hurried down the steps. “You might want to give us a moment,” he said as he followed her down.

Cassandra grabbed the keys off the hook on the wall and marched towards the cells, only faltering once in her steps. No, she would not let them control her any more. She could hear them snoring, sleeping peacefully in their cells. Her eyes narrowed at the sight of Earl, curled up on a mat on the floor. He was the ringleader, the one who she thought had come to rescue her and then only joined in. Well, it was her turn to have a little fun.

She unlocked the door and flung it open, then marched in and kicked him hard in the back. “Wake up,” she snarled as he gave a startled cry. A smirk crossed her lips as he rolled over with a look of surprise on his face. “Remember me?” she asked and reached down to grab the front of his shirt and pulled him up to punch him in the face before he could even respond.

Varric skidded to a stop as he reached the bottom of the stairs, the sound of flesh against flesh met his ears, but it was the sound made when a bare fist hit another person. He saw Cassandra, all spitfire and passion as she assaulted one of the men who had hurt her. He felt a grim satisfaction well up inside of him as he watched blood appear on the man’s face. He cocked his crossbow. Just in case.

Earl barely had time to breathe as he saw the face of someone he thought to be dead. He tried to hold up his hands to defend himself, but her punches were like iron. He felt his nose crunch and pain bloomed all over his face as the Seeker laid into him. Her blows were so hard, they had him reeling and he tried to shrink back from her. The fear that she would kill him swarmed over him. “No! Stop! Please stop!” He gasped, only to have his head jerked to the side as a punch landed on his jaw. He felt a heat and more pain as a few of his teeth were knocked loose. “Stupid bitch!” he cried out, trying to lash out at her. 

The whiz of a crossbow fired and he cried out as suddenly his hand was pinned to the wall, blood welling up around the bolt that was dead center. Varric stepped up closer to the cell, his eyes alight with anger and he cocked his crossbow again. “You don’t get to touch her ever again. Now you lay there and take it like a man, you piece of shit.” 

“What’s wrong?” Cassandra asked as she drove her fist into Earl’s stomach. “I thought you liked it when a woman fought back? Or was that only if she could not overpower you?” Rage and disgust roared in her chest and she pulled her foot back before she kicked him hard in the groin. Sick satisfaction coursed through her at his pained cry. She punched him in the face, again and again, letting out all of her hurt and her anger at the man who had abused her. “Fight back!” she shouted and grabbed the bolt through Earl’s hand and ripped it out. “You can’t defend yourself if you haven’t drugged your victim, can you? You are pathetic!”

Earl screamed out as she ripped the bolt from his hand and he curled in on himself. “Please! No more! No more!” he cried, blood dripping from his lips, “I can’t…” He hated himself, he should have cut off her head when he had the chance. He should have known she would have tried to hang on for dear life. “Please. I have a wife and child.” He didn’t know what he could do to get himself out of this situation alive.  

“You think that matters to me?” she asked incredulously. “How many women did you rape and murder that had a husband or children of their own? Did it matter to you that I had someone who cared for me? No.” She struck him again, then grabbed his shirt with both hands and slammed him back against the wall, his head smacking against the stone. “You knew he was looking for me and you laughed about it! You mocked him! Laughed at me for caring for him! Why should I care if your family is concerned about you?”

Varric scowled at the man in the cell, his face covered with blood. He was barely recognizable. He watched the man recover from the blow to his head, the way his eyes glazed over. “I think we would be doing your family a favor there. How long would it have been before you turned your gaze to them? Before you raped your wife or that little girl of yours? I wouldn’t put it past a sick bastard like you. Take a good look around. This place is the last you’ll see in your miserable life.” It hurt him, made him angry to know that this man knew all along where Cassandra was and lied to them. 

Cassandra let out a scream of rage as she continued to punch and kick Earl, his blood covering her fist and splattering on her face. She didn’t know how long she beat on him, but finally he slumped unconscious to the floor and she stepped back, breathing hard and shaking from adrenaline. She turned on her heel and stomped out of his cell, where she tripped and fell to her knees. She felt like she was in a daze, not knowing how to process what she’d just done.

Varric quickly pulled the cell door shut, spitting on the ground as he locked it, looking at the bartender out cold. “Worthless,” he muttered before he went to Cassandra, kneeling down in front of her. He set his crossbow aside and looked her over. Her hands were covered in blood and she was breathing hard as she stared past him. “Hey. You still with me, Seeker?” he asked as he settled down in front of her.

She barely heard him speak as she stared at a spot on the floor, trying to comprehend what had just happened. A breathless laugh escaped her. She’d done it. She’d faced one of them and come out victorious. No, it wasn’t nearly as bad as what he’d done to her, but it was something. She shivered again. She wanted more, to make them pay, make them suffer for what they’d done to her and countless other women. Her voice was soft, contemplative as she spoke again. “It isn’t enough.”

It was a dangerous path she was on, Varric knew, but he found himself nodding. “No, it’s not enough. Just, remember who you are. I won’t let you fall in too deep. I’ll help you and make sure you come back to me. To us,” he said as he reached out, gently touching her chin and lifting her face so he could meet her eyes, “As long as it takes. However long you need.” He wouldn’t be satisfied until he was certain that they had suffered as much or more as she had.

It was a strange combination of numbness and sick satisfaction that coursed through her and she suddenly craved more. She had to make them feel the way they’d made her feel, so they understood what they’d done. “I need time to think,” she said and got to her feet, placing the keys back on the hook as she left the dungeon. She nearly snorted with amusement at the look the guard gave her. “One of our prisoners needs a healing potion,” she said as she walked by. “But only a small dose. I will be back later to check on him. Let him know I’ll see him soon.”

Varric chuckled as the guard only smirked and nodded, giving Cassandra a salute before he hurried off to do as she asked. He had to admit, she looked more like herself than she had in a while and he couldn’t say he was sorry for that. He couldn’t say he was happy about this though, what happened to her should have never come to pass. It was a fate he didn’t want to wish on anyone. Now, thanks to her, they would never be able to spread their poison again. “Maybe the Inquisition can do some investigating, provide some closure to those husbands and children who suddenly found themselves without a mother or a wife.”

Cassandra gave a curt nod. “Leliana could find that information easily,” she answered, almost surprised to hear the confident tone back in her voice. “We will speak to her in the morning.” Her mind was on fire, so much so that she couldn’t seem to grasp onto one thought before it was replaced by another. Her feet carried her towards the armory where her sword had been stowed. She threw open the door and paused as she looked at her sword, the hilt stained with her own blood. It repulsed her, yet she grabbed it up anyway and walked towards her training dummies. 

Varric watched her grab up her sword and started hacking away at the dummies. It warmed something in his own chest to see her back at it. Even if it was the middle of the night, even if her hands were stained with the blood of that man. She had told him what happened with that sword and he pressed his lips together. He would make a mental note to go and see Harritt in the morning. A fresh start would be just what she needed. He only prayed that he would be able to bring her back once it was all said and done.


	10. Chapter 10

Varric was impressed, as the Seeker often did to him. He watched her hack away at the training dummies until dawn when he went to go see Harritt to requisition the new sword for Cassandra. It wouldn’t be ready for at least a few days which was fine, but she wouldn’t be able to use it on the prisoners. He shrugged, it would just mean she would have to get creative. He didn’t doubt that she wanted to make it last as long as she could. He paused as he was passing Josephine’s office and he thought for a moment. She might appreciate something for herself. She needed more things to just get her used to her own skin and feel more like herself. He knew the guilty pleasures she liked and before he could think about it any more, he went towards the Ambassador’s office to make a request.

Cassandra didn’t even realize Varric had left as she continued to punish the dummies. The sun steadily grew higher in the sky, but she paid no attention to it. And though she was aware of the residents of Skyhold moving about their daily routines, no one dared approach her. Which was good for them. 

She was examining her sword when she saw Varric walking towards her again. The blade was dulled with little chips along the edges of the blade. She slowly ran her thumb down the edge, feeling her skin slightly catch on the ridges and dings she’d put in it. “It’s dulled now,” she said in a flat tone as she continued to stare at it, not looking at him.

Varric looked at the blade and the bad shape it was in. He thought about the new one he was having made for her, but maybe she wanted this one for something special. “We could have it sharpened for you. You know Harritt can make it as good as new for you,” he offered, thumbing over his shoulder at the smithy. He secretly hoped she said no because the other surprise for her was going to get cold.

“No,” she said firmly and sheathed the sword on her hip. “I want it this way.” She was tired and sweaty, some of Earl’s blood still dried on her face and her hand. But she couldn’t have cared less. She looked at Varric then and her expression softened a bit. “Where have you been? I didn’t even realize you’d left,” she admitted, her face feeling a little hot at that. “I was so focused, all I could see were the dummies.”

Varric smiled at her. “Oh you know, taking care of a few things. I thought that since you’ve been busy since you woke up last night, you might appreciate some time to relax. There’s a hot bath waiting for you back in the room. Along with a few other things. You wouldn’t be interested in that, would you?” he asked, looking at his fingernails casually, glancing up at her with a smile curling the edges of his lips.

She cocked an eyebrow at him. “I might be,” she answered. She knew that look. Varric was up to something. It was the same look he’d had on his face when he brought her that copy of Swords and Shields. “What are you up to?” she asked as she fell into step with him. She had to admit, a hot bath did sound good. It would ease her aching muscles, let her relax enough so she could perhaps think out her plans.

“Do I have to be up to anything to want to treat the woman I love to a well deserved afternoon?” he asked as he held the door open to his room, bowing slightly and gesturing grandly for her to go in ahead of him. “After you, Seeker,” he said, glancing in himself. Ah, Josephine worked quickly, she had the bath set up with the flowers and candles. He owed her a bottle of wine the next time they would be at the tavern.

Cassandra stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of the bathtub in Varric’s room. The top of the water was covered in rose petals and a few pillar candles glowed from their places on the floor around it. It wasn’t over the top or so much that it came across as cheesy. It was perfect. 

She gave him a small smile as words failed her. After a moment’s hesitation, she bent at the waist and gave him a tiny kiss on the cheek. Why such a small gesture felt like such an accomplishment, she didn’t know. She undid her belt and set it and her sword aside, wanting to just sink into that tub and forget the world, but self-consciousness stopped her.

He smiled at her as he shut the door behind him and he went to his desk, keeping his back to her. “You won’t have to worry about that, Cassandra. I promise I won’t look,” he promised and he busied himself with taking off his boots and duster. “I had Josephine pick up some of those soaps you like to wash with. I was wondering if you would be okay with me washing your hair for you once you get settled in there.”

She appreciated his patience more than she could express. She undressed and set her clothing aside before she stepped into the tub, a soft moan escaping her as she sank into the deliciously hot water. It smelled heavenly as she leaned back, resting her head against the rim of the metal tub. Drawing a deep breath, she sank beneath the water, the world around her going blissfully silent for a moment. If only it were possible to breathe like this, she thought she might stay under forever. By the time she surfaced again, she already felt cleaner. “This is heaven,” she said softly as she looked over at him, his back still turned to her.

He dared to look over at his shoulder at her, his heart thudding in his chest at the look of her. Her cheeks rosy from the heated water, “I think that’s the point of it.” He said as he got up and went to the little bottles that were set on a side table and showed them to her. “Would you allow me the great honor?” he asked as he poured a measure of the soap into his hands and he lathered them between his fingers and offered to her. “If you don’t feel comfortable at anytime, you just have to say so. I’ll understand.”

She gave a nod and rested her neck back against the tub to allow him access to her hair. She quickly undid her braid and tried her best to relax. The touch of his hands in her hair made her jump, but only slightly, and she reminded herself over and over that Varric would never hurt her intentionally. Her eyes fluttered shut as his fingers worked into her hair and the lightly scented soap filled the air around her. “You are too good to me,” she said in a soft voice. “I do not deserve you.”

He smiled as he relaxed, using all of his skills honed from writing to wash her hair, massaging her scalp carefully. “You deserve more than I can give you, I just hope this helps you in some small way,” he said as he let his hands drop to her shoulders, massaging the tense muscles there for a moment before he went back up, working into the pressure points behind the back of her ears. “You ready to rinse?” He wanted to make her feel good. Better than she had in a while. Since that night. He wanted to give her all that she deserved. “I wish I could help you out, Cassandra,” he said quietly.

She delayed rinsing her hair for a few minutes more, enjoying the way his fingers seemed to ease her tension. She missed this, missed his touch. Her own stupid fear dictated what she seemed to do or not to do and she hated that. It had taken this from her. And she was ready to take it back. 

She sank beneath the water again, letting it rinse away the suds in her hair. She slicked the water out of her face as she sat up and gave him a small smile. “You are spoiling me,” she accused, though there was no bite in her words. She reached for his hand, proud of herself for not flinching at his touch and for not feeling the urge to pull away. Carefully, she lifted his hand and pressed a long kiss to his knuckle, trailing more kisses down the side of his finger, watching him carefully as she did it.

He sighed, watching her carefully as she kissed his fingers. He swallowed carefully, letting his hand move down her slicked skin. He watched her reaction carefully as he brushed his fingers over the curve of her breast. “Cassandra,” he breathed against her ear, “Let me make you feel like the treasure that you are.” He let his thumb trace nonsensical patterns over her impossibly soft skin. 

A strange thrill of fear and lust shot through her at his touch. His fingers were so careful, so gentle on her skin, reminding her that he was not the one who had hurt her. She suddenly found herself longing to return to the way they had been before, to reclaim that for herself and for him. She turned her face towards him and captured his lips with her own, kissing him slowly but firmly. “Please,” she whispered against his lips, “Just go slow. Be patient with me. Please?”

He kissed her back, slowly and deliberately. He savored the taste of her, letting his free hand slide into her slick locks as he tilted her head back and he teased her tongue with his own. He let his other hand cup her breast, letting his thumb flick over her nipple. He pulled back from her, leaning his forehead against hers. He was thinking of those men and how they had touched her, tortured her. He wanted to wipe away all of those memories and replace them with memories of himself instead. “This is all for you, Seeker.” He smiled against her, kissing her sweetly again. 

Cassandra gasped as he touched her, arching her chest into his hand. Her breasts swelled and tingled as her nipples firmed, and she kissed him back a little harder. For that one blissful moment, she forgot everything but him. She reached up to cup his jaw, slowly dragging her thumb across his stubbled cheek as she tilted her head slightly, giving him better access to her mouth. He tasted sweet and clean, his lips firm and warm against her own. “Varric,” she breathed.

Varric moaned softly against her, letting his other arm curl gently around her shoulders, cupping her head and angling it just a fraction as he deepened the kiss. His hand beneath the water dipped further and he skimmed down the toned skin to brush between her legs. He teased at the coarse curls there before he slipped between her lips there, using a light touch as he brushed his thumb over her clit. “You still okay, Cassandra?” he murmured against her lips, his eyes watching her carefully.

She swallowed harshly and nodded, slightly lifting her hips to meet his touch. He was so gentle, the way he touched her sent pleasant chills up her spine and made butterflies flutter in her stomach. “I’m okay,” she answered before a soft moan slipped from her throat and her head fell back against the tub. 

He smiled against her and nuzzled her neck as he kissed at her, letting his touch guide him. He carefully slipped a finger along her folds, slick with more than just water and he smiled before he slipped a finger into her heat. His shirt was soaked as he dipped his arm further into the water, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. She was more important to him than anything in the world, let alone one shirt. “That’s my Seeker,” he purred as his fingers curled inside of her and his thumb circled around her clit. He wanted to see her like this, to be the place she felt so safe. “You are so beautiful. I don’t deserve you.”

She gasped as his fingers slid into her, her eyes widening. Oh, that was amazing how he knew just the way she wanted to be touched, how he slowly wound her pleasure higher. She rocked her hips, riding his fingers slowly, rhythmically, the ache of orgasm building steadily within her. But it was his words that made the corners of her eyes prickle. She didn’t think she would ever feel beautiful again. And maybe tomorrow she wouldn’t, maybe she would still be filled with fear and doubt and anger, but for this moment, this one incredible moment, she felt safe and loved and worthy. She clung to his arm, a whine escaping her. “Varric,” she gasped, “I’m so close.”

He smiled against her, claiming her lips in another deep kiss, drinking her down. He could feel the way her body tensed beneath his fingers and he knew she was close without her saying a word. He remembered all the times they had made love before and recalled just how she liked it when she was this close. He pulled out of the kiss and pressed his lips behind her ear, licking at the delicate skin there as he let his fingers curl just right until he felt that special spot deep inside of her and he swirled his fingertips over it as he pressed against her clit firmly, but not hard. “Come for me, Cassandra,” he purred in her ear. 

Her breath was stolen away as her body contracted around his fingers. “Varric!” she cried out. Hot, blissful waves of pleasure washed over her again and again as she bucked into his hand. Her nails dug into his arm as she tensed, crying out her orgasm until she melted back into the tub, boneless and satisfied. “Maker,” she breathed as she looked up at him, a small smile on her face. “I am the one who doesn’t deserve you, Varric,” she said and leaned up to kiss him again.

Varric met her lips eagerly as he pulled his arm from the tub, cupping her cheek as he kissed her. Maker, he couldn’t get enough of her lips. He reluctantly pulled back and looked at her, the relaxed expression on her face. It was one she often got when she’d read his books and he smiled fondly at her. “So be both agree that we don’t deserve each other, but at the same time, we don’t give a damn,” he chuckled, “That sounds like us.” He leaned his head against hers, “Would you like to soak for a while longer?”

She thought about it for a moment, enjoying the renewed closeness she felt with him. She turned her face, slightly rubbing her nose against his, a contented smile on her face. “No,” she answered. “I should get out now. I should return the favor.” She kissed him again, savoring the feel of his lips, the taste of his mouth. Her hand trailed over his chest, lightly raking her nails through the hair there. “I love you, Varric,” she whispered, “I will not leave you wanting. Not after everything you’ve done for me.”

He had to bite back a moan of pleasure as she raked her fingernails through the hair on his chest and he kissed her softly for a moment before he pulled back, letting their foreheads rest together as he looked into her dark eyes. “As much as I would enjoy that, this is about you. No reciprocation needed,” he murmured as he cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb over the scar there. “But if you would let me hold you until we fall asleep, you would make me a very happy man,” he said as he pulled away and fetched the fluffy towel that was nearby, “And if you choose not to, that’s okay too. At the risk of sounding like my Swords and Shields novels, you could never disappoint me. I love you too much.”

She gave a tiny laugh at that. “I’m beginning to think you don’t know how to turn it off,” she teased as she got out of the tub and accepted the towel from him. It warmed her heart and made her feel even more special to know that he didn’t expect anything in return from her. He’d truly just wanted to please her. She wrapped the towel around herself and cupped his cheek, slightly shaking her head at him. “Why must you always be so damn perfect?”

He grinned, leaning his cheek into her hand. “You’re just now learning this? I told you, lovable dwarf with the heart of gold,” he teased as he let his hands rest on her waist as he peered up at her. “It isn’t easy, trying to be perfect, but for you? I think I could get used to living up to your expectations of me. You make me want to be better. To do better. Thank you,” he said as he rubbed her through the towel. “Now, dry off before you catch your death of cold. You’d step outside right now and turn into an icicle,” he teased as he turned from her to give her some privacy and went to turn down the bed.

Cassandra dried off and went to the small pile of clothes she had in his room to dress in an overly long shirt. She crawled into his bed and pulled the blankets up over her shoulder, sighing at the soft warmth of it. It was probably only late afternoon still, but since Varric’s room had no windows, it might as well have been the middle of the night. She watched him with a sleepy expression on her face as he peeled off his wet shirt and climbed into bed. “I should have agreed to this a long time ago,” she said as she moved closer to him.

He kissed her cheek as he gathered her up in his arms. Things would be different if that had happened. He wondered what would have changed if she had agreed long ago. “You had your reasons,” he said quietly. “I should have been more respectful. But you know how I am. An ass,” he admitted as he laid his head atop hers, sighing out contentedly. “This. This is nice. Makes me feel inspired with all those warm tingly feelings.” He chuckled, “I’m a hopeless romantic,” he said as he paused for a moment, reaching over to the bedside and picked up the poetry book that had earned its place there. 

He nudged Cassandra’s hand letting her help hold the book open for him as he flipped through it, his eye catching on a phrase and he smiled against her and cleared his throat, reading aloud,    
__ “But our love it was stronger by far than the love.    
Of those who were older than we-    
Of many far wiser than we-    
And neither the angels in heaven above,    
Nor the demons down under the sea,    
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul    
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.”

“You are a hopeless romantic,” she said in a voice that was just above a whisper, but she turned her head and smiled at him. How had she doubted him, doubted taking their relationship this next step? He was wonderful, everything she’d ever wanted in a man and more. Her eyes shone with intensity as they met his. “I love you,” she said, wishing she knew a better way to express just how strongly she felt about him. 

He felt his heart swell at the look she gave him, it was more than the words she spoke. He could see the intensity of that emotion, that passion just lying beneath her eyes. It nearly brought tears to his eyes to see her like that. He had nearly lost her to those men, in body and spirit, yet there it was again. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, letting his nose rub against her own as he let a smile pull at the corner of his lips. “And you are stuck with me, Seeker.” 

She smiled and leaned her forehead against his. “I would not have it any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit for poem to Edgar Allen Poe.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter depicts graphic violence. Cassandra begins to take her revenge. This may be disturbing to some readers.

Dorian carefully balanced the tray full of food in his hands as he made his way into the dungeon. He nodded to the guard, smiling charmingly at him. “Thank you my good man, if you wouldn’t mind to give us a moment? There’s a good lad,” he said as he watched him shut the door behind him, leaving him alone with the three prisoners. “Ah, gentlemen, I do hope I have found you well this evening,” he said as he moved to stand in front of them, “I heard a rumor that someone has been tampering with your meals?”

Tirell looked up, the scent of food hitting his nose and making his stomach growl loudly. He was wary of anything they fed him in that place. The last couple of meals left him gagging and vomiting among other things. But this smelled wonderful. He stood and grabbed the bars of his cell, watching the mage. “Why should we trust anything you bring us?” he asked skeptically, though his mouth watered. “Everything they’ve fed us so far has made us sick.”

Dorian watched them as they looked at him suspiciously through the bars of their cells and it took every ounce of control he had to not burst out laughing at their misfortune. He knew what Sera had been doing with their meals. He was certain she had put ill prepared deep mushrooms into their food as well as bugs and spiders and whatever she found laying around Skyhold. He had seen her poking around the stables the other day and he suppressed a shudder at that thought. Instead he looked offended. “A tradition of the barbarians of the South I am afraid. You haven’t even been tried yet and here they are treating you like you are guilty. I do so apologize. I am not so cruel. I thought it would be best if you had real food until the trial. We are the Inquisition. Not some ragtag bunch of bandits going off the cuff. If you would like, I could sample each plate in front of you to prove that it is not poisoned?”

Tirell still had a skeptical look on his face and he glanced at the other men in their cells. He knew they were just as hungry as he was. He gave a jerk of his chin at Dorian. “Go on then,” he said, expecting Dorian to not make good on his offer. “If that came from the same kitchen, be prepared for a nasty bout of the shits.”

Earl watched as the mage snorted and walked closer to the cells, setting the tray down in front of all three of them and lifted the lid from it. His eyes fluttered at the smell of fresh bread and good stew. He lifted his eyes and peered out as the man settled down in front of them.

“As if I would let them tamper with the food. I supervised its preparation myself,” he said as he reached for a plate and broke a loaf of bread in half, showing it to them all before he dipped it into the stew and swirled it around for a moment, then popped the bite into his mouth. He couldn’t stop the moan of pleasure that escaped his mouth as he chewed slowly, savoring the flavor. “Mmm, on second thought, if you do not want it, I will happily eat this all myself,” he said as he reached for another helping.

Stephan quickly grasped the bars of his cell. “No! Wait! We’ll eat it! Please. We’re starving. Please help us,” he pleaded as he licked his lips, staring at the food in front of them. So close yet so far away. “Please let us have it.  It’s been three days without a proper meal.” This was ridiculous, he didn’t know why the Inquisitor hadn’t already tried them. They must have been captured without due cause and they had to be looking for more evidence before they had anything solid to stand on. Earl had said that Cassandra was alive, that she had come in the middle of the night to beat him up, but the old man must have been crazy. He couldn’t see him, but he had to be making up all the wounds. He was just being the fat lazy bastard he always was.

Tirell nodded his agreement with Stephan. “C’mon, man, please?” he begged Dorian. “If it’s safe to eat, we’ll eat it. I wasn’t trying to throw it back in your face. I just didn’t wanna get sick again.” He thought he might do or say just about anything at that point to get a decent meal. 

Dorian feigned consideration for a moment before he nodded and slid a plate under each of their doors in the slot. “There you go. Now at least I can sleep better at night. If anyone gives you another suspicious meal, just tell the guards to alert me, and I’ll see what I can do. Granted, it isn’t much since I’m the scary mage from Tevinter,” he said as he got up, the serving tray tucked under his arm and he turned to head up the stairs and back outside. He only stumbled once.

“Did they eat it?” Sera asked eagerly. She tipped her head at Dorian as he leaned back against the wall and covered his mouth as he yawned. That didn’t make sense. He’d been just as eager to give the food to them as she had. “What’s the matter with you?” she asked, watching as his eyes went slightly glassy. “Yoo-hoo! Dorian!” she said, waving her hand in front of his face.

Dorian jerked back with a start, making a pained noise as his head hit the wall. “Ow,” he muttered and stood up straighter. “Oh, yes. They ate it after I had to show them that it wasn’t another of your crazy concoctions that was going to make them throw up from both ends of the spectrum. The potion is just a bit stronger than Solas and I anticipated is all,” he muttered as he shook his head and only wavered slightly on his feet, “They are eating it so fast that by the time they realize that it’s drugged, it will be far too late. Might be when they are licking the bowls.” He placed a hand on the wall to steady himself. “I knew I should have made an antidote. It should wear off in a little bit. I only had a bite. And you!” He pointed at Bull, “You had better not take advantage of me like this, you great lummox.”

Bull gave a growl of exasperation. “You weren’t supposed to eat it, Kadan,” he said in a flat tone, giving Dorian a disapproving look. But he couldn’t hold it for very long and began to snicker. “Oh, I am so taking advantage of you the first chance I get.” He shook his head as Sera wiggled her fingers in front of Dorian’s eyes again and giggled. “Really, Sera?”

“Wha?” she countered, shooting a look at Bull before she turned her attention back to Dorian, who was blinking and trying to swat her hands away. “This is funny! Ooooooo!” she teased, swirling her hands around Dorian’s face, moving them closer then farther away as he tried to escape her without falling over. “We should serve this in the punch the next time Josie tries to throw some big party with all those nobles.”

Dorian chuckled, refusing to call it a giggle later and he moved to throw his arm around Sera, gesturing in front of him as if he were revealing a big picture. “What a marvelous idea! Can’t you just see it? They would all be falling over each other as they still tried to look prim and proper. Perhaps even a few would walk into walls! Fall in the punch? Get punched?” He laughed until there were tears in his eyes and he blinked, trying to focus, “Okay. Too little of this stuff and it behaves like alcohol. Someone… someone tell Solas.”

Sera nearly doubled over with laughter, then stumbled when Dorian leaned too much of his weight on her. “That’s brilliant!” she grinned. She turned when out of the corner of her eye she saw Varric and Cassandra approaching them. “Sober up, sober up,” she hissed at Dorian, slapping at his hip. She giggled again when Dorian just continued to snicker. “He had to eat a bite of the food to prove to them that it wasn’t poisoned. It’s made him piss-drunk.”

Varric chuckled as he walked with Cassandra, his crossbow slung over his shoulder. “So glad to see you’ve taken one for the team, Sparkler,” he said as casually as he could, stopping in front of the group. He had known that this was a possibility when they came up with the plan to drug the rapists down in the dungeons. That they would be suspicious of any food that was brought to them. He gave Bull a sheepish look, “Ah, sorry about that. We were trying to avoid it. We thought if he offered to eat it in front of them, that would be enough to convince them it wasn’t poison.” 

Bull chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not complaining. Our shift to keep watch out here is over. Blackwall will be here in a bit to keep watch with Sera,” he said as he pulled Dorian away from the elf and let the mage lean against his side. A big grin split his face. “I’m going to take full advantage of this.”

Dorian had the good grace to try and appear and be offended but as Bull led him away he stopped the Qunari and grasped Cassandra’s shoulder and he leaned close to her. Whispering so only she could hear, “Show those monsters no mercy,” he said firmly, pressing a kiss to her cheek before Bull tugged him away.

Cassandra felt her spine go stiff at the closeness of Dorian and was grateful when Bull led the mage away. She tried to suppress a shudder and failed. But his words rang in her head, steeling her resolve. She would make these bastards pay for what they’d done. 

“Cassandra! Wait!” Sera said, a little too eagerly. “Let me have some fun with one of them. I’ve got an idea and I reeeeeally want to help make these fuckers pay for what they did to you. Please? Pleeeease?” She actually clasped her hands together and leaned towards the seeker as she begged. “There will be plenty left for you when you’re done. I promise!” She looked to Varric as if he might be able to convince Cassandra to agree.

Varric held up his hands. “Don’t look at me, Buttercup. It’s her decision. I wouldn’t touch those men without her consent,” he said honestly, looking at the Seeker carefully as he studied her expression before he looked back at Sera, “Just what is it you are planning to do?” 

Sera grinned and fished an arrow from her quiver, playing with it for a moment. “Just a little surprise for Cassandra,” she said lightly as if it were nothing but a simple gift. A wicked smirk crossed her lips. “I really think you’ll like it.”

Cassandra raised an eyebrow, but let her curiosity get the better of her. “Alright, Sera,” she agreed with a sharp nod. “Just a moment and then you can have some fun.” She took a step towards the dungeon, wondering what the elf was planning, but she paused. “The one with the dark hair? He really enjoys inflicting pain,” she said in a low voice. “Perhaps we can return the favor to him.” 

Sera’s smirk turned into a full-blown smile and she nodded. “We can definitely do that.”

“Is that wyvern still prowling around the treeline just outside of Skyhold?” Cassandra asked. She already had a plan in mind, a perfect revenge just for Earl. He had given her hope that he was coming to rescue her. He could’ve stopped them, given her a chance to escape. But he didn’t. Now he was going to be given the chance to save himself. 

“‘s far as I know, yeah,” Sera answered, then tipped her head curiously. “Why?”

“No reason,” Cassandra answered casually and strode forward, flinging open the heavy door to the dungeon as Varric followed after her. A smirk crossed her lips when she found the three prisoners slumped against the walls of their cells, conscious, but obviously drugged and incapacitated. “Wake up, gentlemen,” she said in a pleasant, but loud enough voice to catch their attention. She pulled the hammer from her belt that she’d grabbed from the forge. “I think it’s time we decide what we’re going to do about your punishment for your crimes.”

Varric smirked as he watched them men’s eyes flicker to her. He was certain that if they could move, they would have expressions of fear on their faces. “Oh, Seeker, I think they are interested,” he said as he pulled his crossbow from his back and cocked it. Oh the things he wanted to do to them, but this was Cassandra’s big moment. It was a feat for her to be here and not freak out in front of them. “I’m proud of you,” he said softly, before he realized he had spoken outloud, but he didn’t regret it. 

She took a moment to look at each of them, that fear still creeping up her spine, but not the panic she’d felt before. She could do this and nothing and no one was going to stop her. She walked slowly along, letting the hammer tap-tap-tap loudly against the iron bars. She came to a stop outside Earl’s cell and a wicked smile split her face. “You,” she said and crouched down to eye-level with him. “You get to go first. You like going first, don’t you?”

Earl cursed everything, especially that blasted mage and his drugged food. How had he not been affected by it?! He tried to make his body pull away from her, but he couldn’t. Whatever they had put inside his food incapacitated him without doing anything to his mental functions. Stupid bitch! He tried to cry out but only managed a grunt that sounded like something else.

Varric grinned. “I don’t know about you, but that sounded like a yes to me, Seeker,” he said as he walked forward, snagging the keys off the wall before he unlocked the cell door and opened it for Cassandra, “What did you have in mind?”

Cassandra stepped into the cell and grabbed Earl by the arms, dragging him out of his cell. “We’re going to take a little walk,” she said, her voice only slightly strained. She paused to slide the hammer back into her belt, then hauled Earl up to his feet. “Oh, you’re not that drugged. Move,” she barked, then snorted in disgust as he slumped back to the floor. “I think Dorian and Solas outdid themselves with that potion,” she commented. “We might need a horse for this.”

Varric chuckled as he moved to the other side of the man and helped Cassandra pick him up. “I think they were making sure that he wouldn’t be able to attack you. Don’t worry,” he said as they pulled him ungracefully up the steps, “I know he can hear and feel everything we say or do to him.” He gave a sharp tug on the man’s arm. “Blackwall, can you get us a cart?” he asked the ex-Grey Warden as they came up out of the dungeon. He watched as the man ran off to get what he asked.

When Blackwall returned, all four of them hauled the heavy man into the back of the cart and Sera gave him a hard kick in the backside for good measure. 

“We’ll be back,” Cassandra promised and took the reins of the horse, choosing to walk instead of drive. “I want some of that potion to wear off,” she said at Varric’s questioning look. She stared straight ahead as she walked, her posture all business and determination. She hadn’t yet told Varric exactly what she had in mind. In truth, she’d been worried that he would think she had gone nuts. “I want him able to move. I’m going to give him a chance to walk away tonight.”

Varric pressed his lips together as he looked towards her. “You want him to walk away?” he asked, his brow raising up at her as he walked next to her before he looked at the man in the cart. His mind clicked together all the little pieces. “Does this have something to do with the wyvern you asked about earlier?” he asked carefully, then shook his head. “No, don’t ruin the surprise, I like a good ending as much as you do,” he said as he walked along, keeping his crossbow cocked just in case the man became too responsive.

Cassandra smirked again as she heard Earl groan in the cart, the slurred word “bitch” slipping from his mouth. “I’ll show you bitch,” she muttered under her breath as the treeline came into sight. The horse balked in his steps, its nostrils flaring and ears working back and forth. “Easy,” she soothed, knowing the animal was sensing the wyvern that couldn’t be far off. She urged it forward, her eyes looking for just the right place. “There,” she finally said, singling out a large tree that stood slightly apart from the others. She pulled the horse to a stop and went around to the back of the cart where Earl weakly tried to roll away from her. “Come here,” she growled and grabbed him, pulling him out onto the ground.

Varric looked around, uneasy as the horse, but moved to help his love pull the man to the tree. “I think I’m starting to have an inkling of what you are going to do here. Are you sure it is poetic enough?” he asked. While he was all for tying the man to a tree and letting a wyvern eat him alive, he wasn’t sure if that spoke to what all Cassandra had gone through. It seemed like too quick a death for the man. “I don’t want this to be a fast death for him, Seeker.”

She gave a curt nod as she stood over Earl, looking down at the man with pure loathing in her eyes. It disgusted her to do so, but she reached for his breeches, unlacing them and yanking them off. “Shut up,” she hissed at him as he tried to protest. She dragged him closer to the tree, placing each of his legs on either side. She reached into her pocket, her fingers grazing over the stone Solas had given her as she searched for something else. “You had the chance to save me and you didn’t,” she said in a low voice. “Now I’m giving you the chance to save yourself.” 

She pulled a horseshoe nail from her pocket, showing it to him as the moonlight hit the dark metal. With her other hand, she pulled the hammer from her belt, then knelt next to him, grabbing his dick. It was with an emotionless expression on her face that she placed it against the tree and began to drive the nail through his penis. 

Varric’s eyes went wide as he saw her reach for the man’s genitals and winced when he heard the thud of the hammer against the nail and the sound of the man’s scream cutting through the air. The man had an impressive gut, but his Cassandra had managed to stretch the flesh up above that to nail it to the tree. 

Earl couldn’t describe the pain that jolted through his nether regions as he was unable to stop the woman from taking his dick in hand. It was still responsive as ever, no matter how disgusted he was with her. It only lasted for a moment before she placed his dick on the tree and started to nail it into the wood. “AAARRGHHHHHH!” he cried out as he felt the spike drive through him, “You stupid bitch! Stop! STOP! What do you think you are doing?!” 

Cassandra didn’t answer until the nail was firmly in place, the head of it digging deeply into his flesh where she was certain there was no way to pry it out. “I told you. I’m giving you the opportunity to save yourself,” she answered. She stood up straight again, admiring her handiwork, the way a trickle of blood oozed around the nail head. She reached into her boot and withdrew a dagger, then stepped out of Earl’s reach and dropped it on the ground next to him. It was one of the daggers Cole had hidden in a barrel some time ago, the edge of it dull and slightly rusted. “There. If you can free yourself, you may go home to your wife and child. But I would hurry if I were you. That wyvern is going to catch the scent of your blood soon.”

Earl gasped out, his voice reaching a higher pitch as she swung the hammer for a final time and then dropped the dagger within his reach. His stomach gave a lurch at the idea of going home to his wife and child, but the thought of cutting off his manhood to do so? “Shit!” he slurred, reaching for the knife, letting his large fingers curl around the blade. “St...stupid fucking cunt!” he yelled at her before he drew the knife to him and he screamed out as he tried to sit up. “Arugh!!! DAMN YOU!” he shouted, his blood freezing as he heard the clicking of a large lizard in the distance. He tried to haul himself up to reach himself. He pressed the dulled blade to himself, and wrenched it away in the next second. “You are fucking crazy!” He wasn’t going to cut off his own dick!

Varric watched, his face pinched and he unconsciously reached down to cover himself as he watched the man who had helped raped Cassandra. He didn’t feel sorry for the man, he just was feeling… sympathetic. “Remind me to not get you mad any time soon.”

She ignored Varric, her eyes flaming with anger at the man who dared to insult her after everything he’d already put her through. “Crazy?” she asked in a dangerous tone as she stepped closer to him. “You think this is crazy? You have not begun to see crazy.” She leaned down and grabbed him by the hair, speaking low in his ear, keeping a sharp eye on the dagger in case he tried to swing it at her. “No. Crazy is when I go to your house, drag your wife out of bed, and torture her to death. And then I kill your daughter for good measure so when you manage to get away from here, the first thing you see when you get home is their rotting, bloody corpses on the floor of your precious tavern. Now THAT is crazy.” She stared down at him for a moment, pure rage coursing through her veins. “Or maybe I drag them both back to the dungeon and let your friends have some fun with them. Wouldn’t that just be crazy to see what your buddies do to your wife and little girl?”

Varric’s eyes widened as he heard the words coming out of Cassandra’s mouth and he rushed forward, wrapping his hands around her wrists and pulling her away from him. “Cassandra! No!” he shouted, hating that he felt he had to raise his voice like that. “His wife and child know NOTHING about what kind of monster he is. They are innocent. You wouldn’t hurt the innocent no matter how twisted that man is!”

She glared at him and ripped her hands away. “And why not? You know what he did to me, how he made me hate myself and everything around me! Why shouldn’t he feel that horror? If he doesn’t care about himself, maybe he would care for them! I want to take everything away from him and make him feel as low and worthless as he did to me!” In the back of her mind, she knew she was being unreasonable and she wouldn’t actually make good on that threat. But she wanted to see him suffer. 

“Because you are better than that, Cassandra,” he insisted, “He has killed many women, tortured them just like he has done to you. His wife and child are innocent. They have no idea of the man he really is. Why should they suffer for his crimes? They know nothing. What if it were your baby girl? Would you want them to execute her if she was innocent?”

She huffed and opened her mouth to retort, but a very distinctive sound met her ears and she stopped in her tracks. “That wyvern is getting closer,” she said in a soft voice, prepared to run if the thing came too close for comfort. Their arguing must’ve drawn its attention. She looked to Earl, “I would make my decision soon if I were you. That blade isn't very sharp. It will take you a moment to cut through if you decide to save your own life. Or stay here and be eaten alive. It is your choice.” She wasn’t about to leave until she knew for certain what happened. She couldn’t walk away without knowing that he would never again harm anyone.

Earl whined, the pitch becoming higher in his voice as he heard the sounds of the wyvern coming closer to him and he sobbed out loud. “Please! Stop this! Help me!” he cried out, but he saw the expressions in their eyes the next moment. They were not going to help him get out of this mess. He tried to back away from the tree, but the nail was in the wood too tight and when his dick was stretched too far he sobbed out, his hand tightening around the dull blade. “Okay. okay, okay, okay,” he cried as he leaned up over the girth of his belly and put the knife to himself again. He cried out loudly as he forced himself to cut, gasping in a breath as the pain overwhelmed him. “NO!!!! PLEASE!” he cried out.

Cassandra felt only a sense of justice as she watched Earl. Blood splurted from the wound where he’d slid the dulled blade across his flesh. She crossed her arms over her chest, her jaw set and eyes flaring as she waited for him to continue. So he would mutilate his own body to save himself, but not once had he ever saved another person in his life when it would have cost him nothing. “Funny,” she remarked casually as the sound of the wyvern met her ears again, “I seem to remember saying those exact same words to you and they had no effect.” She turned to her lover, an innocently curious expression on her face. “Varric? Do you think those words should work now when they didn’t before?”

Varric felt disgust welling up inside of him as he watched the man try to save himself, the blood pouring out from where he had tried to cut himself free. “No,” he said coldly as he watched on, “No they should not.” He didn’t even want to imagine Cassandra shouting those words that would go unheeded. “He deserves to rot in hell for that,” he spat and stepped closer to the Seeker, wrapping his arm around her waist as he watched on with a grim satisfaction. 

Cassandra laid her arm around Varric’s shoulders, watching as Earl sobbed like a baby, alternating between trying to cut himself free and fighting against the fear and pain of doing so. Something in the back of her mind told her she shouldn’t have enjoyed it as much as she was, but she couldn’t help it. Not after what he’d done to her. Not after what he’d done to so many before her. “Hurry, hurry,” she nearly sang. “That wyvern can smell your blood for sure now. If you take too long, will you be able to get away?”

Earl gave a cry, he could hear the wyvern nearby now. He could smell it’s awful stench, hear the snap of limbs breaking under its feet. In that moment a fear struck him and with a roar, he forced himself up and before he could think about the pain, he hacked away at his own penis until it was severed. He was finally free from the tree, but the next sound out of his mouth wasn’t relief. It was horror. Blood splurted from his ruined flesh and he cried out, reaching to try and stem the flow only to realize it was futile. He had to get away! He tried to push himself to his feet, but he slipped on the slickness of the grass beneath him, his head still woozy from the drugs and the blood loss. “No!” he cried and tried to claw himself away, “Help me! Help me please! I did as you asked! Help me!”

Pure satisfaction filled Cassandra in that moment and she gave Earl a haughty look. “Save yourself,” she said coldly and turned away, walking back towards the now thoroughly spooked horse as it snorted and stomped its hooves impatiently. She could hear the wyvern coming closer as she climbed up into the cart, waiting for Varric to join her before she released the brake and turned the horse back to Skyhold. A small smile crossed her lips as the next moment she heard the snarl of the beast and Earl’s terrified screams behind her, then everything went silent.

“I would not have done it,” she said soberly as the horse trotted along, taking them back to the fortress. “I do not know why I threatened his family. I could not do such a thing, Varric. I was so… into the moment, trying to make him feel as worthless as I do, I spoke whatever depraved thing came into my mind. I hope you do not think less of me for it.”

Varric pressed his lips thin, reaching out and covering her hand with his. He nudged it so that her hand was on top of his in the next moment. “I know you wouldn’t have. I would have been right next to you, ready to stop you with my last breath if I had to. I know you wouldn’t harm innocents, Cassandra. It isn’t you. You shouldn’t let these men make you into something you aren’t. They tried that, and they are still trying.”

Her smile turned into a frown. “I think they may already have,” she admitted quietly as they reached the bridge to Skyhold. “What they took from me, what they did to me, I do not know if I can come back from that, even when this is all said and done. One of them is dead now, but what if I still do not feel free from it when they are all dead? There will still be men like them in the world, Varric. I will always wonder if it will happen again. I will never trust a stranger again. How do I become the person I used to be again?”

“You learn to trust in those around you. Those who will make certain that you are never take advantage of again. You learn how to trust in those who have your best interests at heart. You know that I will never harm you like that. Ever,” he swore while holding her gaze and he felt that not even blood magic could be as binding as the words he promised her. “There are sick people in the world, I would have liked to give them benefit of the doubt, but not when they involve you. When they threaten you, all bets are off.” 

She squeezed his hand, comforted that he would always be there beside her, to pull her back when she almost became too far gone, to protect her from that dark side that could so easily take over if she let it. She was done living in fear. Done with the doubt and the uncertainty. And soon, she hoped, she would be done with the anger. “Let’s get back. I’m curious to see what Sera has done.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, if you've made it this far into the story, I really don't feel warnings are necessary anymore.

“Come on, Blackwall,” Sera grinned as soon as Varric and Cassandra had left. “The seeker gave me permission to have a little fun. I’ve got an idea that will really get this party started.” She practically danced from foot to foot, twirling her arrow through her fingers. Excitement danced in her eyes as she spoke, “Remember that idea I had about seducing a noble? This one’s better!”

Blackwall grimaced but followed the elf down into the dungeons. “I’m not entirely sure if I should be going along with this, or running in the other direction,” he said slowly as he watched her twirling the arrow. “And what does seducing a noble have to do with these disgusting sods anyway?” he asked as he kept his hand curled around the grip of his sword. 

Sera leaned over and murmured in his ear, “I’m going to seduce one of them.” A wicked giggle escaped her and she pranced down the stairs into the dungeon, grabbing the keys off their hook. She stuck the arrow back in its quiver as she sauntered over to Tirell’s cell, Cassandra’s words about him enjoying inflicting pain rang in her mind. She’d been careful to not let them know she’d been the one tampering with their meals all along, just in case this opportunity came up.

She leaned against the bars of his cell, biting her lower lip as she looked at him. “It’s too bad they’ve got you locked away like this, yeah?” she said, slowly looking him up and down. “I don’t think you really did it. A good lookin’ man like you couldn’t do somethin’ like that.”

Tirell lifted his head as best he could, letting it fall back against the wall so he could look at the elf that was talking to him. She was a pretty little thing, if a bit dingy. His heart pounded with hope and he tried to lick his lips to speak. “Help. Please. Didn’t, I didn’t do it. Please let me out,” he asked her, trying to play up the wounded party aspect. As soon as he was out of this place, he was going to murder that mage that brought them the food. What sort of idiot eats drugged food just to make a point? And they had all fallen for it, hook line and sinker.

Sera shook her head sadly. “I can’t let you go,” she said in a quiet voice. She bit her lip again and looked over at Blackwall who was watching her with a critical eye. She turned back to Tirell and lowered her voice. “But if you want, we could have a little fun. He won’t say anything,” she said with a jerk of her head towards Blackwall. She ran her tongue over her full lips as she looked the prisoner up and down. “Show me a good time and I might be able to persuade them to see that you’re innocent.”

Oh now that was an appealing idea. “Show you the best time of your life,” he murmured and he tried to push himself up a bit more, “Those asses drugged us, sweetheart, but I’ll do my best.” He tried to not slur his words and wondered if he could get back the use of his body so that when she was in there, he could use her as some sort of bargaining chip to get himself out of this mess. Then again, who would miss one more knife ear?

Sera grinned and opened the door to the cell, then slipped quickly inside. “That’s okay,” she said softly as she straddled his lap, her skin crawling as she did it. “I’m sure we can have some fun anyway.” She reached down between them, running her hand over his crotch and smirking when she felt him start to firm against her hand. “Mmmm, see?” she purred in his ear. “We can work with this.”

Tirell couldn’t stop the moan that escaped his lips and he weakly reached up to rest his hands on her thighs. She was smaller than what he would have prefered. He liked his bitches with a little bit more meat on their bones, but she would do for a good quick fuck. “Mmm, that’s great babe,” he sighed and let his head rest against the wall as he tried to buck up into her hand, a skilled little thing that turned him on more than he would have thought possible given his current state. “You know how a man likes it, don’t you?”

“Mmhmm,” she hummed as her fingers worked the laces loose on his trousers, freeing his length. In the back of her mind, she couldn’t help but to think how gross this all was, but it was for Cassandra. She knew the seeker would love this. She wrapped both of her hands around him, stroking him until he was fully hard. “You like that?” she whispered in his ear. She grinned when he gave a nod. “Close your eyes. I’ll do something that will really blow your mind.”

Blackwall was not sure what to think of the display other than the fact that Sera must have officially lost her mind somewhere along the way. His hand gripped his sword tighter as she went into the cell, yes, the man was drugged, but desperate men can do desperate things. He had seen that first hand. However, the impromptu handjob she was giving him. He wasn’t sure if he should be turned on or disgusted. He settled for indifference and mild disgust for the moment.

Tirell groaned as he let his eyes fall closed, the elf’s hands warm and firm around his length. “Yeah, thats good. Suck my cock,” he moaned, trying to tighten his grip on her, but his fingers didn’t want to cooperate with him. What the hell had they put in his food? Probably that bitch Cassandra’s idea. Some poetic justice about being drugged herself. What a stupid cunt. His length twitched as he felt Sera grasp it firmly and he waited to feel her hot mouth wrap around him.  

Sera’s face split in a wicked grin when Tirell closed his eyes and she felt his fingers weakly flex against her thighs. She reached over her shoulder and grabbed one of her arrows, still stroking him with her other hand. “This is gonna be so good,” she moaned softly as she looked down, lining up the tip of her arrow with the slit in his dick. Before he could realize what was happening, she forced the arrow forward, impaling his length with it.

The scream of pain was ripped from Tirell’s throat and his eyes flew open the next moment. Blinding, white hot pain shot through his groin and kept going, seizing his entire body with it. “What!?” he shouted, “Oh gods. Oh Maker, What have you done to me! You stupid fucking cunt! What have you done to me!” He cried as he looked down to see the arrow lodged deeply into his dick. “Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Take it out you stupid bitch! You fucking whore!” he cried and tried to grab her arms, her neck. Anything to make her pay for this. Blood was welling up and out around the tip where she had forced the arrow inside of him and he screamed again.

Sera slapped his hands away easily. “Shut up and take it,” she snarled, working the arrow deeper into his dick until she was satisfied that it penetrated the full length. “There!” she said happily and flicked the end of the arrow, then got to her feet, brushing her hands off. Her eyes narrowed at him as her nose wrinkled in disgust. “You take it out yourself,” she spat and turned to leave, the door clanging shut behind her. She looked to Blackwall with an expression of pride on her face, but it fell a bit when she saw how pale he’d gone. “Wha’?”

Blackwall still couldn’t believe his eyes as he watched the man in the cell cry and scream touching the arrow only to rip his hand away the next moment. He swallowed hard and looked back at Sera, his eyes wide. He instinctively covered his own crotch as she walked closer to him. “Nothing, Sera. Just… remind me not to get on your bad side. Ever,” he said, scooting away from her just a bit as he shifted uncomfortably on his feet as he looked back at the man. 

Tirell couldn’t see straight because of the pain. It was only getting worse and he roared in frustration as he dared to touch the end of the arrow, trying to work up the nerve to pull it out of himself. But every movement, every breath intensified the pain in his groin and he didn’t think he could do it. “Stupid bitch! I’ll fucking kill you for this!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sera replied in a bored tone. “I’d like to see you try. Ya know, you’re all big and bad when it’s the woman who’s drugged and can’t defend herself. But someone does the same to you and oh no, can’t handle it.” She rolled her eyes exaggeratedly and walked back over to his cell, a snicker escaping her at his predicament. “You really thought you were gonna get a blow job in here? Ha!” she giggled. “I’d be more interested in your wife or girlfriend than I would be in you anyway.”

Blackwall chuckled at that and dared to step closer to the cell, wincing as he looked at how deeply Sera had forced the arrow into the man. Looked more like a piece of meat on a kabob than his dick at the moment. “I wouldn’t worry too much about that, if I were you. Once Lady Cassandra gets back from dealing with your other friend, I am certain she would be all too happy to remove that for you.”

Tirell’s eyes widened at the threat and his eyes flickered down to his bleeding cock once more. “Fuck!” he cried, tears and snot running down his face as he swallowed hard and reached for the arrow, curling his hand around the end of it and he tried to steel himself, taking a deep breath before he tried to yank it out. But the flare of pain had him dropping the arrow and he pulled his hand back. “Fuck you! Fuck all of you!”

Sera seemed to think about it for a minute, then wrinkled her nose. “Nah,” she answered and turned away from the cell. She spotted Stephan sitting in the corner of his cell, looking rather pale and frightened. “Wha’s wrong? You feelin’ left out? I can do the same for you if you like,” she offered, walking towards him and pulling another arrow from the quiver on her back. “I’m sure Cassandra wouldn’t mind one little bit.”

Stephan’s eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously as he tried to press himself back further. “Maker no. Please no! Stay away from me!” he all but shouted at her, never taking his eyes off the arrow in her hands. The screams from Tirell were enough to chill his blood and he covered his crotch protectively, not certain if he even had the strength to fight her off if she really wanted to make good on her promise.

“Ha ha ha ha,” Sera laughed slowly, running the tip of the arrow back and forth across the bars. A violent shiver shook her from head to toe and she turned away from him, sliding the arrow back into its quiver. “Shite, Blackwall, I’m startin’ to freak myself out now,” she admitted. She looked down at her hands. “Ugh! I should go wash these,” she commented. Another wicked grin split her face. “Or go rub ‘em all over Vivi’s face. Oh, that would be good!”

“Maker’s balls, Sera,” Blackwall muttered, “Come on, let’s go get you cleaned up, I’m not certain I can stand to stay and watch this torture for much longer any way.” He shifted uncomfortably again and he gave the sorry bastards one last look before he followed Sera up the stairs. 

Sera practically skipped through the courtyard as Varric and Cassandra returned to Skyhold. “Left you a present!” she called over her shoulder as Blackwall followed her, shaking his head the whole time.

Cassandra cocked an eyebrow at Varric and climbed down from the cart, her curiosity growing by the second. “I do not know whether I should look forward to seeing what she’s done or not,” she said as she walked towards the dungeon. She stopped dead in her tracks when she reached the cells and saw Tirell whining and shouting, an arrow protruding from the tip of his length. “Well she certainly outdid herself,” Cassandra deadpanned.

Varric stopped short, his eyes going wide when he saw what Sera had done. “Maker’s breath,” he said, “I had a feeling it was going to be offensive , but nothing like this. Shit. I can’t even make this stuff up.” He took his crossbow from his back and readied it in his hands for whatever was to come next. He couldn’t help but smirk as Tirell spotted Cassandra and started screaming all over again.

“No! You leave me alone! Don’t you come near me!” he screamed as he tried to fruitlessly get the arrow out of him, but he couldn’t get it to budge without suffering an extraordinary amount of pain shooting through his entire body. “Fuck! Fuck you and this Inquisition! You stupid cunt!”

“Hey!” Varric growled and went to the cell, kicking at the bars and making them ring, “You don’t get to talk to her like that, you piece of shit.” This whole thing was darker than he wanted to admit and even though this revenge was justified, he would be happy to finally walk away from it all and just focus on Cassandra for a long while.   

Cassandra tipped her head as she looked at Tirell, an almost sympathetic tone in her voice. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Aren’t you enjoying yourself? I seem to remember you enjoyed inflicting pain. I would think that you would like this, being on the receiving end.” She opened the door to his cell, watching him with a predatory gleam in her eyes. “I just want to return the favor.”

Tirell tried to move away from her, but he was frozen in place by the pain. “Stop! Don’t come any closer! I’ll kill you. I’ll fucking kill you!” he shouted. “You are still nothing to me! Nothing but a wet hole to fuck and that dwarf doesn’t think any different!” he shouted trying to cover himself from her as she stalked closer, “Stay away from me!” Oh he should have kept that rope around her neck until her fucking head had come off.

Cassandra only gave the tiniest of pauses in her steps. Most of what he spat at her didn’t bother her in the least. But what he said about Varric, about him seeing her the same way these men did, well, that one stung. Because that was still part of her fear, that she wasn’t worthy of him or that he would suddenly decide he was disgusted with her. 

“You disgust me,” Varric said with venom in his voice, “She is so much more than a warm body in my bed. She’s a warrior, the Hero of Orlais who eats dragons for breakfast. Who is passionate about everything she puts her mind to, about any cause she chooses to support. And you dare suggest that I am using her? After what you and your sick friends did?” He spat on the ground. “You are nothing but worthless cowards who hide behind drugs because that’s the only way you’ll get any action at all. Any woman worth her salt would see that you are not even worth their time. You don’t have the balls to romance a woman and soon, you won’t have the dick for it either.”

Cassandra looked around her, finally spying a length of rope, and grabbed it up as she marched towards Tirell. Though he tried to protest, it was all too easy to loop it around his neck and drag him out of his cell. “Get up,” she growled and forced Tirell to his feet, using the rope around his neck to tie him to the outside bars of his cell. “You like tying women up, don’t you?” she said, an eerie look in her eyes as she tipped her head. “You like pain. Aren’t you enjoying this?” She could see him struggling to stay standing, but he had little choice. It was either force his legs to work or hang himself. “Stand up straight,” she snipped and grabbed the arrow protruding from his body, giving it a little jerk.

He couldn’t stop the scream of pain as she grabbed the arrow, tears slipping down his cheeks and he grit his teeth. “Don’t touch me! Don’t touch it!” he gasped out as he struggled to stand up. “Oh Maker, don’t do it,” he sobbed as he forced his feet under him, but the act alone seemed to make the arrow go deeper into his body, “Fuck!” He gasped out as he stood shaking on his feet as he glared at the two of them. They weren’t going to let him out of this. His hope was dwindling greatly by the second. He would have pissed himself if he were able, but it wasn’t possible with the arrow blocking the way. 

Cassandra considered Tirell for a moment, just enjoying watching him struggle. She tapped her lips thoughtfully, and the next second she noticed a small crate in the corner of the dungeon that hadn’t been there before. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at it and approached it with caution. What in the world? She peered into the wooden box and a smile split her lips as she saw a small collection of old, rusty blacksmith’s tools. She didn’t know who had left them there for her, but it didn’t matter. She rummaged around in the box for a moment before selecting a tool. She stood up slowly and turned towards Tirell, revealing the iron tongs in her hand.

Varric watched as a shiver ran down Tirell’s spine and he felt his own blood go a little cold at the look on her face and the instrument in her hand. He let his eyes flicker to the box, recognizing it as one of the crates that Blackwall kept around the stables that he used for his woodworking supplies. He must have made a trip to the blacksmith and picked up some tools for Cassandra that no one would miss anytime soon. 

Tirell tried to step away from her, but a sob was torn from his lips as his groin suffered another stab of pain from the action. “Stop! What are you doing with those?! Stay away from me you crazy bitch!” he shouted hysterically as he tried to get away, the rope nearly gagging himself. Then again, would a hanging really be that bad? Might save him from the obvious torture she was planning to inflict on him further. “Please,” he whimpered, “I don’t want to die.”

“Neither did I,” she hissed and clamped the tongs onto his nipple, a vicious smirk on her face when he cried out at the bite of the cold metal. She had to shake her head at the visions that tried to cloud her eyesight, her mind, remembering the things he’d done to her, leaving her body aching and bleeding. She twisted the tongs slowly in her hand, and reached down to smack the arrow again. “Isn’t this fun?”

The man screamed in agony, his voice going up a few octaves as he felt his flesh ripping in the unforgiving teeth of the tongs and then the blinding hot pain when she jostled the arrow embedded within him. “Please! Stop!” And then words failed him as she made a full rotation with her hand and his eyes went wide when he saw her waving around his severed nipple in the tongs. Bile rose in his throat and before he could stop himself, his head fell forward and he threw up the contents of his stomach all over his feet. 

“Eww,” Cassandra said, wrinkling her nose. But she was undeterred. She flung the torn flesh at Stephan’s cell, then reached for Tirell’s other nipple. That sick satisfaction coursed through her again as she ripped his skin, listening to him scream in agony. She threw the tongs on the floor with a loud clang, then grabbed his hair, forcing him to look her in the eye. “This feels good, doesn’t it?” she almost purred. “You know you like it. You know you want it.” She reached down and grabbed the arrow, and began to pull it back out of his body, twisting it in the process.

Varric had to turn his head away when she began to pull the arrow out of the man. The sounds coming out of him as she did it were not even human any more. He was breathing hard, swallowing a moment before he looked back at the man, his eyes narrowing in his resolve. No. He had to witness this. He had to be there for her no matter what.

Tirell’s vision tunneled as she began to pull the arrow out of him. “No, no, no, no, please. Maker, no! Don’t pull it out! It’s ripping! It’s ripping in half!” he screamed, his voice no longer sounding his own. “Stop it! Kill me please! Just leave it in and kill me!” he sobbed, beyond caring as his entire world became one of pain. 

“I’m trying to,” she answered calmly. “Just like you tried to kill me and failed? Strangled me with that rope and then wrapped my body in a blanket in the woods? I think I’ll do a shoddy job of ending your life.” She gave a harsher jerk, relishing in the screams and unnatural noises coming from his throat. Oh she was going to have to commend Sera on her brilliance. “On second thought, I’d rather watch you die and make sure the job is done right. I don’t like leaving loose ends.” She looked down, watching his penis stretch and bleed, the sharp corners of the arrowhead almost visible beneath the skin. She grit her teeth and gave one last final jerk of her arm, ripping the arrow free.

Varric watched as the mutilated flesh fell down to hang between his legs in bloody shreds. The man was blubbering like a baby as his blood poured like a river out of him. “Oh, I think you might have nicked an artery there, Seeker,” he said in an uncaring voice as he eyed the bloodied arrow in Cassandra’s hand. He had to admit, it was a stroke of genius that Sera had thought of something so dark and twisted. It was perfect. “Maybe we should have her decorate the other guy too.”

Cassandra watched as Tirell slumped, the loss of blood making it harder for him to stand, until the blood-slicked stone beneath his feet became too slippery and he hung from the rope by his neck. “Bastard,” she spat and turned away from him. “We’ll leave him there for awhile.” She walked towards Stephan’s cell, the corner of her mouth twitching upwards. “How about it? Would you like Sera to pay you a visit before I deal with you?”

Stephan swallowed harshly as he watched his friend tortured and then killed before his very eyes. He met Cassandra’s intense gaze, flickering towards the dwarf beside her and shook his head no. “Please don’t. Please just kill me,” he pleaded at them both, desperate to not suffer the same fate.

Varric tilted his head at the man. “That kind of sounded like a yes to me, Seeker. Don’t you think? We can take a little break. Let the man have some pleasant dreams about that and then send Sera to him to decorate him up nice for you again,” he suggested, “Or we can take care of him now. I know you would like to get this over with.” 

“No, let him ponder it for a while,” she said and turned to leave the dungeon. “I’ll give instruction to the guard to keep watch.” She gestured for Varric to walk with her as she headed for the steps. “Let’s go see if there’s anything left in the kitchen. I know it is the middle of the night, but I’m hungry.”


	13. Chapter 13

Perhaps it was a weird time to sit down and have a bite to eat, after murdering two of the men who had tormented her so, but Cassandra thoroughly enjoyed the impromptu meal with Varric in the darkened kitchens of Skyhold. They helped themselves to bread and cheese and wine, and even swiped one of the pies from the counter. All in all, not bad for a midnight snack.

“I’m going to end up with your sleeping schedule if I am not careful,” Cassandra accused as they walked back to the dungeons. Though none of the Inner Circle were keeping watch, she wasn’t too worried about it because only Stephan was left alive. Surely the guard could keep watch for an hour or so. 

She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the dungeon door open and no guard in sight. “No,” she breathed and ran down the steps, her blood turning to ice when she saw the opened cell door and the guard unconscious on the ground. “No! NO! Damn it!” she cried and grabbed at her hair. Stephan was nowhere to be found.

Varric’s eyes widened as he saw the guard face down, stripped down to his smalls and unconscious. He rubbed at his face. “Fucking clever bastard,” he groaned as he quickly thought about what to do, “So, I’m going to bet some coins that this guy must have bolted out of Skyhold completely. He couldn’t have gotten far. He’s probably on foot!” He growled as he pulled Bianca from his back, “You up for a little hunting, Seeker?”

She gave a nod and ran back up the steps, heading straight for the stables. “We must find him,” she insisted, fighting to keep the panic out of her voice. “If we do not track him down now, we will never find him.” She shook her head angrily as tears pricked the corners of her eyes. “I will never sleep again if I know he is still out there. We should not have left. We should have finished him off first. It was foolish of me. I got too confident.”

Varric caught her hands as she started to panic. “Cassandra, relax. That bastard isn’t going to get away from us. I promise you. Now come on, let’s get him. He’s going to be sorry he thought he could get away without paying for what he did to you,” he said firmly and cocked his crossbow, “Just get him within my sights and he’s as good as yours.” 

She nodded and pulled herself up on a horse, reaching her hand down to pull Varric up behind her. “He can’t have gotten far,” she said as the horse raced out of Skyhold, her eyes scanning for any sign of the escaped prisoner. They passed the place where they’d left Earl; the wyvern was gone and all that was left were a few bones and a large bloody smear on the grass. She narrowed her eyes as she urged the horse on. “I want to get him before that wyvern does,” she growled.

Varric looked over at the smear as they passed it and he smirked as he turned back to looked around. “That thing just had a sizable meal that was still coursing with that potion Chuckles and Sparkler came up with. My bet is that beast is going to be sleeping for a while," he muttered before he heard something in the distance, “Hey! Slow it down, I heard something over there, to your right.” He raised his crossbow, his eyes narrowing as he looked through the trees.

Cassandra yanked on the reins, the horse skidding to a stop. She barely breathed as she strained her ears, listening intently. Her eyes widened when she heard the crack of footsteps scrambling through brush. “There!” she gasped and turned the horse, crashing through the trees in the direction of the sound. “Stop him!” she cried when she saw Stephan running for all he was worth but not getting far through the underbrush. She turned the horse and stopped it again so Varric could have a clear shot at the bastard trying to escape.

“My pleasure,” he growled as he lined up his sights with the man and fired. He let the grin tug at his lips as he heard the cry of pain as the man went down. The bolt went easily through the man’s leg. “There. That stopped the bastard. Come on, before he crawls into a nest of bears or something,” he said as he hefted himself off of the horse, landing with a thud on the ground.

Cassandra slid off the horse and stalked forward, circling around Stephan as he groaned from the pain in his leg. “You dare try to escape?” she hissed and kicked him hard in the ribs with her boot. “You do not get to walk away from this! After everything you did to me, what you did to those other women. Now it is going to be even worse for you.” She considered him a moment as he tried to get up off the ground. “Stay down!” she commanded and shoved him harshly back to the forest floor with her foot. She extended a hand out to Varric. “Give me Bianca.”

Varric’s eyebrows shot up into his brow but he didn’t hesitate as he clicked the weapon into a continuous fire mode before he passed it over to her. “Just pull the trigger. She’ll take care of the rest,” he said as he looked back down at the man on the ground, “Piece of shit. Couldn’t just stay where you were supposed to.”

Stephan was shaking as he sobbed on the ground, looking up at the two of them. “Please. I won’t hurt anyone ever again, I swear it! Please just let me go!” he cried out. He couldn’t go through the torture that he had seen his friends go through. “Fuck, please!” He fixed his eyes on Cassandra as she started to walk around him again, the crossbow raised in her hands aimed right at him. 

Cassandra had never so much as touched Varric’s crossbow before, but it seemed fairly straightforward. Even so, she wasn’t confident that she could aim it nearly as well as he could. She frowned as Stephan made to get up once more and she placed her foot in the middle of his spine, barking, “I said stay down!” She took aim and pulled the trigger four times, smirking to herself as the bolts embedded themselves in the forest floor next to Stephan. “There,” she said proudly and handed the crossbow back to Varric.

Varric opened his mouth as he took the crossbow back from Cassandra. “Ah, Seeker? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think you might have missed once or twice. Or all four times,” he said as he watched her move towards the man. 

“No, I didn’t,” she answered and bent over to pluck the bolts out of the ground. She knelt down, putting her knee in Stephan’s back, and stretched his arm out from his side. She considered his arm for just a moment before she stabbed one of the bolts through his wrist, effectively nailing him in place. “This will work,” she commented casually over Stephan’s cry of pain as she moved to do the same to the other arm. She stood again and reached down to remove his boots and pants, then spread his legs apart and drove a bolt through the back of each of his heels. “There we are,” she said as she stood up and dusted her hands off, taking a step back to admire her handiwork once more.

Varric stood there watching as she stripped him from the waist down and pinned him to the ground with the bolts, “Holy shit, Seeker.” He breathed as he walked around the man, nudging him with his toe to make sure the man was effectively immobilized, “Nice work, Seeker.”

Stephan sobbed into the dirt as Cassandra stabbed the bolts into his flesh, the pain like new with each wound. He shuddered when she took off his clothes, his bare flesh stinging in the cold air around them. “Please! I’m begging you!” he cried as he tried to yank his limbs free, “Oh Maker, Maker help me!” He shuddered as they both circled him like animals stalking prey. “What are you going to do?” he shouted, his voice cracking with fear.

Cassandra felt a coldness fill her that had nothing to do with the night air. She came to a stop in front of Stephan and slowly unsheathed her sword. Her face remained expressionless as he whimpered. She trailed the tip lightly across his face, then down his back as she walked around behind him, letting the tip drag down the line between his buttocks. She gave the sword a slight prod, relishing in the frightened cry that escaped the pathetic man on the ground. “I wonder, have any of your lovers been back here? Doesn’t feel like it,” she said, recalling with clarity the words he’d spoken to her before he’d violated her with that very sword.

Stephan’s eyes went wide and he craned his neck over his shoulder as he stared in horror at her. “No! No, no, no, please! Anything but that! Don’t do this!” he cried out. He remembered her sword, how he had impaled her on the hilt. This sword was in terrible condition now, dings in the steel and he couldn’t control his breathing as he felt her rest the blade between his cheeks. He shuddered, “I didn’t use the blade! I didn’t! Don’t! Please!”

“How many times did I beg you not to hurt me?” she asked, leaning towards his face, putting a little more pressure on the sword. “My pleading went unheard. It fell upon deaf ears and you laughed at me, mocked me.” She teased the cold metal tip of her sword against the puckered flesh, a long, slow laugh escaping her lips as he whined and begged. “Feels good, doesn’t it?” she asked as she pressed the tip in a little deeper, pausing to wiggle it again. “I wonder how much you can take.”

Stephan tried to move away from the sword as she pressed it forward. He could feel the metal starting to enter his body and his eyes widened. “No! Don’t do it!” He sobbed and looked to Varric, “Stop her! Please stop her from doing this!” He growled and tugged at his bindings. “What’s to stop her from doing this to you when you eventually fuck her over?! This is only the beginning.”

Varric snorted and set Bianca on the ground, using the crossbow to kneel down in front of the man. “What’s to stop her? I’m not going to abuse her like you and your sick friends did. I’m going to make sure that this is where it ends, with your guts all over the ground for the animals to eat and shit out all over Thedas. But first? She’s going to fuck you over with that rusty sword. And look,” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulled out a health potion, “I got a little something that might keep you going for a little bit longer.”

Cassandra gave a stronger push, holding the sword steady as Stephan screamed out and tried to buck away from the edge that worked into his body. The memories of what had been done to her came back to her full force, but instead of filling her with fear, all she felt now was anger. She crouched behind him so she could speak in his ear. “Shhhh,” she said in an eerily soothing tone. “Tell me you like it.” She withdrew the sword a bit and slid it back in a few inches, then gave it a twist. “Tell me you like it!”

Stephan screamed out loud as he felt the sword cut into him as she pushed it into him. His vision cut out but faded back in as she withdrew it and pushed back in. “Nooo!” he screamed, feeling the blade rake through his insides. He curled his toes as he swore he could feel it snapping through his intestines. “Stop! Please Maker, stop!" He writhed on the ground as Cassandra set a brutal rhythm that had his lower body on fire. He could feel his blood pouring out around the weapon, but it did little to slick the way for the battered sword. “Make it stop,” he sobbed as he laid his head on the ground, ready to accept death.

“Ah ah ah,” Varric scolded and reached down, lifting the man’s head up by his hair as he bit the cork out of the potion bottle and dumped the liquid down his throat, “You still with us there? Don’t go nodding off just yet. She just got started. It’s rude to finish before the woman does, didn’t you know?”

Cassandra paused, watching as his flesh healed around her blade and he whimpered, seemingly in anticipation of a fresh wave of pain. “What? Are you not enjoying yourself?” she asked and wiggled the sword side to side. “Don’t you want to come for me?” Repeating words back to him almost made her sick to her stomach, yet they were oddly satisfying at the same time as she tried to humiliate him the way he had her. She slid the rough sword deeper into him, watching as fresh blood welled around the blade. “Take it for me,  _ baby. ” _

Stephan howled from the pain, his hips jerking forward, trying to get away from the intrusion but it was impossible. The words she threw back at him recalled when he was shoving the sword into her. Humiliation washed over him and he cried as the two laughed at him in a chilling tone that made him want to throw up. “No, please! No more, no more!” His cries turned into a gurgle as she pushed the sword further into him, and he suddenly coughed, spitting up blood as she pierced his gut. 

“Mmm, so good,” she moaned obscenely before her expression turned dark. “Take it,” she growled in a low voice. “Take it all!” She rammed the sword into him to the hilt with a sickening squelch of flesh. She pulled back and did it again and again, fucking him hard and fast as his blood splattered over her. “You take it like a man!” she shouted, her face screwing up with emotion. Even after his screams had died away and he lay lifeless beneath her, she still continued on, not knowing exactly what she felt, but overwhelmed all at the same time.

Varric stared down at the man as he died, reaching up to his own face to wipe away the splatter of blood that had sprayed onto his own face. He watched as Cassandra sat back and he studied her. She was practically drenched in the man’s blood, her chest heaving as she stared at the corpse. He stood up, leaving his crossbow on the ground so he could move to sit next to her. “Hey, you still with me?” he asked as he settled onto the ground. 

She let go of the hilt of the sword and sat back, holding her shaking hands up as if in disbelief. “It’s over,” she breathed, her eyes wide. She didn’t know whether she wanted to laugh or cry. She wrapped her arms around herself, rocking slightly. “It’s over. It’s over.” She couldn’t believe it. She turned to look at Varric, shock upon her own face at what she’d done, yet feeling proud of herself for standing up to her attackers. And the whole time, he had been by her side, patiently helping her, not judging her for what she had to do. “I love you,” she breathed and leaned over to smother his mouth with her own.

Varric almost pulled back from the sudden passion with which she kissed him. He wasn’t sure how she would react to what she had just done, but this. He could work with this and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer as he kissed her back. The metallic taste of the man’s blood between them. He slid his fingers into her hair. “Cassandra,” he breathed, leaning his forehead against hers, “I love you too.”


	14. Chapter 14

Cassandra laid flat on her back in Varric’s bed after getting cleaned up and letting the others know that the prisoners had been taken care of. She absentmindedly played with a loose string on her nightshirt as she stared up at the ceiling, trying to process what she’d done. Now that the moment was over, now that the men who had attacked her were dead, she questioned her own sanity. Had she really done that? Tortured men in the most excruciating ways that her mind could conceive? She’d never been so cruel in her life. And to be honest, it made her sick to her stomach. 

Varric sat at his desk after they got back to his room and cleaned up. Cassandra and he were both uncharacteristically quiet as they thought over the night. He was exhausted, but the men they had tortured kept plaguing his thoughts over and over. Andraste’s tits, had they really done that? Granted, he had seen some pretty fucked up shit over the years, watched the Carta string up their victims by their own entrails was one of his lesser fond memories. Hawke’s mother another. Yet this time, he participated, watched on and did nothing. He wasn’t sad that he had done so. Those fuckers had deserved every bruise, every cut, every ounce of blood they were forced to shed. 

He shook his head and looked over at Cassandra who was just staring straight ahead at the ceiling. He nearly cursed at the almost vacant look in her eyes. Maybe they should have just let the Inquisitor execute those men. Cassandra with a first row seat to the chopping block. Too late for should haves. He sighed and stood up, blowing out the candle and moved to take off his shirt before he went to join the Seeker in the bed. He crawled under the covers, but mimicked her pose and stared up at the beams over their heads. “Copper for your thoughts, Seeker.”

She chewed her lip slowly, her fingers still fiddling with the string. “They deserved it, right?” she asked, searching for reassurance. She swallowed hard, wondering if she was now on the same level as those men were. In truth, what she’d done to them might’ve even been seen as worse than what they’d done to her, at least in some people’s eyes. “Perhaps it was not my place to seek vengeance,” she said softly, still staring at the ceiling. “What if I should have left them to the Maker? Let Him decide what was best. Perhaps there was a reason… a purpose…” She trailed off and shook her head slowly. 

“They definitely deserved it,” he said after a moment’s thought, “We don’t know the full extent to what they took things with their victims before you.” He wasn’t sure what reason or purpose Cassandra could be thinking of, but he rubbed at his face, “They had it coming, but then I wondered too, if we were right in being the ones to give it to them.” He shook his head. “The Andraste I believe in wouldn’t force someone as devout as you to go through what those men did to you and then be angry that you handled them in the way you saw fit.” He lost his train of thought as those words passed from his lips and he let it hang in the air.

“What we did, even if justified, was monstrous,” she said, never tearing her eyes away from that spot on the ceiling. She exhaled slowly as the screams echoed in her head and she wondered if that sound would haunt her for the rest of her life. “I did not expect to feel this way. I thought I would feel… happy? Or vindicated? I do not know.” She sighed heavily again, feeling the weight of what she’d done. “And I involved our friends. I should have done this alone, bore this burden on my own. Now they must live with themselves and the part they played. And you as well.” She shook her head slowly. “This is all my fault,” she said, her voice monotone and flat, emotionless.

He rolled onto his side to look at her, letting his eyes drink in the haunted look on her face. He frowned. It was the same, if not worse, than the look that she had on her face that night she had come back from her personal hell those men had put her through. “You didn’t involve us, we gladly joined you. I’ll suffer through whatever crisis of faith this is. No one should have to undertake that burden all on their own. It would break you. Shit, this still might be unpleasant, but it would be worse if you had done it alone,” he said, “I don’t regret it, Maker help me, what we did to those men. After all the women they tortured and got away with it? A clean death would have been too good for them.” That wasn’t the problem, it was the problem that he had been part of their torture and he snorted at that. “Someone would have had to have gotten their hands dirty,” he said quietly as he thought about it, wondering if that had been the case, would the Maker still welcome them to his side when their time came. 

“Perhaps in our eyes it would have been too good for them. But maybe we should have let the Maker sort them out after simply executing them,” she wondered aloud. She covered her face with her hands, pulling at the skin for a moment before she let her arms flop back onto the bed. “I feel as though my soul has been… tainted. After all of this, how do we just go back to normal life? I know we still have much work to do, to set the world right. Corypheus is still out there and must be dealt with. But all I can think of is my own problem.” She finally turned her head to look at him. “I was so blinded by my rage, my pain and loathing, I could think of nothing but revenge. Do… do you think we took it too far?”

He considered her words for a moment, turning them over in his head and putting them up against what he believed. He had seen far worse done to those less deserving of the punishment, but was it a step too far for them? “I don’t know. Do I feel sorry for them? No. Do I worry about what the Maker is going to say to me when I finally get to go meet him? Yeah.” He raked a hand through his hair and didn’t like the feeling of his thoughts being so jumbled on the matter. He didn’t like the fact that he had been splattered with a man’s blood and had been happy about it to the point where he passionately kissed the Seeker over his still warm corpse. “All I know is that the Maker works in mysterious ways and maybe perhaps if they were meant to die a clean death without someone giving them everything they deserved, I feel like the snake could eat its own tail and a tree would have fallen on them. Or a dragon could have eaten them.”

She frowned and looked down at the loose string on her nightshirt again. “Sometimes I wonder if the Maker or Andraste even care,” she admitted quietly, though it made her heart sink to say it outloud. She swallowed harshly again. “I have always been strong in my faith, that goes without saying. But after all of this? I feel it is breaking. When they kept me in that house, when they did what they did to me, I thought the Maker had abandoned me. And I just kept thinking to myself, what did I do to deserve this? I still do not know the answer. None of this is right.” She waved her hand through the air. “What they did, what I did, what I involved you and the Inquisition in. None of it is right.” Her lip trembled and she turned her head to look at the fireplace. “And though I know he was a despicable excuse for a human being, I cannot help but to think of the wife and daughter who are on their own now. What life have I sentenced them to by taking away their provider?”

“I don’t know,” he said as he let himself roll onto his back again and stared up at the ceiling. “Maybe he was abusing them and we didn’t know about it? The wife is now in charge of the tavern and the little girl. She might take the news hard, she seemed to be taken with him, but,” he paused and shuddered, “What was going to stop him from abusing her once she got old enough? I’ve seen things like this escalate before. It isn’t pretty. None of this is right, but we did the best we could and made our decision.” He looked back at her, “They made a mistake by taking you, brought down all of our fury on them.”

That disgusted her all over again. Would Earl have done such a thing to his own daughter? Who was to say, though now that Varric mentioned it, she wouldn’t have put it past the bartender. It made her gag and shudder to even think about. She gave her head a slight shake and pushed the thought from her mind. It was strange how she felt now; it was that numbed, almost dead feeling inside that she’d experienced when she first got back to Skyhold after she’d been attacked. “Is this all that I am now?” she wondered aloud, more to herself than to Varric. “A hollow shell incapable of feeling anything but anger and hurt?” She rolled on her side, her back to Varric, and curled in on herself. “I fear what I have become,” she whispered.

He watched her for a moment, feeling the guilt surge through him again. He said he wouldn’t let her fall, he had promised that he wouldn’t let this happen to her. Yet here they were and she had fallen. He really was a liar and unable to escape that truth. “No, it isn’t. We were fools for thinking that this would fix everything. That we could self impose a punishment on them and that everything would go back to normal in a matter of minutes. I know you are still in there, Seeker. You are too passionate about life to not be. Shit.” He looked up at ceiling again, “We just need some time to sort this all out in our heads.”

She nodded and pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulder. “We should try to sleep,” she said. “It is nearly morning already. My schedule is getting worse by the day.” Not that she really cared, but if she had any hope of returning to normal, perhaps falling back into her regular routine would help. Though all she really wanted to do was to lay there in that bed forever. She didn’t know if she could even face her training dummies in the morning. Perhaps she should spend some time in the Chantry instead. Oh well. She could figure it all out when she woke up again. “I love you, Varric,” she whispered as she closed her eyes. 

He looked over at her, giving her a sad smile as he turned onto his side and pulled the covers up over his shoulders. “I love you too, Seeker. Don’t you worry about me, you just focus on getting yourself back in order,” he said softly.

She cringed and squeezed her eyes tightly. She wasn’t even worrying about him when she actually should have been. She was so focused on herself and dealing with her own problems. A frustrated huff escaped her. She felt so selfish. She slid her arm back beneath the covers and found his hand, giving it a squeeze. “We’re going to be okay,” she said, though she didn’t know if it was the truth or not. 

He could hear the way her voice wavered and sounded meek. He opened his mouth to tell her that she was a terrible liar, but he shut it in the next moment as he realized that he wanted her words to be true. “Yeah, we are going to be just fine, Cassandra. Just fine. Maybe you should find some time tomorrow to talk with Mother Giselle or Leliana. Maybe they have some insight on the matter.” Or they would both condemn them to hell.

Cassandra didn’t much fancy the idea of speaking with Mother Giselle (she still didn’t approve of what that woman had tried to do to Dorian) but maybe talking with Leliana would be good. She squeezed his hand again, then let go of it and kicked away the covers, getting out of bed to get dressed. She was never going to be able to sleep. She grabbed up her clothes and tugged them on. “I’m going to go pray,” she muttered as she dressed.

Varric pushed himself up onto an elbow and watched as she pulled her clothes on. “You going to be okay out on your own, Cassandra?” he asked. He knew how she had been when she first got back, scared of her own shadow, afraid that anyone would turn around and get her. “I could come with you, if you wanted.” He had never before stepped foot into the Chantry. It would be a first for him, but desperate times, they said.

“You don’t have to,” she said. Though she knew he believed, she also knew that he did it in his own way and she wasn’t going to push him into going with her. “But you can if you want to,” she said, leaving it open to him. It was his choice. But she felt she had to. She needed clarity, she needed… something. She wasn’t entirely sure what she was looking for, but she knew she wasn’t going to find it by just lying in bed. She grabbed up the stone Solas gave her from its place on the bedside table and stuck it in her pocket. “I can manage on my own if you don’t want to come.”

He thought about it for a moment, but figured that they could both each use some time on their own to sort it out in their own heads, rather than trying to appease the other. “You can go on then, Seeker. I’ll do some thinking on my own here,” he said as he pushed himself up until he was sitting against the headboard, his heart strangely heavy as he thought about it. “I’ll see you when you get back.”

She gave a nod and left his room, letting her feet carry her. This whole situation was miserable. Why didn’t she feel better? She’d thought that once she’d dealt with the men who’d hurt her that she would feel so much better. But she didn’t. It didn’t erase what had happened to her. It didn’t take away the memories. She would have to live with those the rest of her life. And now she would have to live with this for the rest of her life as well. 

She lit a candle and knelt down, bowing her head, and began to recite a well-known prayer. It was all she knew to do in that moment.

* * *

 

Leliana smiled as she walked into the Chantry a little while later. One of her people had told her that Cassandra had headed towards the gardens and she instantly knew why. She waited until Cassandra ended her prayer before she entered into the holy place and knelt next to her friend. “I was wondering how long it would take you to find your way back here. I am glad that you did, Cassandra. To think that you still hold the Maker dear after everything that you have suffered through is a miracle in and of itself.”

Cassandra sat back on her heels with a sigh. “I do, though I wonder if he has not turned his back on me,” she admitted softly. Why else would the Maker have allowed this to happen to her? “What happened was damaging enough, but now I fear I have damned my own soul. What I did last night to the men who attacked me…” She trailed off and shook her head before she looked at her friend. “That was not me, Leliana. I am not that person. Or, at least, I was not that person before all this began.”

“Would you be feeling better if the Maker himself came down and told you to torture those men the way you did? The fact that you are repulsed by the idea now tells me that you are still who you are. If it had truly changed you, you would not be losing sleep over it now. It is good that you came here first,” she said as she regarded her friend for a moment and she looked up at the statue of Andraste. “Did Varric tell you what we found out about those men? There were over twenty-four cases of women, mothers, and wives who were reported missing and never found. All of which were last seen in that tavern. Those families have had no closure as to what happened to their loved ones. No one had even bothered to follow through with an investigation. There would have been no stopping them. Then, low and behold what should happen? You end up in that very tavern. You survived.”

That number floored Cassandra and she couldn’t help but to wonder aloud, “And how many more went unreported?” Travelers, or women with no family to speak of. It made her shudder. “I survived,” she said flatly, staring at the statue as well. “Yet sometimes I cannot help but to think it would have been more merciful if I hadn’t.” She bowed her head at the admission, somehow feeling more guilty for it. “What are you saying, Leliana? That the Maker used me to stop these men? If that were true, why could I have not just found them in the act and stopped them instead of enduring such torment myself?”

Leliana smiled sadly at that. “The Maker, he works in mysterious ways, does he not?” she asked as she looked over at her friend, “I am not agreeing that it was fortunate that this happened to you, quite the contrary. However, consider this Cassandra: If you had just simply caught them in the act, what punishment would you have bestowed upon them? A slap on the wrist? Some time spent in the stocks? If you had just caught them in the act, would they still be alive and getting ready to torture more woman? What if you were the prayer of so many of their victims? That they suffer for what they were doing to those women? Perhaps the Maker chose you for this horrible task because he knew that you would endure, that your faith would keep you afloat in these dark times. Perhaps it is the Maker who would now beg your forgiveness.”

Cassandra blinked at that. “Maybe you are right,” she said softly. It did make her feel a little better to think that perhaps she was part of some greater plan, that her suffering had not been in vain. “Still, I cannot help but to be disturbed by my own actions,” she said leaning over a bit and pressing the heels of her hands to her forehead. “And I let the others be a part of it. Varric watched everything I did. He has seen the darkest part of me now, a part I never would have thought existed. He has been by my side through all of this; what if I lose him now? What if he decides he cannot stand to be near me anymore after knowing what I am capable of? Or the others, if they turn away from me…” She swallowed harshly. It was heartbreaking to think about.

The spymaster chuckled at that thought. “You worry so much, Cassandra,” she said, “Has Varric given you any reason to believe that he would leave you now, after all of this? After everything the two of you have been through together? Or the others, do you really think they would think less of you for putting those monsters into their place? I am certain the ideas they had for those men after what they learned they did to you would have been far worse than what you alone could think of. Myself included. I do not think there would be anything resembling them after I finished with them for what they did to you.” She let out a slow sigh before she gave the Seeker a smile. “I still hold you amongst my dearest friends, Cassandra. You are only more beautiful for having come out on top of the situation. I do not think any less of you. You would be surprised to learn how many of our inner circle feel the same.”

“Thank you, Leliana,” she answered softly. She thought about it for a moment, wanting to believe what her friend said was true, but unsure if she was ready to believe it yet or not. “I would like to think that Varric did not feel differently about me now. But I know what happened disturbed him. He may deny it, but I could see it in his eyes. He is just as troubled about what I did as I am. Perhaps I just need more time to process it, to accept that I will never be who I once was. It isn’t possible to go back to that now. But maybe I can find a way to live with who I am now.”

Leliana laughed at that. “You both need to talk to each other more about how you feel. You are so alike in so many ways. You both went through this together and he has not left you yet. I think you will be surprised by him yet, Cassandra.” She smiled at the woman, “Keep your faith and continue to search for your answers, though they may be closer than you think.” 

“I will,” Cassandra promised. She let out a sigh as she looked up at the statue of Andraste again, then got to her feet. Her knees ached, but she paid them no mind. “I just need some time to think. I will find a way to deal with this. And I will speak to Varric. Knowing he is still on my side might help a little more.”

Leliana smiled. “You should go ask him. I believe I spotted him hanging out by your training dummies just before I came here,” she said with a smirk on her face as she looked over her shoulder at her friend.

* * *

 

It was early morning. Too early for Varric to be up, but he figured since he didn’t sleep, that was still acceptable. He looked over at the sword he had leaned against the tree, out of view. It was new in every aspect. A new scabbard, the hilt and blade were custom work in silverite. 

Cassandra didn’t know what to expect when she walked to her training dummies, wondering why Varric would be waiting there for her. A soft smile crossed her lips when she saw him, that look on his face like the cat that caught the canary. “I’m surprised to see you so early in the morning,” she said, hoping her tone sounded teasing, though she didn’t much feel like joking after what had happened the night before. “Were you not able to go to sleep either?”

He shook his head. “I may not have nightmares, but memories can be just as haunting. I still have a lot of thinking to do, but I figured you would be dealing with things in your own way. Which means hitting and stabbing a lot of things. I had a feeling you’d be by this way eventually,” he said and reached behind the tree, letting his fingers curl around the supple leather of the scabbard and he drew it in front of him. “Since we’re kind of starting fresh, I thought you might appreciate this,” he said as he offered the weapon over to her.

She gasped at the sight of the beautiful sword and reached out to gently take it from him, cradling it in her hands as if it were made of glass. “Varric,” she breathed as she grasped the sword and pulled it from its sheath. The perfect blade gleamed in the sunlight and she felt a shiver run down her spine. “It’s beautiful,” she said softly, testing the weight of it in her hand. She looked at him, her eyes full of emotion. “I don’t know what to say,” she said.

He smiled at her as she tested the blade, the breeze from it ruffling his hair and he could hear the hum of it as it sliced through the air. “You don’t have to say anything, Cassandra. Just do what you do best. Those dummies have been missing your touch as of late. I wouldn’t keep them waiting,” he said as he stepped forward, “I still need to think a few things over, but I didn’t want you thinking that I’d gone off and left you. My room is always open for you. In fact, would you be interested in dinner later? Or tomorrow, or whenever.”

She nodded. “I would love to have dinner with you,” she answered, then looked over at the training dummies. She almost hated to use the blade, yet at the same time she couldn’t wait. She strode forward and stepped into her usual stance, a shiver working through her as she swung the blade. Oh, that felt good. A smile split her face as her training took over and she attacked the dummies.

Varric let another smile curl his lips and he watched her for a moment more, wood chips flying this way and that as she fell back into her old habits. He was glad to see that the old Seeker was still in there somewhere. Hopefully, they would make it out of this yet. They would have to talk about some of this shit later on but for now, he was going to see if he could sleep until noon and then see if his mind was any clearer.

Cassandra spent most of her day hacking away at the dummies, thinking over everything that had happened, everything that Varric and Leliana had said to her. She still didn’t know exactly how to feel about it, but swinging the new sword all day long felt good. 

She finally sheathed her sword when she noticed the sun beginning to set and her stomach growled at her. Varric had said to meet him in the main hall when she was ready to have dinner, so that’s where she headed. She trotted up the stone steps and paused as soon as she walked through the door. Varric sat at the table by his fireplace, Bull and Dorian at the table with him. “Extra dinner guests?” she asked with a quirk of her eyebrow. 

“We have company,” he shrugged. “They followed me here from the tavern like a pair of lost mabari pups.” He gave the couple a wink before he stood up and pulled out the chair next to himself for her as Dorian uncorked a wine bottle on the table and poured the Seeker a healthy glass before he topped off his own.

“Saw you out in the training yard all day, my dear,” Dorian said as he picked up his own glass again. “I bet Varric five royals that there would be only toothpicks left when you were finished for the day,” he said teasingly as he handed the coin over to the dwarf.

Bull watched Cassandra with a careful eye as she sipped from her wine glass. He and Dorian didn’t know exactly what had happened last night. Sera had told them of her part in it, and it was all too easy to put the rest of the pieces together concerning Tirell when his remains had been removed from the dungeon. It was fair to speculate that the other two men had met similar fates at Cassandra’s hands. Whatever she had done, Bull knew the men deserved it. But now he was concerned about how she was handling the aftermath. “You alright, Cass?”

She gave a nod as she took her time swallowing the wine in her mouth. She could see the skepticism on his face. “I am just tired,” she tried to lie. Okay, it wasn’t a complete lie. She hadn’t slept in at least twenty-four hours, perhaps more. She’d lost track. But that was beside the point and she knew Bull wouldn’t buy it. None of them would. 

“Uh-huh,” Bull deadpanned. He pressed his lips thin, but sat back in his chair, draping his arm over the back of it. He understood body language better than most - if he leaned too far forward or gestured too suddenly, it could make her defensive or worse, scare the crap out of her. And that wouldn’t help the situation at all. He decided not to push the issue and looked at Dorian instead. “Where’s the food? I’m starving.”

“Yes, you would be hungry after last night, wouldn’t you?” Dorian muttered into his glass, but looked over his shoulder and saw a couple of the kitchen staff headed their way with plates  of roasted meat, potatoes and whatever else they had. He looked at the food as they set it out on Varric’s table and he sighed. “Oh how I miss Tevinter cuisine. This Fereldan stuff is acceptable, but I miss the heat, the spices of my homeland,” he said with a faraway look in his eyes before he shook his head and snapped himself out of it. He looked over at Cassandra as he filled a plate and handed it to Bull before he helped himself. “Aside from being tired, how are you feeling, my dear?”

Cassandra gave a shrug as she filled her plate. “I thought I would feel better than this,” she admitted quietly. She suddenly wanted to return to her dummies, to just beat the hell out of them until she fell over from exhaustion so sleep could claim her. She poked her potatoes around her plate with her fork before she finally took a bite. Her nose wrinkled as she chewed; it didn’t taste very good to her even though she usually enjoyed it. “I suppose I am still… processing everything,” she said softly.

Varric gave Cassandra a sympathetic look and cast a glance at the mage and Qunari. “It’s been a interesting couple of days. You don’t do something like what we did and remain the same,” he said quietly, “Just taking us some time to figure out where we stand on the matter now that it’s all said and done.”

Dorian blinked at them both, raising an eyebrow at them. “I don’t mean to sound… oh, what’s the word I’m looking for…” He gestured through the air as the poured through his vocabulary, “Uncaring, but you two are not losing sleep over what you did to those men, are you? Those scumbags deserved everything and more. If they are still plaguing your minds and challenging your faith that they deserved less than what they got, I daresay they are still trying to claim some victory over you.”

Cassandra set her fork down, her appetite gone. “Then perhaps they won after all,” she said as she sat back in her chair. She crossed her arms over her chest and began to chew her lip again, that far-away look in her eyes. That thought bothered her more and more as she thought about it. Even though they were dead, were they the victorious ones? Because her every thought was plagued by them? “What we did to them…”

“You gave those assholes what they deserved,” Bull said, perhaps a little more intensely than he meant to. “After everything they did to you, to other women, you think now that they didn’t deserve it?” There was a growl in his voice as he spoke and he had to force himself not to lean over the table as he defended Cassandra to herself. “They probably deserved worse than what you gave ‘em. This world is a better place because you and Varric took these guys out. And maybe, just for that one moment before they died, they realized what they’d done.”

“Bull is right, Cassandra. Kindness wasn’t going to get through to those men. They were too set in their ways to change and living when they had no respect for life would have been an insult to you and to those women before you who undoubtedly lived life to the fullest. Many of us in the inner circle were up talking about it for quite some time. The things that some of us said we wanted to do to those men on your behalf,” Dorian trailed off and shook his head, “Are better left unsaid. You’ll find if you ask around, what you did to them is rather tame compared to what some others suggested.” 

“Tame?” she asked with a snort. “I hardly consider what I did to be ‘tame.’ I feel,” she bit her lips together and swallowed as she searched for a word that even came close to what she felt, “monstrous. I should have just killed them outright and been done with it. I worry that I am the same or worse than they were.” A frown pulled at her lips and she lowered her voice, “I enjoyed what I did. No sane person would enjoy such a thing.”

Dorian gave Cassandra a sympathetic look and tilted his head in thought, trying to imagine himself in a similar situation. “They were monsters, Cassandra. Giving them back less than that would have only saved themselves in the long run and not you.” He shook his head. “Maker I am bad at this whole… consoling thing. I apologize Cassandra. I know this cannot be easy for you. I am having trouble seeing this from your point of view rather than from the outside perspective. How would you feel if this had happened to someone else and they did what you did to make them pay for their crimes. What would you think then?”

She shrugged and shook her head. “Before all this happened? If I had heard of someone doing what I did, I would have thought it excessive and the killer exceptionally cruel. Now? After what they did, what I know they put so many other women through? I still wonder if I was excessive and cruel.” She covered her face with her hands and rubbed at it, a frustrated groan escaping her. “I know you are trying to help. I am not trying to be difficult.”

Varric reached over to give her knee, what he hoped to be, a comforting squeeze. It just went to show what kind of experiences could forge a person to be. How the worst of people could make another kindhearted individual fall so far. He didn’t know what to say to make it better, to make the sting of what they had done lessen for her. He would do anything to see her back to her old self. 

Dorian sighed and took a moment to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I know, Cassandra. I just… I don’t see how you can be this torn up over men who wouldn’t have lost another wink of sleep on the matter. This just proves that you are better than they are. What the did was monstrous and they went about living up their lives, squandering everything they had, everyone around them. Raping and murdering as they pleased just because it was one of their whims. And somehow that is more okay than when you came along, were abused by these men, made them pay for what they were neglecting to own up to and that is somehow more excessive?”

Bull casually reached over and rubbed at Dorian’s back, trying to ease the mage’s frustration. He could hear it in his tone. “She’s not saying it’s okay. She’s not even saying she’s sorry for what she did. But she’s worried that she’s somehow slipped to their level and what that says about who she is now,” Bull said, reading between the lines so to speak. “You’re not on their level, Cass, because you wouldn’t do something like that to innocent people like they did. They were the ones asking for it. They weren’t victims. And like Dorian just said, even though what you did was justified, it bothers you. What they did didn’t bother them. You’re not the same.”

She pressed her knuckles to her lips and nodded as she rolled their words over in her head. What they said was true and somehow it did make her feel a little better. It wasn’t like she set out to find victims to torture for the fun of it. No, she had avenged so many women and herself for what those men had done. Maybe she could live with who she was now. Maybe her actions didn’t make her a horrible person. She sat up straighter and began to eat again, still thinking their words over, not sure what she should say.

Varric watched her for a moment more as she began to eat again, the way her eyes looked told him she was deep in thought. He gave an appreciative smile to the others and he took their words to heart too. He would think on it later, but for now…. “Well, did I ever tell you gentlemen about the time Hawke and I took on the dragon at the Bone Pit?” He grinned at their shaking heads, “Well, no shit, there we were…”


	15. Chapter 15

Talking with her friends had helped Cassandra to feel better (especially talking with Varric.) They helped her come to terms with what had happened and assured her that their opinions hadn’t changed about her,  save for the fact that they now saw her as an even stronger person than they had before. She wasn’t quite so jumpy when someone spoke to her or stood too close, though she was still a bit uncomfortable with physical contact. It was a work in progress. She knew she had a long way to go, but now she felt she could finally start on the path to true healing. 

It was late in the evening as she and Varric walked through Skyhold after eating dinner. She chewed her lip, debating on how to tell him what she’d been thinking of that afternoon. She never was very good with words. “Varric, I think I’d like to sleep in my own quarters tonight,” she said, pausing in her steps and looking back towards her room. She hadn’t slept alone since she’d been attacked and she wanted to know if she could do it. “Alone,” she added.

Varric stopped in his tracks, feeling his heart sink. He had been getting used to the Seeker staying with him, falling asleep with her at night and waking up with her in the morning. They had been taking things slow and he was more than happy to just have what they had. He was lucky to still have her so he thanked the Maker for that. He never would have thought that he would want her around after their rough start. He knew she had been having some night terrors since she had been attacked, only one or two though since they ended those men’s lives. “You sure you want to do that? I really don’t mind you kicking me in your sleep,” he assured her.

She gave a small laugh. “I know you don’t, but I have to do this,” she said. She could see the disappointment in his eyes and her shoulders fell a bit. She looked down at her hands, picking at her nails. “I know you have supported me through this whole ordeal, but I worry I have leaned on you too much. I cannot take advantage of you like that, Varric. I have to take care of myself.”

He smiled at her, reaching out and taking her hands in his, catching her eyes with his. He remembered that night in the Hinterlands. It had been his fault she had stormed off and everything that had followed. He leaned down and kissed her knuckles before he looked back up at her. “You do what you need to do, Seeker. I told you. I understand.” He smiled at her. “But you were never taking advantage of me. I was glad to be had. But you know, if you need anything, you know where to find me,” he said, as he stroked the skin over the back of her hands.

She smiled warmly back at him and bent to kiss him, pressing a long, lingering kiss on his lips. “I know,” she said softly, resting her forehead against his for a moment. She kissed him again before she stood up straight. “I will see you in the morning,” she said, then paused and added, “Or afternoon. Whenever you decide to wake up.” She squeezed his hand and walked away from him, heading to her room. 

It was strange to be back in that place. She hadn’t been in her loft above the blacksmith since she’d been attacked. Her bedroll on the floor was still in its usual place, though it didn’t look quite as inviting as it once had. She shrugged off her armor and changed into something more comfortable to sleep in, then crawled under her blanket to curl up on her side. A small sigh escaped her as she relaxed into the pillow. Perhaps tomorrow she could better explain to Varric why she had to do this. She didn’t want him to feel like she’d used him somehow. She tossed and turned for a bit, but finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

Varric sat at his desk in his room, the warm fire casting a pleasant glow over everything as he wrote, the quill scratching over the paper. He had been inspired to write another chapter of Hard in Hightown after the events with Cassandra. Greatly censored, of course. He paused to rub as his eyes. He was used to going to sleep earlier with Cassandra and he chuckled as he thought he would have to start getting back to his ‘normal’ schedule. He hoped that she was sleeping alright. She needed these steps to get back to how she was, only stronger, better. He tapped his fingers against his lips as he thought for a moment and started writing again. 

Cassandra hesitated outside Varric’s door after waking from a dream. It had been so real, so intense, that she didn’t think she could stay alone in her room. She wasn’t sure if he was still awake, so she quietly cracked open the door and peeked in without knocking. She saw him at his desk, heard the scratching of his quill over the parchment. She drummed her fingernails on the door to draw his attention. “Am I interrupting?” she asked, a bit shyly. She bit her lip and stepped into the room, dressed only in her nightshirt. “I had a dream.”

Varric turned in his chair, setting his quill back into the inkpot. He gave her a sad smile, but he was happy to see her. “Another nightmare, Seeker?” he asked as he stood up and walked over to her as she closed the door behind her. He paused at the look on her face. She didn’t look like she had a nightmare, she looked more relieved than terrified. 

“No,” she answered, still biting her lip as she shook her head. “It was a good dream. A very good dream.” She leaned down and captured his lips with her own, tilting her head slightly and licking at his lips, begging entrance. A small moan escaped her throat as his lips parted and she tasted his mouth, sliding her tongue against his. She grabbed his arms and pulled them around her waist, then wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

A warm shiver worked its way through his body as he suddenly found his arms full of the woman. He held her gently as they kissed, but she was ravenous. He couldn’t stop the moan that worked its way out of his mouth before he slowly ended the kiss and pulled back. “Cassandra,” he breathed, “are you sure about this?”

She searched his eyes, his gaze warming her heart. “Yes,” she answered softly with a nod, her hands still laced together behind his neck. She dipped her head to press another quick but firm kiss to his lips. “I want you, Varric,” she breathed as she rested her forehead against his and slid her hand to cup his jaw. She met his eyes, her own questioning now. “Do… do you still want me?” she asked, her tone more vulnerable than she would’ve cared to admit.

He leaned into her palm as he smiled up at her. “As if you need to ask,” he said, “You’ve spoiled me for anyone else, you know. I’ve never been happier.” He slipped his arms around her and pulled her down for another kiss, letting his eyes close in bliss. “Tell me how you want me,” he breathed huskily against her lips, “I want you to be  very  comfortable tonight.” 

She nodded and took his hand, leading him over to the bed. She sat down and met his eyes, her hands going to the sash tied around his waist, slowly and carefully untying it. Her hands trembled slightly as she undressed him, but her heart and the desire building in her urged her on. She leaned forward to suck gently at the side of his neck, tasting his skin. Her hand trailed lightly down his arm, then guided his hand to her breast. A shiver raced down her spine at the feel of his warm hand. “Touch me,” she whispered.

He smiled as she brought his hand to her breast. He let his hand curl around the firm globe and he caressed it carefully for a moment, watching her reaction as he touched her. He stepped closer to her and reached up with his other hand to massage both of them, letting his thumbs flick over the hardening peaks. “Maker, I’ve missed you Cassandra,” he breathed as he leaned in and captured her lips with his own, tracing his tongue over them before slipping inside. He sighed contentedly and pulled back a moment later. “You let me know if it gets to be too much, and we’ll stop. No questions,” he promised before he reached down to the edge of her shirt and pulled it up over her head. 

She shivered again as she was bared to him. She ran her hands over his chest, lightly raking her nails through his hair, pausing to tease carefully at his nipples. Her heart fluttered when she heard him hiss slightly and she leaned in to kiss at his neck again. It would have been lying to herself if she said she wasn’t a little nervous, afraid of a flashback or a freak-out moment in the middle of this, but she wanted him too much to let it stop her. Ever so carefully, she trailed her fingertips down his body, and let her hand curl lightly around his length. She moaned to feel the heaviness of it in her hand, the heat against her palm. “Varric,” she whispered and nibbled at his ear, lightly stroking her hand over his cock.

He shivered as her hand curled around him and he sighed against her and gently squeezed her breasts, lightly pinching and teasing her. “My Seeker, I missed you so much.” He leaned in and pressed a long kiss to her neck, suckling at the softness behind her ear. He moaned against her as she worked his length with her callused hands. “Maker yes, just like that,” he breathed, a small part of him walking on eggshells as he kissed her, pleasuring her. He didn’t want to startle her.

Her breasts tingled pleasantly at his touch. She loved how gentle he was, how careful. She scooted closer to the edge of the bed, her long legs spreading with him standing between them. It made her feel incredibly vulnerable, but she trusted him. She whined and leaned her forehead on his shoulder as he sucked at her neck, teasing her breasts in his strong hands. “That feels amazing,” she breathed softly, gripping him a little tighter as she worked her hand over the hot steel of his cock. 

He groaned against her, feeling the heat from between her legs and he shivered. “Cassandra, can I?” he breathed, reaching down to trail his fingers against her wet slit. “I don’t think I can wait. I want to give you back another piece of yourself,” he said as he kissed along her jaw, sliding his fingers into her hair, “Would you like to be on top, or should we do it just like this?”

She moaned and bucked her hips against his fingers, her eyes fluttering at the delicious friction. “Like this,” she answered as she spread her legs a little wider. She stroked him a little harder, encouraging him to step closer so he could slide into her body. She guided him to the entrance to her body, another moan slipping from her lips as she felt the tip brush against her. “Please, Varric,” she said, meeting his eyes. “I want you. I trust you.”

He shuddered at her low voice and the clear want he could see in her eyes. “Anything for you,” he said as he reached down to steady himself before he pressed into her, groaning as he slipped inside, inch after inch. He shivered as her tight heat enveloped him as he became fully seated within her. “Maker, you feel amazing,” he groaned and reached down to encourage her to wrap her legs around his waist.

Cassandra wrapped her long legs around his waist, pulling him tighter against her body, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Now this is what it was supposed to be like. She slid her fingers up to pull the tie from his hair, then threaded her fingers through the silky strands. “Yes,” she breathed softly in his ear as their hips rocked rhythmically together. “Yes, Varric. Just like this.” He filled her perfectly, his thrusts firm but careful, stroking that sensitive spot inside her with every move of his hips. She wrapped herself a little tighter around him, her heart melting as he wrapped his arms around her at the same time. She turned her face into his neck and murmured, “This is perfect.”

“You’re perfect,” he hummed against her as he thrust into her, loving the way she clenched around him. She felt like velvet to him and he leaned over her to tell her so. He smiled as she raked her fingers through his hair and he caught her eyes, smiling warmly at her. He reached up to cup her cheek, stroking over the scar there. “You’re even more radiant than I remember.” He sighed against her and caught her lips with his own as he leisurely thrust into her body. “Mmm, you are going to have to tell me about this dream of yours. I want to see if I’m close.”

She felt her face blush. “I… I don’t remember the details,” she lied, averting her eyes. Another low moan escaped her as he pressed his cock deep into her center, making her body jerk with pleasure. She knew he wouldn’t believe her. Why she suddenly felt so shy to share her dream with him, she wasn’t sure. But she tucked her head against his shoulder, riding his cock for a moment as she thought about it. “We were on a mission. It was late, we were just outside of the camp, watching the stars,” she murmured, knowing it was cheesily romantic, “And you said you had to have me right there. You didn’t care if anyone saw us.”

Varric moaned as he listened to her dream. “Oh Maker, Seeker,” He turned his face into her neck and thrust into her faster at the thought of taking her out in the open under the stars. “That sounds amazing, we’ll have to do it. Maybe take a bottle of wine, a few candles. Or should we just let the light of the moon light our way?” he purred, his mind coming to life with fresh inspiration for the next Swords and Shields novel. He already had some fantastic ideas he knew Cassandra would love.

“Wine and the moon,” she answered, her mind going dizzy with pleasure as he increased his speed, driving himself deeper into her. “Oh Maker,” she whined, squeezing around his thick cock. Her breath caught in her throat as her toes began to curl. “Varric…. Varric!” she cried out his name over and over again as her pleasure built and crested, sending jolts of pure ecstasy through her as she came. 

He shuddered against her as she became like a vice around him as she came. “Cassandra!” he moaned, quickening his thrusts as he rode out her orgasm. He peppered kisses all over her face as his heart hammered in his chest and he felt himself swelling as he came closer and closer to the edge. He leaned down and buried his face into her neck as he came, crying out her name as he held her to him. “Maker, Cassandra,” he breathed as he finally stilled inside her, “I missed you.”

She hugged him close, squeezing her eyes tightly shut against the tears that threatened to fall. “I missed you too,” she answered in a tiny voice. It was like a part of her was whole again. She sniffled as she hid her face in the side of his neck. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

“Hey,” he said as he rubbed her arms, “I hope those are tears of happiness and not something else.” He pulled back to looked at her face. He smiled at her and brushed the tears off of her cheeks. “You are more than welcome, Seeker. How could I give up on you? I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. Honest truth.”

“And I love you,” she answered sincerely, letting him wipe away her tears. She gasped with relief when she realized she believed him, that she once again felt like maybe, just maybe, she might be worthy of his love. Her eyes swam again and her vision went blurry. A watery laugh escaped her as her face split in a big smile. “Yes, they’re happy tears.”

He smiled and pulled back from her, letting out a sigh as he slipped from her heat and he moved to lay next to her on the bed. “So, did you want to get out of this place? Go for a moonlit picnic in that little clearing not far from here? Or does it have to be just outside of camp with Sparkles and Tiny not far off?”  he asked as he brushed her hair off of her forehead, “We could go snag a bottle of wine from the cellar.”

She smiled as she thought about it. “Either way could work,” she commented as she looked up at the ceiling. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she tried to recall her dream. “Actually, I think everyone was with us on that mission for some reason. You said something about the possibility of being caught by any of them making it ‘hotter.’”

He chuckled and drew her into his arms. “I don’t know if I would say that, I rather like having you all to myself. You are too precious to be flaunted like that, but I am sure I would throw myself upon you to shield yourself from their wandering eyes. Though, I suppose I’d have to worry about Sparkler ogling me. Can I count on you to defend my honor?”

She threw her head back and laughed at that, then nodded. “I most certainly would,” she laughed. She thought about each of their friends reactions to catching them in a compromising position out in the open like that. Each one was more hilarious than the last. “We better not. We may end up shunned by our friends.”

He smiled and nudged her. “If we are staying here, then I suggest we get under the covers before we freeze,” he said as he shucked off his pants and lifted the covers to slide under them before he patted the spot next to him as he looked at Cassandra. Maker’s breath, but she was beautiful and his gaze softened as he looked at her. Her skin was golden in the firelight and her eyes shone with such life. “I think I might go crazy if I don’t kiss you in the next minute or so.”

Her heart melted all over again and she slid under the covers next to him, letting him cover her up. “You always know the right thing to say,” she said and pressed her lips to his, drinking him in as her eyes fluttered shut. He was wonderful, and she couldn’t help but to think that she was incredibly lucky to have found someone so perfect for her as him. She kissed him passionately, deeply, until she felt breathless and she had to pull back. “Can I stay here?” she whispered as she met his eyes.

He leaned his forehead against hers and he smiled as he gently tugged her on top of him, keeping the covers pulled up around her shoulders. He lifted her hand and pressed another soft kiss to her knuckles. “I’d be honored, Seeker,” he rumbled before he tugged her back down, thoroughly enjoying her weight sprawled on top of him, and kissed her soundly. 

She kissed him back, enjoying the moment and the quiet calm she felt in his embrace. But she wasn’t entirely sure he understood her question. She nibbled his lip, then pulled back slightly to look at him. “Are you certain?” she asked, trying to find those right words again. “I can stay here? With you? As in… always?” She almost cringed at the way the question came out.

Varric felt his heartbeat quicken as she stumbled through the question. It was rather adorable and endearing. He reached up, cupping her face in both of his hands as he brushed his thumbs over her high cheekbones. “As in forever?” he asked as he studied her face, “You wanna spend the rest of your life with me, Seeker? Put up with my bullshit all the time, call me out on it. I’ll write you novels that you can’t resist, read you poetry, buy you flowers and make love in the candlelight before we fall asleep in each other’s arms each night and wake up to each other every morning? With the good and bad times?”

She nodded enthusiastically, a smile splitting her lips. “Yes,” she breathed, barely daring to believe it. She kissed him, again and again, excitement and happiness bursting in her chest. “I can’t imagine a more perfect life,” she answered. She couldn’t stop herself. She kissed him again. And again. “Please, Varric. Nothing would make me happier. Please?” Her heart thudded in her chest and for a moment she thought she might cry tears of happiness again. After everything that had happened, they both needed some happiness in their lives. 

He smiled against her as he was accosted by her sweet lips. He let his hands skim over her skin, over her curves and back, anything he could touch. “I kind of feel like I’m half-assing this, I should propose with all the romance that you deserve, but far be it from me to keep you from what you want,” he said with a wink, “Cassandra, will you marry me?”

“Yes,” she answered without hesitation and kissed him again. She rested her forehead against his, letting him run his hands over her, enjoying the feel of being wanted. After everything that had happened, she barely dared to believe that he would want to spend the rest of his life with her. It was almost too much to hope for. “A million times over, yes,” she whispered.

He felt excitement as she whispered her answer against him over and over again. In the back of his mind, he remembered asking Bianca the same question. Cassandra’s response was a hell of a lot better than Bianca’s. Oh sure, she had thrown her arms around his neck, screaming her answer. Yes. Saying that they needed to do it in private, that she would have to take care of things with her family before she slipped away with him. That she would meet him at the altar on that faithful day. She had never shown.

Though with Cassandra. He closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against hers. It felt more real. Perhaps it was the hardship they had just been through together. Or the fact that her family wasn’t trying to assassinate him, yet. The fact that she had been nothing but honest with him since day one. That she was closer to him than a continent. It felt more real. “And what does the passionate Seeker want her wedding to be like?”

“Simple,” she answered softly as she thought about it. “Perhaps just us and the inner circle? I don’t need a big fuss. I don’t want the attention. I just want to be with you,” she answered and nuzzled into his neck, a soft sigh escaping her. She never thought she’d find a real romance like the ones in her books. And especially after everything that had happened, she expected to end up alone. Perhaps the Maker hadn’t abandoned her after all. Maybe it all was some part of a greater plan, as Leliana had said. “As long as I have you, that’s all that matters. I know we can overcome anything as long as we’re together,” she murmured into his ear. She still had a long way to go, she knew that. But as long as he was by her side, she knew she could be truly happy again.


End file.
